I witnessed my toddler being yelled at by a childcare worker yesterday....?

Question

My daughter is 15 months old. Like most babies and toddlers, she loves to play with paper.

Instead of putting the paper out of her reach, the worker kept telling my daughter no. (It was a daily report for another child) My daughter reached for it again and the worker slammed her hand onto the counter and said NO! My daughter burst into tears. I asked the worker why she was crying and she said she kept trying to reach for the paper. I said Yes, I saw that. The worker went into a rambling about my daughter's behavior, in an attempt to justify her actions. I was not able to get a word in edgewise as she attempted to forcefeed my fiance and I her justifications. She also incited my fiance to agree with her.

I spoke to her supervisor this morning,who apparently had a phone conversation about the incident last night. I agreed to meet with the worker, but I have seen and heard all I need to see. What would you do? What should I do about this?

Answer 1

id ask for her to be on leave or fired

Answer 2

Remove your child from the childcare and place her into another child care facility.  Be thankful that the childcare worker's hand slammed onto the counter, and not onto your daughter, which seems to be happening more and more frequently within many child care centers.

Note:  Magy's answer implies that the worker slammed your DAUGHTER's hand down on the counter...in that case Magy's answer applies.  It is my understanding that the worker slammed her OWN hand down, NOT the child's, in which case, my answer stands.

Answer 3

Advice about other peoples children is always tenious ground. But not so much in this case she's your daughter and if you feel the least bit uncomfortable with the way a day care taker has treated her remove her from the day care. It's your right as a parent to feel secure in your childs saftey. This was by no means a threat to your daughter but it seems that it is not the way you would have handled the situation. Again i say she is YOUR daughter. The supervisor may try to placiate you but day care centers where I live are everywhere. Anywhere with a good reputation would be a good place to start looking. You dont neccisarilly have to remove her from this day care but if your uncomfortable with any aspect of it, it can't hurt to keep your eyes and ears open for a day care with a better atmosphere.

Answer 4

I was an early childhood educator and what she did was very wrong and very unprofessional. She had no right whatsoever to do that. You are never to yell at a child no matter if they disobeying and at 15 months, wow. Your daughter is too young to be first "rationalized with" and treated like a preschooler. She isn't allowed to do that and it makes me wonder if she does that when you are around and when other parents are around, what does she do when she is alone with the kids that are too young to tell what is going on. No,you should file a complaint with the director of the daycare and take your child out.

Some people aren't meant to be caring for kids and that woman isn't one of them.

In my experience, when a child is not listening, you warn them a few times , then you lead them to a different part of the classroom and talk to them CALMLY and explain why their behavior wasn't acceptable.By then most kids stop their bad behavior and play.But seeing that your daugther is only 15 months, taking the paper out of reach is the best thing.With the tots, we used to put all the papers, paint brushes and paste out of reach.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Find a different day care. If her supervisor believes it doesn't qualify for a suspension or the worker being fired, you can't do anything about her position there.

I don't agree with the yelling, but a child isn't going to learn not to touch if you keep moving everything. My 19 month old doesn't touch anything after being told "no touch" after once, since she was 15 months. But the yelling was way out of bounds.

If your not happy after the meeting, then find a new daycare.

Answer 6

First of all, there shouldn't be yelling at kids in daycares, second of all...If I see somebody yelling at My child like that I am out of there with my child and never coming back.

Answer 7

I agree with the concept of training a child to 'no touch'.  And part of this is not moving things out of their reach, but teaching them to respond to a voice command.  

However, yelling should not be necessary, and I would take that as a big red flag that this person has a temper.  If she yelled and slammed the table right in front of you, then I would not feel comfortable leaving my child with this person behind closed doors.  

If you try to train a child by yelling at them, then you are teaching them that they don't have to obey until you yell.  It's easy to say 'don't touch' calmly but firmly, and then give her a little thump or pop on the hand...not to where it hurts, but just a negative response (stimuli) when she reaches again.  If you do this consistantly, she'll quickly learn the association that 'no' really means 'no'.  There is never a need for anger in the training process.

In my opinion, there is no point in meeting or speaking with this worker regarding the incident.  You should be able to voice your concerns effectively through the supervisor, and the employee will counter with her opinions.  This is usually a messy and emotional process at schools and daycares where frustration levels and estrogen run rampant. :)

Here's what I would recommend: the most effective line of defense at this point is to write a non-emotional letter outlining what you witnessed, and stating your request/decision (either to remove your daughter from their care, or ask for an employee review for that particular person.)  Send the letter return reciept requested and CC'd to the daycare center and your state DFCS or overseeing organization.  More than likely, they recieve funding from the state at some level, and this will definitely light a fire under their fannies to straighten up their act.  I know from experience that having phone conversations and meetings usually isn't taken very seriously, but a hard copy letter (not e-mail) must be kept 'on file'.  Because of this, they can be held accountable for how they dealt with this specific situation by the state.

But know if you take it to this level, that you are putting yourself and your daughter on their 'naughty' blacklist.  I would only do this if you are serious about finding another daycare center.  I would also remove her from their care just before you send the letter to avoid any other emotionally charged outbursts around her or directed at her.  

It would really be best if you and your fiance were in agreement on the matter and how to handle it so that you can support one another and your daughter through this time.  My hubby hates confrontation (he is a peacemaker), but he'll take on h**l with a water pistol if he feels that I or one of our kids is being bullied.  But he will totally shut down if I am upset or crying.  He doesn't know how to handle discussions that are full of emotional 'heat'.  Try calming down, let it rest for a day or so, and then bring it back up in a calm way.  Tell him that it's been on your mind, and voice your concerns in a logical and calm way.  Let him know that you value his point of view, and that you'd like for him to take the lead in deciding what to do.  (Note: I've found that my hubby loves this respect, and also that schools respond much more quickly to Dad than to Mom.  They are used to dealing with emotional Mama's, but when Dad comes calling, they tinkle their pants. :)

Best of luck!  Your little one deserves a safe place and care from people who love her as much as you do.

P.S. I feel sorry for the baby she was holding.  My baby is easily startled, even when we play (Pop goes the weasel starles her :)  Most daycare centers that I know of do not mix toddlers with young babies, as it's too stressful for the workers.  Babies and toddlers are both very high maintenance groups and should have separate caregivers IMHO.

Answer 8

i would say listen stay calm, but stand ur ground on how u feel about that.  she is 15 months old!!!!  this isn't some teenage babysitter u are paying $5 an hour for who might get overwhelmed..these are TRAINNED "Professionals"  who this is their JOB on how to understand children and disapline them appropriately.  Im sure you are paying a lot of money for QUALITY Care and what u saw that day did not display that, was disturbing, and very unprofessional.  hopefully they will discount ur bill in order to keep u there.

Answer 9

SLAM HER HAND DOWN!!! shoot if I had a lovely 15 month old daughter no one shall physically punish them accept me. I'm not saying I would even hit my child at that age because they can grow to become angry with you but seriously do not let this slide don't be one of the people who say "only if she does another thing" do something now its your kid!

Answer 10

My daughter should would not go back there. Child care is supposed to have patients but thats crappy i would want my refund

Answer 11

The person can be lying want happened to her employee. And you can say she lying and this want I sae she did to my child. I wouldn't trust that person again. If nothing is solved then tell them that you be finding a different daycare for child because you don't want your daughter with that person again,

Answer 12

When I was in the 7th grade I had an elderly teacher that did the exact same thing.  She would slam her hand at our desks and yell at us.  She did it to me twice and it was very intimidating at the heat of the moment but then I would laugh about it since we were older kids but this can be very traumatizing to a toddler.  I would report this lady to her supervisor becuase you shouldn't yell at a child that young.

Answer 13

I would pursue this and see that she is fired.  A 15 month old knows what no means, but that doesn't mean that they'll listen.  My daughter is 18 months old and she knows what no means, but she'll still do things just to test us.  A daycare worker needs to have patience, sounds like this woman doesn't.

Answer 14

If a person did that 2 my child i would give them a good tell off. And if worse came to worse i would beat the **** outa them. Its my child they have no right to discipline him and especially in that way. Its just not right.

Answer 15

You should instantly complain about this worker to the management or the main person concerned. Whatsoever, the workers are there to protect and safeguard the children. she does not hold any right to yell like that on such a little toddler who doesnt even know what she was doing.

Children tend to hold a fear of yelling in their heart, and this may make them sick out of fear. To avoid such an immature act by the worker in future, i request you to complain about her ,so that the management may take an appropriate action against her. However, if the worker would have apologized to you, there was some chance that the act would not be repeated, but her aggresive behaviour assures the possibility of such a thing in future. All the Best dear..!!!!

Answer 16

There's no way my child would go back there.  I understand that some people have to put their children in daycare, but if there is anyway that you can not take her back until this matter is resolved, I think that is for the best.  If the supervisor of the daycare is onboard with you, and promises that the incident will not happen again, I think that I could be persuaded to allow her to return.  If the supervisor feels like there is nothing wrong with what happened...find another daycare for your daughter and report the incident to what ever regulation agency you state has.  The care worker was NOT handling the situation properly at fifteen months a child can not be reasoned with and in fact should not be diciplined for another few months...the right way to correct that behavior would have been distraction and redirection...she should have distracted your baby, and redirected her attention towards something that was suitable for her to play with.

Answer 17

First off, get your baby out of that place. There's several other places that will treat your little girl the way she deserves to be treated. Why should you pay to have your child yelled at on a daily basis?

Second, I'd do my best to see that the worker were fired- if she's yelling at yours, she's yelling at the rest. And if she's irresponsible enough to leave a child's report within arms reach of the babies, who's to say she won't leave a stapler or something harmful to the kids?

Get your baby away from that person.

Answer 18

I would definitely speak with the childcare director and take advantage of the opportunity to speak with the employee.

Even though childcare is a very stressful job there is no excuse for her behavior. I worked in childcare for 10 years and yes I did occasionally raise my voice. It doesn't mean she's a bad teacher or caregiver but perhaps she needs a break or some time off to re-center herself.

I imagine you will get to speak with the worker and director together, if that is the case be sure to bring up training on positive discipline and stress management. Ask if she or the center have attended any lately, or if there are any coming up that she can attend.

You could go to licensing, but sadly that will only do more harm to the center and probably no action will be taken. And make your life h**l there if you decide to stay.

If you are at a good childcare center the director and staff will go out of their way to make this right once you speak with them about your concerns. You will also be doing a favor to all the other parents and children enrolled because chances are your child is not the only one this has happened to. Any complaint at my previous center was immediately addressed and continuously monitored, and I would hope the same will be done for you.

Answer 19

There is no excuse for what she did to your daughter. I would recommend that you find another daycare center for your little girl. You should also have the abusive child care worker investigated for child abuse.

A 15 month old child does not have a good understanding of what is right or wrong yet, and even more of a missunderstanding of why she would be reprimanded like that. Your daughter was only diong what comes natural for a 15 month old, being curious.

You should also tell the supervisor that if corrective action is not taken immediatly you will have her/him investigated as well. It is clearly apparant that the childcare worker does not know how to handle young children.

Answer 20

Slammed your child's hand down? I'd yank her outta there so fast AND report it to the state- that's physical punishment, not appropriate for a daycare center to be using. She did it when you were right there- makes you wonder  what they do when parents AREN"T around.

Answer 21

Have your daughter removed immediately.

Yelling at a infant who doesn't understand their actions yet is completely wrong.

It happens but, your daughters trust with this worker is probably gone and the worker can't be counted on to regain it.

Answer 22

First of all, you did the right thing by remaining calm (as hard as it was). If you get angry and start yelling, its going to make you look like a hot head. And it will also make you look as you are over reacting, as many people do when the are very upset. I am thinking that the teacher slammed her own hand down, and I am also assuming she did not see you were standing there at the time...I would meet with her and have the talk with her (in front of the supervisor). And let her explain herself again. She will probably continue to talk in circles and defend herself. This will make her look bad in front of her supervisor, ecspecially if you can contradict what she was saying from the day before. I would let her say anything she wants. When she is done, tell her that you don't feel comfortable with your child being around that anger. And I would tell her supervisor that you do not think she should be able to work with children anymore. If the supervisor wants the worker to stay, then definately report her, employee, and the center. If you have seen her act in this manner, please know she will do it again. Possibly even worse the next time. Things will be awkward between the two of you forever, no matter what this outcome is. Please don't start to feel sorry for her. She is a grown up who should not be working with children. So, don't let her talk her way of of this. You know what you saw, and you don't want this to happen agian to your baby or another child. Stick to your guns, don't let anyone talk you out of what you know you saw. Best of Luck. Sure you are busy, but try and keep us posted on the outcome.

Answer 23

Wow, your daughter in only 15 months old! I would talk to the supervisor - this worker needs to get fired. That is inappropriate behavior. If she doesnt, I would pull my daughter from that daycare! I would be worried all day if she she still there with the worker who did that. I am so sorry about your experience!

Answer 24

I think if you thought she was too harsh in front of you, what is she doing behind your back. She probably feels justified because she feels like she is trying to teach your child right from wrong. You are her parent, if you don't like the way they do things there then take your child elsewhere. You are her mommy and her protector. The childcare worker may dislike her even less since your having confrontations. I'd take my baby somewhere else, just to be safe.

Answer 25

Completely inappropriate.  Make an appointment to speak to the centre coordinator, giving him or her a brief rundown of the incident.  This way they can gather facts from that staff member as well as other staff who may have witnessed it.  I would be expecting that the staff member undertakes some form of training in dealing with that age group and the expectations and developmental needs of that age group. If they too have observed that she enjoys paper, give her paper that she can play with!  It's really not hat hard!! If your not happy with the answer that the coorodinator gives you, look elsewhere for care and then remove the child from your current arrangement.  The care was obviously back peddling trying to justify something that is completely inappropriate for her profession.  If you still are not happy you can lodge a complaint with your state licencing body (In Australia, not sure about other countries), and they will investigate it.  Look for a centre who is nationally accreditted (Australia - NCAC)  You could even contact them,  details are found on their website.

Answer 26

You did the right thing by trying to ask the worker what is up and then telling the boss.. personally b/c it would be my child I would start looking for another daycare to take ur daughter to, and let the owner or manager know EXACTLY why you have chosen to do so. That is wrong and they should NEVER touch the children like that. If she can't handle being around kinds she should start finding a new job she can handle.

Hope you come up w/ a conclusion that suits you. Hope I was able to help.

Answer 27

I wouldnt even bother with the meeting immediately remove her and find a child care facilty that will treat a 15 month old like a 15 month old I would also report the facilty to child services and have them do a suprise investigation and really see whats going on when parents arent there!!!!

Answer 28

hmmmm, the worker needs to be fired . then if i saw her out and about , i would let her know what it felt like to be hit.  what was she thinkinh . a baby just wants to play and learn . someone like that should know that . goodluck

Answer 29

If you are otherwise happy with the daycare and don't want to consider placing your daughter elsewhere, I would suggest that you put your observations in writing to the worker's supervisor and the owner/manager of the daycare. Be very factual about what you saw and the conversation that took place and be very clear about why this is unacceptable to you.  This is potentially a first step towards possible legal action and they will all be aware of that.  If they are at all inclined to ignore or dismiss your concerns, having your complaint put to them in writing will make them take you more seriously.  

In your letter, you may wish to request that the worker receive further training on early childhood behavior and how to guide and correct children without violence and shouting, rather than calling for the woman to undergo "disciplinary action" such as a write-up or even termination.  I suppose it depends upon whether you feel that this person is generally competent (but was having a momentary lapse that day) or if she should be in another line of work... !  

If you put forward the suggestion that she undergo training, you could request that this be arranged as soon as possible and that you be informed of the actions the daycare are taking to address your concerns. If they comply, it could be a real turning point for the worker (she could learn something new about how to be successful and happy in her job) and it can only benefit your daughter and the other children to have staff who are properly trained to look after them.

Answer 30

if that were my child and I saw her do that I would have gone right into her face and yelled at her, then I would want to talk to the person in charge and wouldnt want her any where near my child, I probably would end up removing my baby from there becasuse I would worry that she might do some thing more then yell the next time. If I were you I would find another day care place for your child unfortunaltey it's so hard to find a good safe place for our little ones. Good luck