I will have a 11 month old little boy in a bout 2 weeks and i'm nervous is this normal.?

Question

My husband and I are at this point getting parental guardianship of an 11 month little boy. The mother is a longterm aquaintaince of the family and she does not want him nor does she feel that he belongs to her since she had him in Jail. She knows my husband and I and she said she knows he would be loved and cared for with us. What we are waiting for is for the believed father to get out of jail in a week, the mother does not think he will contest it but just wants to make sure, he is not on the birth certificate since he was scared to sign it since he had a warrant out for him. I'm not counting my eggs till they hatch though cause I know things can go wrong at the last minute so I'm not getting my hopes up. But what does scare me is the fact that I have no babies but I will within weeks and I feel so unprepared but I dont want to buy anything cause of the what if's

Answer 1

Yep, normal. I adopted international and was wondering if I was doing the right thing right before I traveled. Then on the plane I got scared again. Then as the flight was landing in her birth city scary thoughts popped into my head again. Then on the bus to meet my daughter for the first time I kept thinking "Am I doing the right thing? What if I don't like her? What if I am a terrible parent to her? What if she doesn't like ME?" In the end it was wasted energy. She is THE BEST THING that has ever happened to me. I didn't have all of the unknowns like you do but that was part of why I went international.

As far as what you need to have? Spend your time researching the baby supplies at stores like Babies R Us. You may not want to buy anything but you should at least know what you need and will buy when the time comes. You could make do with a Pack n Play (can be used to play in and as a bed), car seat (mandatory and not negotiable), and one of those portable high chairs that strap onto one of your kitchen table chairs (for like $20), and a travel size supply of lotions and baby soap/shampoo and nothing else if you have to. He is probably on formula but whoever has him now can probably give you what they have. I would highly recommend though that you invest in a good baby sling/carrier. Carry the baby facing you as much as possible and as often as your back will allow. It is the fastest way to get him to bond and attach to you.

I know foster parents that have accepted placement of infants and were totally not prepared for them and they survive. You will do great I am sure. Take a deep breath and get your list of things to get if it happens together.

Answer 2

Of course it's normal to be nervous! Wether you are adopting or not, being a first time parent is nerve racking. Just remeber to breath and get all the advice an support you can. Good luck with your new son.

Answer 3

You have EVERY right to be scared!!!

1.  You are about to become a parent!

2.  You are entering into a legally risky situation.

3.  You might get hurt emotionally.

So....tread very carefully.  This bio dad may want custody, coming out of jail and having nothing to go home to.  He may just want to get back at the bio mom.  He may just want to make his parents happy.  Or he may genuinely want to parent this little guy.

You are risking a lot!  But -- you have SO much to gain!

The soft little snuggles and baby kisses of a toddler!

Parent him for all its worth no matter how long you have him!  Be his Mom if its for a week or for his whole life.  This will ALWAYS benefit him, no matter what.  You have an opportunity to impact his life now for a little while, or forever,  That is the part you have NO control over.  

Good luck to you all!!!!!

Answer 4

goodluck mummy and daddy to be,hope it works out for you all,you will all have to learn on dealing with everything as his life has probably not be so rosey,trial and error u are doing the best thing so far by taking him in.

Answer 5

once u know the meaning of ADOPTION u will have no doubts and will love the child with all your heart.... and what does adoption mean???

A DMIRING the little

D ARLING

O UTSTANDINGLY and

P ARENTNG

T OTALLY

I NTIMATELY by going

O UT OF WAY

N ATURALLY

Love thy CHILD as you Love GOD

Answer 6

If I were in that situation I'd be nervous too, that's totally understandable.  But I'd buy things anyway because you don't want to have an 11-month-old in the house with no supplies.  And realistically, you can always return stuff.

If he didn't sign the birth certificate, and didn't get on the putative father registry, I doubt he has any chance to get custody.  Certainly if it comes down to a court's judgment, they should find it in the baby's best interest to stay with you rather than with a career criminal!

In any case I will keep you and your baby in my thoughts and prayers.  I hope it all goes well!

Answer 7

probaly as normal as those last few weeks of pregnancy

Answer 8

YES IT IS NORMAL. JUST TAKE TWO STEPS BACK AND BREATH.GO AND GET SOMETHING THAT YOU THINK A CHILD WILL LIKE. EVEN IF THIS DON'T WORK OUT.SOMETHING WILL COME. WHO HAS THE LITTLE BOY NOW?IF YOU DO THEN JUST BREATH.I THINK WITH THE PARNETS IN JAIL,THEIR WILL BE NO BODY.UNELSE THE FAMILY OF THESE PEOPLE GO BE FORE A JUDGE AND SAY THEY WANT THE BABY. BUT IF THE CHILD HAS BEEN WITH YOU ALL THIS MONTHS.THEN YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH TO THINK BAD ABOUT.GOOD LUCK..PLEASE LET ME KNOW HOW THING WORKS [e-mail]

Answer 9

sounds wonderful and i can certainly understand your being anxious about whether you will really end up with the bayb or not. you don't really need that much stuff to start out with. and since it's not a newborn who will require such constant car immediately, you can probably do most of the shopping stuff during the first week of having him. i would say you need a crib, diapers, maybe a high chair, car seat. i can understand your not wanting to buy this stuff and then maybe have to deal  with emotional stuff if you end up not getting the baby. do you have a friend or relative who could help you by letting you keep the things at their house and then maybe even be willing to help you by agreeing to return the things if you don't need them. is that too big a favor to ask of someone? or perhaps you could get a local store to put everything "on hold" for you -- you pick it all out and don't actually buy it until the day of the bay's arrival -- but at least then you won't have to spend the time to do the actual shopping at that late a time. i think if you explain the situation, a local store (not WalMart type!) might be very agreeable.

it is certainly normal to be nervous!!

do you have any idea what kind of things you will be given with the baby? or are you going to have to buy absolutely everything? that could be alot of stuff!! food, clothes, books, toys, supplies, equipment, diapers!! you will end up feeling very overwhelmed if you have to buy it all and organize it all at the very last minute. I say you should get some friends to pitch in some time and do the shopping and the storage for you. best of luck to you and the baby!

Answer 10

Congratulations on your baby! I think it really amazing what u r doing, giving an unwanted child a home and loving parents.  Of course its normal for u to feel unprepared, because we will never be prepared enough to become parents.  The thing is, am sure u guys are going to do great cause you have the very basics to be great parents, and that is the desire to have this kid and the love that you will be giving to this child.

Answer 11

I would be nervous a bit too.

Answer 12

see an attorney

be sure and avoid heartache

get some counseling;  ask pediatrician

Answer 13

One trip to Walmart will secure everything you need for a week or more, no need to hurry and buy things now.

Because of his age I do suggest you research attachment parenting and fostering/adopting toddlers. Start with http://www.a4everfamily.org/index.php, lots of info and book suggestions.

Best of luck!

Answer 14

Don't worry about how you will do once the baby comes home.  I too was terrified the first night that our son came home (he was 6 months old) but it's amazing how the "Mom Instinct" just kicks in!  You will do fine.  

Good luck to you.  Email me thru the profile when you get your son!  How wonderful!

Answer 15

I am so glad that this baby will have parents who will love him, I understand how you feel,I went through something similar years ago, I can tell you that as soon as you hold that baby in your arms your mothering instinct will kick in and parenting  will come naturally,soon you'll love that child with all your being,and when he grows up he will have taken so many of your and your husband's characteristics it'll be uncanny,that 's what happened to us,our son has been such a blessing,I am so glad he is mine.You are wise in waiting to see what happens,I wish you the best.

Answer 16

I hear where you're coming from.  I'm not sure what I would do either, but as a pregnant woman 25 weeks along there are still what if's.  I am still preparing none the less.  Buy a few essentials and keep the receipt.  Places will take things back within 30 days usually and hopefully you'll know by then.  Good luck!

Answer 17

I hope everything works out for you in adoption the baby.  Dont worry about being scared, even the ones that have 9 long months are scared about being a mother.  And you get to have him at the fun age, he can interact and have a lot of fun with you, you'll be hearing words hes never said, believe me at 11 months he still has a lot of firsts to enjoy.

Just love him and let him show you what his needs and wants are.  If you buy some things, just keep the receipts for your skeptical side.  good luck!

Answer 18

it is normal to be nervous about getting a child. all mom and dads get nervous when they have a child.

Answer 19

of course its normal your meeting somebody who's like a stranger to you . and your worried if the child is gonna like you what are they like . Its prefectly normal for you to be nervous.

Answer 20

you could go to your library and get some books on parenting also look up sites on the net. and remember your a woman. this stuff comes natural to us. i was helping my sis out with her newborn. she was 18 and i was 13. good luck you'll be fine.

p.s. you just love that baby as much as your own and it'll be fine