I won't let my child attend a birthday party without me...why don't all parents think this way?

Question

Ever since my child starting attending birthday parties of friends and classmates, my husband and I have made it a point of always going along. Sometimes "parents invited" is included in the invitation. But many times I am the only parent there and there are many other adults in attendence like aunts & uncles, cousins, etc. Do parents not realize that this is a potential "child danger" zone? I find I not only ensure my child's safety but many times I get to know my child's friends parents better or meet new friends. Why are parents more cautious about this?

Answer 1

I wouldn't attend a party I wasn't invited to. If I was uncomfortable with the guest list I would not allow my child to go, but I wouldn't invite myself.

Answer 2

Oh I would never leave my son at some classmate's house just because my son wanted to go to the party. I'm staying until it's over. Now, with family I let him stay alone but that's different.

Answer 3

Gosh, let your child be a child without you there. If something happens the parent at the party will call you. You are being a freak. Your child would like you more also if you just back off.

Answer 4

it depends on where it is. But if I do not know the parents and it is at a public place I will stay. But I stay back out of the way to give the child a sense of freedom. But quite often the parents are glad of an extra set of hands

Answer 5

I think that, as long as he's not a toddler, he'll be fine as long as there are a few adults supervising, he'll be fine. He's with a bunch of kids playing, just let him be for a few hours, usually birthday parties are over pretty early anyways. if you feel that you have to stay at the party because it is unsafe, your child shouldn't be attending anyways

Answer 6

Because they secretly wish their child to be mamed, raped, abused, and murdered.....I doubt that seriously but it they might as well put a sign on their childs back that says "Take Me" I don't care if my child is 2 or 10 until I know he is old enough to defend himself against a full grown adult I will be with him at all times, or a responsible person that I trust will take my place. I wish all parents acted this RESPONSIBLY but the fact is they don't  and the children are the ones that end up suffering if God forbid something happened to them while in the care of perfect strangers who only happen to have their child in the same class as yours.

Parents seem to have this false sense of security when it comes to other parents or even people in authority. Just because they have a child in your childs class doesn't guarentee a d**n thing, they could be a pedophile, an abuser, a serial killer, the list goes on and on. People in authority such as Church Leaders (Can we say Alter Boys) doesn't mean they aren't perverts.

We need to PROTECT our kids, not allow them to be vunerable to these predators. Now days perverts are lurking everywhere, escpecially in places where they know kids are going to be (birthday parties, Chuck E Cheeses, playgrounds) I don't care how "inconvient" it is. It's your child. And it's your responsibility.

Answer 7

I see nothing wrong with it in todays society.  No one, even aunts or uncles, will watch your child as well as you do.  Even if you know the other parents well or not, it's not a good idea anymore to send your child without you or your husband present with.  I'd love to have my child be as free as I was, but it's just not happening.

Answer 8

Dont mind other parents but just continue on what you are doing. I dont think you are not trusting the parents of the celebrant but what i think is that you are also there to prevent your child from getting into trouble like breaking a vase or window. My child is 2 and believe me i would do the same until i feel she is old enough or capable enough to be on her own

Answer 9

Parents realize that they shouldn't be overprotective. Their children should learn to socialize on their own, it's an integral part of growing up, and will be be important when they start school. You can't always be around your children, they have to learn how to interact on their own. Also, if the child's parents are throwing the party, of course there's supervision, so what's the problem?

Answer 10

I never actually thought about it that way. I guess it could be construed as insulting , as if you don't trust the birthday kid's parents to take of all the kids. but in this day and age, i guess it is good to keep an eye on your own kid. as least until they reach an older age. can't follow them everywhere at some point

Answer 11

Finally someone asked the right question!!!  I totally agree with you. I feel a good parent is a responsible parent.  Too many time parents tend to use this party time as their getaway time.  I think it should be illegal to drop of your kids to the potential Manson family birthday party, don't you?  My children are 17 and 16 and my 17 year old has to be home by 9:30pm..  He can go anywhere he wants as long as there are adults present and if not his cell phone must be on and i know exactly where he is.  No exceptions!!!!!  Its not about trusting your neighbor or your children.  Its about realizing that your child is a child and anything can happen.  Even if your there you might not be able to stop something from happening, but you will be there to help your child.  When my kids were young their b-day parties were kinda small to average size because i put in every invitation that all parents must stay at the party with their children, or do not attend party.  When you leave a child somewhere your expecting that child to use good judgement as you would.  Its impossible for a child to act as an adult and show the same judgement a responsible adult would.  Parents who leave their chilldren should be arrested and hauled off to jail.

Answer 12

How old is he? When I was younger, my friends hardly ever had their parents stay with them. The birthday person's parents will keep a perfect eye on them. It's also important to learn to socialize on your own at a young age to prepare for being older.

Answer 13

you are really caring for a parent..maybe bcoz some parents are just consitent that they're child/children would be fine without them..

Answer 14

i think you are inhibiting your childs independence and individuality with their peers.  by being with them at all times you will just hurt them in the future.  i would not consider a birthday party as a danger zone for children, at all...it's a birthday party and kids will be kids.  you can't over protect your children from every little thing....were you followed around by your parents when you were little?  and you turned out ok...i hope.  you will have children who resent your presence in their lives and it will backfire on you in the end.  please learn to let go a little and give them the tools to be confident in themselves and able to cope with different situations...instead of expecting you to be there to do it for them.  yuck.

Answer 15

I would not attend a party I was not invited to unless I was working for the FBI.

Answer 16

Some parents shouldn't be.

You are keen.

You are building a support group for you and your child.

That will come in handy when the kids are older, too.

ALL the parents can know who, what, where, when, and how.

Makes it safer for everyone.

Answer 17

I could never invite myself to a party, it's rude and crazy. Kids need to grow and do things without paranoid parents watching their every move. You just need to not be so paranoid, if something happens the parents will make sure you're the first ones they call.

Answer 18

I'm with you on this one.  There is way too much that can happen beyond a child getting physically injured at a birthday party.  Children are sexually abused all the time and without really, really knowing the parents I would never let my child attend without me.  I guess I'm just funny about this because even with really knowing the parents who are hosting the party it doesn't mean that there isn't some perv there who is just waiting to prey upon a child.

Answer 19

Oh my gosh! seriously! i would really be mad at u if u were my parent.. okay its a kids birthday party nothing bad can happen.. let ur kid get out on there own.. oh my gosh.. you're not going to be there with them every step of the way.. yes they will be safe its just classmates that they see everyday.. let them be on there own, they already have supervision.. and they don't need to hold mommy's hand 24/7... believe me they probably think its weird for you to do this all the time.. you should really chill out about this all... but i understand your a caring parent and that's good but u are being way too over protective

Answer 20

Good for you! My kids are all grown now, but I did the same thing and enjoyed getting to know the parents and kids. I use to always invite the parents to our parties, but it seemed many were happy to drop their kids off so they could have some free time!!! You will never regret taking precautions and being involved in your children's lives....you're a good mom!

Answer 21

Because wrapping your child in cotton wool does not ensure their safety. Only teaching them to deal with the world without you can do that.

I wouldn't let my son attend a birthday party where I (and he) didn't know any of the adults FULL STOP. Even if I'm there what am I going to do, follow him every time he goes into a different room? Unless you do this you are not ensuring anything. My answer to this isn't to go to the parties, it's to get to know the parents of his friends! (And yes, this has meant that there are some parties which I've decided that he's not going to, even if this has meant manufacturing a prior engagement).

My daughter's older and at a new school, and I don't know all the parents. But she's of an age where, really, I have to start trusting her judgment to a certain degree or when is she ever going to develop any? If she gets a party invite we discuss who else will be going and what sort of party it is.

Kids don't magically wake up responsible adults one day. They have to learn responsibility. They only do this by being given some.

Answer 22

If I know the family well I would be ok with my sons going without me but I wouldn't drop them off at a new house with new friends and go away no.  My sister usually just drops her son off places but even she will go to the new places to get to know the parents.  Some people though especially as their children get older feel they are "smothering" their child(ren).

Answer 23

I also would never leave my young child at a party alone. As for the people who say that its just a party and nothing can happen, my best friend was raped at a wedding reception by the brides uncle when she was nine. Things do happen!!!

Answer 24

By a certain age, I think you sort of need to let go.  Anything can be a danger but overprotection can go to far.

Answer 25

I understand how you are feeling, but there comes a time when you need to step down. If your child is over the age of 8, you need to give the child freedom to make his/her own choices, knowing that mom or dad isn't always going to be there. If the invitation says "parents invited" then by all means GO PARTY!! But, if it does not say that on the invitation, DO NOT invite yourself. The person throwing the party would certainly not put your child in any danger, and if you feel like they would,  just don't go to the party at all. I never thought of a child's birthday party as a "danger zone" before. But when you think about it, everywhere is a danger zone. Your own house is a danger zone, you never know what is going to happen. Does that mean you are not going to let your child take a bath by him/herself? I know it is hard, but there comes an age where you need to loosen the leash.  .  .  .

Answer 26

I say good for you. I wish there were more parents like you out here. Its great that you want to make sure that your child is safe and that they are in a safe environment. I will be the same way and its not bad. Now when my son gets older and I know the parents thats a different story he can go alone. I also have playdates for my son now and the parents come too. When i have parties its important that the parents come that way everything stays under control.

Answer 27

I totally agree with you, I would never drop my child off at someones party with people I do not know.  I will stay with her.  There are too many sick people out there and you never know where they are.   I agree kids need to be kids and have some freedom etc... but it's your child were talking about.  I do not stand over her and hover but talk to other adults (it's great for networking) or sit to the side and let her have a good time.    I think most parents these days just drop thier kids off cause it gives them some free time.

Answer 28

My wife feel the same way. When our daughter is invited to a party my wife always stay with her. Just this past weekend our daughter went to a party and all the parents just dropped off their kids and left. The mother of the birthday girl was suprised because some of the moms she haven't met. You would think they would want to stay since they haven't met the parent.

Answer 29

If your kid has health issues or a disability  that warrants your presence, stay.. But if the kid is over 7 and you know the parents, give the kid some space to grow and experience life. You can't protect them forever. Or you will end up like a woman I know who is 91 and 3 of her six kids never left home.

Answer 30

ummmmm, you're waaay over pretective...