I was wondering of the adoptees, if they are angry with there birth parents? In cases where the state severed

Question

rights, how do adoptees view their birthparents?

Answer 1

I'm adopted.  During the teenage years you may have some identity issues and have some strange feelings about being adopted and towards your bio parents, but then you grow up and get over it.  You eventually begin to understand more and more your parents situation and are thankful for all that you've been given.  Life is too busy and too short to sit around thinking about why mommy and daddy didn't want me or why they weren't good enough to take care of me.  

Answer 2

I adopted a four year old girl, and wrote an article about her grief, if you are interested:

www.associatedcontent.com/article/6797...  

Answer 3

i had a good friend that was adopted because his mom couldnt support him.

he didnt feel neglected or anything, its just the way it works sometimes.

he still sees his birthmom every once in a while, but he was adopted young, so its not the same type of relationship he has with his foster mom.

i think it works the same way when parents get divorced when kids are young. i only briefly remember my dad, and hadnt really met him for at least 10 years after they were separated.

there's worse things that happen, and after a while, you realize its not that big a deal. still plenty of time to build a relationship or accept the ones you already have.

Answer 4

Until the age of 25, I assumed that I was removed due to abuse/neglect, as that's what my adoptive parents were told.  Despite that, I wasn't angry.  I was hurt and confused.  I had a lot of questions.  I wasn't to know more.

When I was 25, I wrote to the adoption agency to receive information about my first family.  In my letter of request, I told them that I already knew about the abuse and that I was removed by the state.  When I received my response, I was quite shocked to find out that this wasn't true.  The social worker stated that she had no idea why my adoptive parents believed something like that, as it's not what happened.  She explained that my first parents came to the agency when I was 1 year old and relinquished me.  There had never been any CPS involvement.  The state did not sever their rights.  

I asked my adoptive mom why she thought there had been abuse and that I'd been taken by the state.  She told me that this is what the agency told her and my adoptive father.  I was two years old when they adopted me.  I'm pretty sure that the agency wanted to hurry up and get me adopted.  The social worker handling the case probably felt that a "sob story" would help in that matter.  

Ten years later, I met my first father.  I asked him what happened.  They story he gave me was the same one that the social worker had written to me in my letter.  Other family members concurred.  

At any rate, my point is that I grew up believing that I'd been abused and taken by the state.  Even so, I never hated my first parents, I wasn't angry with them, and I did want to meet them anyway.  I wanted my history.  I also knew that people can change.  I knew, as well, that even if they had done the things we were led to believe they did, that I was still part of them, so I wanted to give them a chance.

Answer 5

I am adopted and met my biological parents and wish I did not at times as I found out the truth from other family members and my biological mother is insane.  

Answer 6

I was adopted as an infant and I've never been angry (or anything even remotely resembling angry) with my natural mother or father.  To be honest, I didn't think much about my father until I was well into my 20s.  As my understanding of biology grew (starting about age 7, or so) I was acutely aware that he may or may not even know of my existence.  My mother, however, I was sure of.  :-)

I have known some adoptees who do feel anger toward their first parents (my older brother is one) but I never did.  I always had the feeling that my mother loved me and was 'conflicted' about my placement for adoption.  I wrote many journal entries about it beginning around the age of 12 or 13.  When I reunited with her (in my early 30s), I learned that my intuition had been pretty much spot-on accurate.

Parental rights are severed in the case of every adoption.  I think you mean that the rights were terminated against the parents wishes, correct?

My mother did sign relinquishment documents voluntarily, but far from 'easily'.  I can't speak for myself on the subject of how adoptees feel about first parents whose rights were terminated by a court without their consent.  However, my best friend in childhood was adopted at age 5 and had been removed from her first mother's care for abuse and neglect.  (We became friends after her adoption as my family lived near her adoptive family.)  She expressed regret that she was no longer with her brother but I never heard her speak of her mother at all until we were in our late teens.  She was never angry (that I could detect) but she told me in a very matter-of-fact way about the abuses she suffered in her first home.  I found it very odd but that was how she talked about it.  She reunited with her mother in her mid-20s and they had a pretty good relationship.  Her reunion with her brother was much better and is on-going.  Sadly, her mother passed away in late 2007.  My friend is very glad she was able to get to know her mother again before she died.  She has told me at least dozens of times (probably more) throughout our lives that she is glad that she was adopted (into a family of 7 adopted children).  I've never heard her mention or seen her express any anger.  We've had many very deep, intimate conversations about adoption so I imagine I would have known if she was angry or bitter -- but I can't say with absolute certainty.

Best of luck to you in learning what you are hoping to learn.  Take care.

Answer 7

I have never felt angry with my birth mother or birth father (although my birth father doesn't know of my existence so it wouldn't really be fair to him to be angry with him even if I was!).  I mean, my bio-mom was doing what was best for her and me, and how can I blame her for that?  My adoption situation has always been wonderful.  Well excluding one therapist who said, "There is no way you can't be angry with your birth mother for abandoning you" and I was all, "She didn't abandon me.  She gave me up for adoption.  I wasn't some garbage dump baby or anything, and I am certainly not angry with her"

But some people are just ignorant.