I work on trains checking tickets, i come to you who has no ticket, give me your best excuse for free travel?

Question

funny excuses or not, but please i have had every"dying and dead relative" so none of these please

Answer 1

Why is it that all of a sudden u see a young Latino you ask me for a ticket.....you think i don't have the money to buy one.....i don't need to show u a g-d d**n thing!!!....will that work....hehe

Answer 2

Oh is this a train?  I am so sorry, I went to bed last night and these strange grey men took me onto their spaceship and started experimenting on me.  Then I woke up on this train.

Please don't give me a £10 fine, I need that to buy a new liver as the Aliens removed it.

That one is bound to work!

Answer 3

i have no money im poor need to get help

Answer 4

"oh baby,so sorry! i just want to regonize you, and add some time to chat with you!!"

Answer 5

I'm homeless and just got on this train because it was warm. I tried this a few years ago now and it did work.

Answer 6

I would search through my very full purse, taking items out one by one, saying all the time "It was here a minute ago! Where did I put it?" When I didn't find it (because I had never purchased one) I start with my wallet, taking THOSE items out one by one. Slowly. By this time you'd be so impatient, you'd say "never mind!" and move on.

Answer 7

i bought my ticket but i was talking a leak and i i dropped my cell phone behind the tiolet and when i i reached behind to get it it fell out of my shirt pocket into the pisser and i reached in after it and  when i did the tiolet flushed and i my arm was getting sucked down so i could not grap it. i no it not very funny but what ever

Answer 8

Just remember, that as a Ticket Inspector, you are resonsible to the Guard, who is in charge of the train.

Remember the old saying: "The Guard is the man, the man in the van, the van at the back of the train. The driver up front, thinks the guard is a **** and the Guard thinks the driver's the same!"

Answer 9

I'm the queen and don't carry money?

Answer 10

I am the rail company chairman visiting the line.

Answer 11

i get paid tomorrow and usually buy a weekly pass -

was running late and im sorry but   I value my job and not being late a lot higher than  buying one days ticket  of which I have my photo id for the pass I usually buy -

Answer 12

I could just flash a Warrant Card!

Answer 13

Don't you remember? You checked my ticket at the last station.

Answer 14

i went to school with you and you stat next to me rember we used to tbe the best of freinds

Answer 15

Im being used to throw off suspicion from an mi6 agent. He's gone down the train to catch the al Qaeda terrorist we've been onto for eight months.

He took my ticket with him, and Im very sorry about that, and that will come up in the debreif,  but just carry on walking or the terrorist will get suspicious and blow the charges in his coat pocket.

Do not come back down the train until it has terminated at the last station.

Answer 16

The ticket takers of the past were usually the conductor.  Here is a bit of fun, and there is a correct answer.

Not having a ticket in his possession, the traveler states, "I am a trainman as well.  I have a pass, but I was late and left the house in a hurry, and I neglected to bring it with me."

Suspicious, the conductor asks the ticket-less traveler, "What time do you have?"

The man looks at his watch and replies "A quarter to four."

The conductor looks at his own watch, and the traveler's watch was right on the money.  Even so, the conductor puts the man off of the train at the next station because he knows the man is not a railroader.  

How did he know?

Addendum:  After a short thought, I would like answers to this question, so I will pose it in this category, even though it should be in the riddles category.

Answer 17

I was hungry so I ate it!  

I've used that before and it worked

Answer 18

i 'd look straight to i.d on your chest , say your name and ask if u remember me {posing as a long time  mate]. i would have some little chat with you asking if u still remember some of your mates any if u ve seen any of them in the past few years. at the end of the conversation you 'd be too confused and amused or shy to trouble a suppose long time ago friend for ticket.{this had worked for me once when i was ask by an officer to pull over and was asked to produce my car insurance and identity and all those police stuff , i had somehow misplaced it and just look straight at his chest pretending to remember something, luckily he got what i was looking for[ his name]. then i say " aint you donald williams'' you sure forgot your mate , you still remember keta, liz and christine ........................................... at the end of the conversation and the mentions of names he was too dumb to ask me the insurance and license. he even smiled goodbye as i drove off.....

Answer 19

because im an imagrent thats what the governt ment do they give dem free travel passes and thing to get jobs and stuff its terrible i know this beacuse some one was using my address for something .. it was an imergrant and in there it had free travel vouchers and food vouchers and things

Answer 20

Because my .44 magnum says so... BLAM!