I wonder why this is - pushy family members during delivery? ?

Question

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I see alot of questions concerning this topic, and I also faced problems with this when I had my son:  Often family members get mad if the couple decides they don't want anyone else in the delivery room, or if they don't want visitors right away.

The way I see it, it is the woman who is spread-eagle in pain giving birth, and it's the couple who created the child and want to share the moment with each other.  What "entitles" other people to push their way into this private moment, and why should anyone get to hold the child before the mother and father?

Also, what's the harm in granting the couple a few minutes - or hours - with their newborn baby?

Answer 1

I agree I only want my fiancee' and I (along with the medical staff) in the room! Afterwards they are more than welcome to come in and see the baby... After I get cleaned up and all that:)

Answer 2

OMG i know what you mean, i had a cousin who went into labour and told everyone, so as soon as she had the baby, the entire family (which includes her 7 uncles and aunties inc. their kids!!) turned up.

i have already told my husband and mum not to tell everyone until the day after (unless of course i go into labour at a family event infront of everyone lol) so i can have some peace and time with my baby. so what if they complain that you didn't tell them, to h**l with them!

there! i managed to get my rant out lol.

Answer 3

I was one of those people that asked about a pushy mother in law lol :) I totally agree with you! I want this experience for my fiance and I and the last thing i need to be worrying about is having half my family see my "stuff." I've told them they can choose to wait in the waiting room and stay there or we will call them after the babys born.

Answer 4

I don't know why people are like that. I'm due in December with our first, and I have made it very clear that I want only my husband and the medical staff present during delivery. I would also like 2 hours after the birth for feeding (I intend to breastfeed) and bonding time with our little girl.

Honestly, I don't care if they're mad or not.  

Answer 5

WELL I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH MY BABY DADDY SO MY MOTHER AND THE ONE I CHOSE TO BE MY BABY GODMOTHER ARE THE ONLY 2 THAT ARE GOING TO BE IN THE ROOM WITH ME. MY MOM IS KINDA HANDYCAP SO IF I NEED SOMEONE TO HELP ME I'LL HAVE MY FRIEND. MY 2 COUSINS WHO I'M VERY CLOSE WITH WERE SO MAD CUS I TOLD THEM THEY CANT BE IN THE ROOM WITH ME BUT I DONT CARE. ITS AN INTENSE MOMENT GIVING BIRTH AND I DONT WANT A WHOLE BUNCH OF PEOPLE IN THE ROOM TALKING AND ALL ON ME. SO THATS MY VIEW. I WISH YOU THE BEST DURING UR DELIVERY.

GOD BLESS!

Answer 6

I totally agree with what everyone is saying here. My problem wasnt with family wanting to be in the delivery room, mine was when i got home.

I had a rought time during labour and delivery, and was taken for a emergency c section.

I made it very clear to people that i when i got home i wanted to settle in first just me my partner and our new bundle of joy.

To my horror only 2 days of me being out of hospital it had been planned behind my back that the mother in law was coming to stay with her 3 boys!! not only that we only lived in a 1 bed flat at the time and they were staying for a week!!

It was horrible, i didnt even get the time to bond with my new born and the mother in law kinda took over. I can understand that it was her first grandchild, but id hardly been out of hospital.

Answer 7

I couldn't agree with you more!!!!  I'm going to be the one in pain, I've been the one carrying her for the past nine months, if I want to see her first and spend some time with her before a crazed mob comes around I d**n well will.  I've been making it very clear to everyone who's allowed to be at the hosiptal and who can wait until we get home.

Answer 8

I agree with you 110%!!!  Me & hubby were the only ones there when we created our little miracle and that is the way we intend to bring our little one into the world.  After I had my children we told everyone we wanted at least 2 hours to ourselves with our baby.  Then people were welcome to visit but we limited everyones visits to an hour at the most so other people could visit too.

Answer 9

Hi,

Tell me about it. I have still got months to deliver and already my family are saying to me 'I am going into the delivery room, Right??!'. It gets so irritating. I will probably just let my mom and dad in for  a little while, because they are really excited as its their first grandchildren. But I am not having them hold the baby before I am. I completely agree that they shouldn't be there the whole time. I guess they are just excited and nervous for you and feel that they have to support you as they have done when you were young.

Hope this has helped.

Answer 10

I am due on Halloween and the only two people invited to the birth are the father and our doula (who happens to be my very best friend!) Also, the only people I want called when I go to the hospital are our parents and my grandmother and brother. Maybe one other very close friend. We've talked it over and discussed it with our doula that we want to spend time with our baby alone. Then he gets taken to the nursery for like four hours. After he's back in our room, we'll call everyone and tell them they can come see him. So far the people that I've told that to have been pretty respectful.  

Answer 11

I agree.  The people who let this bother them have no backbone.  Have no guts to say Uh, no, but you can come in as soon as the baby is born.  What is wrong with these mothers?

I never was asked if a family member could be there during the birth, but certainly would have no problem saying no way.  If they get mad, who cares?!  They came in soon after, before the baby was given their sponge bath.  Yet, had no problem holding a slimly baby.

Answer 12

wow -- so glad i don't have this issue! It's Your Body...and Your child! not to mention YOUR delivery.

No one except you and your partner have any right, unless You choose them to be, in the room. Wow.

Answer 13

I could not agree with you more.  My mother in law was pissed when I said nobody is going to be in the delivery room.  She told me I was "depriving her."  I just told her, my body, my child, my decision and nothing will change my mind.  Then she pulled the whole "You'll be in so much pain you wont care who is in there."  Well while I was in pain I was thinking how glad I was that NOBODY except hubby and doctor were in there.  

There is no reason for anyone to get to know a woman that well except for the father and the doctor.  I don't understand all these women who have the whole family in there.  It would just drive me crazy.  I was glad that it was just my hubby and me and for the hour after our son was born we just were laying in the bed together.  It's more intimate that way and you don't have a bunch of people in your face asking if they can hold the baby and you barely get a chance to enjoy your babies first few minutes of life.  

Answer 14

there is nothing wrong with that. people are self absorbed and do not take into consideration the parents feeling/wishes due to their own need to be first.

stick to your guns. they will get over it, if not to bad for them.

Answer 15

I don't see anything wrong with it as long as you don't make them wait like a week to see the baby (my cousin was paranoid).

One thing that drives me nuts though. Siblings should be at the hospital regardless of age. Not in the delivery room obviosly (unless the sibling is like at least 15 or so and wants to be in there) but in the hospital waiting room with the grandparents, aunts, uncles, whoever.

Answer 16

I totally agree. You need bonding time with your baby. And I feel you need alone time with your baby if you plan to breastfeed. With our first baby, I had a long, long (as in 47 hours) labor and then an emergency c-section. We were so bombarded with family and friends that it was ridiculous. At one point, we had between 20 and 30 people in our room after the baby was born. I was still on morphine for pain, so I was drifting in and out of sleep. Did that make people leave us alone? Oh, no. They stayed right there and picked on me for being out of it. On top of that, everyone was passing our daughter around. She became very aggitated and unhappy, and later on that night had a hard time nursing. (While all this was going on, I was trying to learn to breastfeed her. Kind of hard to do when you have a room full of people.) She ended up getting dehydrated and jaundiced because she wouldn't eat. We had to leave her in the hospital under the "bili-lights" for her jaundice. I don't think there's anything harder than leaving your newborn baby in the hospital when you get to go home.

We're expecting again in December. My husband and I have both agreed that the first day after I give birth, we will only notify our parents. We're thinking about not letting any other family members know that the baby's here until we've gotten home so we can avoid the horrible situation we had last time- I may even talk to the nurses station and ask them to tell any visitors for me that I'm not accepting visitors.

I think back to that day and it still makes me mad.

EDIT- Forgot to say this. Some of those same people that bombarded us after the baby came thought it would be nice to keep constantly checking on us while I was in labor. I was back there laboring and trying to breathe through contractions and some of our extended family would pop their head in. It got to the point where I was in tears because I was so frustrated.