I was wondering if I should feel guility for having a chance?

Question

Yesterday i spoke to my biological grandmother for the first time in a long time since i meet her when i was 19. She kept saying I was the lucky one for being adopted. i have wonderful adoptive parents that raised me. But i can't help but feel guility about that good life. I have two younger siblings that my b-mom did not give up. One of them now is a meth addict and in jail, the other one has given up two of her babies. I can't help but wonder if they had the same chance as me, being raised in a stable home. That they would be a productive members of soceity. I have a good life, my b-mom gave me that chance, why didn't she give my other siblings that chance too?. Before anyone says anything..my b-mom was a drug addict and she had a certain lifestyle, That two little kids growing up should not of been exposed too. I don't know why social services weren't involved, maybe because my biologial family was trying to help. not sure. Is it wrong for me to feel this way? Should i feel guility?

Answer 1

You shouldn't feel guilty but I think it is only  natural.  There's no way it's your fault. Your mom made the bad choices.  There is still hope for your younger siblings.  Remember they make their choices too.  I grew up in foster homes and group homes.  I made my choices and my siblings have made theirs.  Keep praying for them.  I'm glad you had great adoptive parents!!

Answer 2

No, you should never feel guilty.  You had no say in the life you were given, just as your siblings had no say in theirs.  Adults make choices about children being born/adopted, not the child, so please don't feel guilty for anything.

Answer 3

You shouldn't feel guilty, because YOU are not the one that made the decision about what your life was going to be and your sibling's lives. None of it was your fault.

BUt you can turn those feelings in a productive way by doing what y ou can to help your siblings.. and your birth mother...

Answer 4

I think it's normal for how you're feeling. But, if it's upsetting you, then I would talk to a counselor who specializes in adoption situation.   Who know, maybe you can get your brothers/sisters the help they need.........

Answer 5

I think that is natural to feel that way but let me tell you somethin.  You cannot feel guilty for something that was not your doing, it was outta your control.  All you CAN do is be a positive role model for your siblings and set a good example for them.  The Bible says sometime people will be won over without a word, just by observing you.  You can't feel guilty for someone else's mistakes.  Just be you, the strong, successful, independent woman that you are.  Give them something to learn from.  Yeah, its a shame that social services weren't involved but lets try to focus on the future.  Look up different services and support groups for them to use for help now.  They are grown now and have their own mind so they may not come around to it until they hit rock bottom.  You just never know but at least you will have tried to be supportive.  Keep your head up and know that it was not your doing.  There is nothing for you personally to feel guilty about.  If anything, your b-mother should.

Answer 6

Of course you dont want that life for your siblings. No one does, but you can't blame yourself. I know that when you are with your family this Thanksgiving you will be thankful for the woman who gave you life and gave you up so you could have a better life. It is unfortunate that your b-mother had more children after she knew she couldnt have you but that is life and people whether they are raised in an unstable home they do make their own desicions (not that they weren't influenced in some way) but please dont feel guilty. Just pray.

Answer 7

You should not feel guilty about the choices that your b-mom made.  Yes, your siblings may have had a better shot had they had the same upbringing as you, but that is no guarantee.  I understand your guilt, and it is acceptable to feel that way.  It makes you a better person to have that kind of empathy but you can not beat yourself up for your b-mothers choice that you had no control over.

Answer 8

What is the old saying...Rise above your raising!

Don't feel guilty for things that you cannot control.  You could attempt to help your less fortunate siblings.  Maybe that would help your (very normal) feelings of guilt.

Answer 9

You have nothing to feel guilty about and you have nothing to feel grateful for.  You were a child - none of what happened to you was within your control and none of it was your fault

Take care and be kind to yourself

Answer 10

Don't ever feel guilty for what has happened to you that was beyond your control. I am so happy YOU were given a chance to heal and flourish in a home w/ stability. I wish that your siblings would have been given that chance as well as your mother.

Time and time again I see people not given the resources and support they need to get the help they need with addiction in their life and it messes up everyone in the family and then the kids grow up and repeat the cycle.

Addiction is a disease. It is an illness. I am so sorry that your mother, and now brother are suffering from it. Truly sorry. That isn't easy for ANYONE in your family. You ALL deserve a chance and opportunity at having a good life. Maybe now you can be a good support system for those in your life that you love ( likeyour siblings or maybe mother not sure what your relationship is like with them ) so that they can heal and have a chance to grow for the REST of their lives.

We cannot change the past, but we can make the future better each step.

Let go of the guilt, it will only hold you back.

Answer 11

None of those choices were yours. They were events out of your control so you shouldn't feel guilty. Wrong to feel that way? It's never wrong to feel any way.

Answer 12

If I were in your situation I would feel guilty---BUT THIS IS NOTHING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT.  After seeing and knowing this your should appreciate your life more and be more thankful for your adoptive parents.  Do not take your life for granted your the lucky on who got out of the situation.  Maybe you could try to help others in that situation and that would help you feel less guilty.  Hope all goes well-please do not feel guilty this is not your fault.