I was upset that at my bridal shower, 20 people didn't know I was the bride! ADIVCE?!?

Question

I live in Michigan but last Sunday I had a bridal shower in My dad's hometown of Pittsburgh Pa. My Grandmother invited everyone that she knew. All of her neighbors and her ladies from church. There were 50 people there and only 30 people knew me personally..I am not trying to sound selfish but I was the bride and everyone was coming up to my married Bridesmaid and telling her congratulations and hope that she is happy...It was a little upset. I am not trying to be 'I AM THE BRIDE"...but please don't come to my wedding shower if you have no Idea who I am...WHat is your thoughts.

Answer 1

Usually you are supposed to give the person hosting the bridal shower a list of people to invite.  Sounds like your grandma went a little overboard, and I would be mildly annoyed.  At least it shows she cares though, and probably wanted you to get lotsa presents!

Answer 2

I think I would have been upset to. It's your moment and your thinking people are there to celebrate you and then it went South, I think it's unfortunate, but try not to dwell on it! :)

Answer 3

i would be very upset too this is a big change for you people should be congatulating you and if they dont know u why come right??

Answer 4

I think someone(?) dropped the ball. Its understandable that you were hurt but its done. Forget it and just concentrate on your day. Believe me, in a few years, you'll be laughing about it.

P.S. I hope your married bridesmaid was steering people to the right person.

edit: trust me that I didn't read Chesney's answer beforehand.

Answer 5

I would be upset too.  Main point is, you received lovely gifts and it's over and done with.  Now you have a wonderful wedding approaching soon!  I believe you will not have the same problem there....everyone will know you are the blushing bride!  :)

EDIT:  Why the thumbs down?  Women can really be extremely judgmental here.  How sad.

Answer 6

Big deal.

Your gran threw a big party for you and 50 people turned up. Ungrateful much?

Answer 7

Make sure they aren't at the wedding.

Answer 8

First of all, if they didn't know you, then why would they even bother coming?

Answer 9

I understand, you are upset, but the fact is that he shower is over. If you didn't say something so that someone could "introduce you" as the bride, then this falls on your head. They were strangers and didn't know who you were. I don't want to sound rude, but the hostess has the right to invite anyone she wants. My best friend will be throwing my bridal shower, and she plans to invite everyone she knows and her family and everything even though I don't know these people and they don't expect a wedding invitation. Her reasoning is because 1) it's a party and 2) she wants my fiance and I to feel special and have lots of people surrounding us to celebrate that we are getting married. Just be happy that these people came and thought of you. To me you sound a bit ungrateful. Like I said, the hostess of the bridal shower can invite anyone she wants. She's throwing the party. She's paying for the food. How about just sending the thank you notes and doing something really nice for your grandmother to thank her for all the time and money she spent on your shower. And don't mention this to your grandmother because then you will really look ungrateful. Sorry, it's how I feel.

Answer 10

I think you are just being whiney.  Boo hoo.  You did, of course, refuse to accept their gifts, right?  The hostess can invite whomever she wants, but she really should have introduced you to the attendees at the beginning of the party.

Answer 11

That is very strange -- having your Grandmother standing beside you for introductions would have prevented it, but hind sight is 20/20.  It was very nice of your Grandmother to have a shower for you ... and someday when you are a Grandmother yourself, it will be a funny story to tell your own Granddaughter.

Answer 12

Just let it go. They did take the time to attend the shower and bring you a gift. Even if they didn't know that you were the bride their hearts were in the right place. Obviously they think highly of your grandmother to come to a shower for a woman they don't know and bring her gifts. If you are having another shower be sure to get one of those shirts that say "Bride to Be" - then it will be clear.   :)

But don't be to upset, it wasn't done purposely.

Answer 13

You wrote:  My Grandmother invited everyone that she knew

And that was an etiquette no-no.  

Only folks invited to the wedding should be invited to the bridal shower.  Strangers who don't even know you should never have received invitations to your bridal shower.  

But the error was your grandmother's, not yours.

Just write them nice thank-you notes for all the gifts.  I hope for your sake that they are not all expecting wedding invitations.

Answer 14

Those people were there because they were friends of your grandmother and were basically celebrating with her. Laugh it off. I think it is wonderful that you GM has so many people willing to come to a bridal shower for someone they don't really know because they are friends of the GM. It is a good thing really. Your GM should have introduced you to everyone early in the day or as the guests arrived. Relax and enjoy the presents! Good luck.

Answer 15

On one of your previous questions, someone told you that you were being a little bratty. After reading this question, I think I am starting to agree.

Although a breach of etiquette occurred, I think you should be grateful that all these women came and bought you presents. Instead, you are whining that they didn't give you enough attention.

Sorry.

Answer 16

Loads of church groups, communities have big showers for members of a family - I've been to loads of showers when I was invited by an older lady, out of respect for HER. When it comes to church groups and old grannies, etiquette gets bypassed by good old-fashioned traditions. People obviously attended because your grannie has gifted THEIR kids in the past. It just seems that no one remembered to formally introduce you to the group. Your grannie should have been standing beside you as people entered but it's OVER now. Get over yourself!! You should be grateful for the attention and the gifts and have a laugh at the little errors of the guests. Just stop thinking of yourself and think instead about how embarrassed the GUESTS were!! For heavens sakes, this isn't a time to be brooding over little things. You say you don't want to be sounding like "I am the bride" , or selfish,etc. but, truly, that is exactly what you are saying!! You were VERY BLESSED to have complete strangers attend a shower and give you presents! Stop being a spoiled brat, write thank you notes and MOVE ON!! and be sure you thank your grandmother A LOT!! And, by the way, if your grandmother invites them to the wedding , well - now they DO know you!! And, as an added thought, perhaps the guests thought the bridesmaid was the bride because maybe, just maybe, she was more friendly to the guests,smiling and welcoming them, while maybe you were sulking in a corner. I am not trying to be mean-spirited but there has to be a reason for people to think the other girl was the woman being honored!!!

Answer 17

I think your grandmother or whoever hosted the shower should have "presented" you.  That is, introduced you to the guests ern masse at the beginning of the party.

You will survive this slight and if it is the worst thing that goes wrong between now and the day AFTER your weddng, consider yourself blessed.

Answer 18

Here are my thoughts

It's over, you got gifts, enough said

however, your grandma was just trying to help by having enough people at the shower, granted it wasn't the way to go but she did it anyway, I hope your bridesmaid pointed those guests congratulating her in the right direction

EDIT: Those guests may feel the need to come to your wedding since they were at your shower..have your grandmother handle this...if they want to come, ok maybe she can pay for it, but you shouldn't have to pay for 20 people who didn't know you to come to your wedding

Answer 19

As a bride you pretty much know that your family and or bridal party will be throwing a shower.  So why didn't the people throwing your shower have a list of your wedding guests???  You don't invite strangers to the wedding shower.  Only wedding guests should be invited.

Since you had no control over who was invited, you are not obligated to invite the people you don't know to the wedding.  I would be pretty upset at my family if I was in the same situation.

There really isn't much you can do about it now since it is over and done with.  

Good luck!