I worry im permenantly stuck or trapped in this situation - can someone help ?

Question

present situation :

i live in a one bedroom flat in the north of england , on disability benefits, i own nothing except an old computer - got no carpets on my floor, a shabby bed etc. i suffer with borderline personality disorder and post traumatic stress - im waiting to hear if i will get group therapy ; my main problems are severe low self worth , rage and aggression and aggraphobia and anxiety, i have social problems forming friendships or relationships with people.

about my history :

ive had a severe hard life, suffered severe abuse, bullying , victimisation, bad times , assaults , head injuries , homelessness , time in a psychiatric hospital , over a time span 0f 16 years , since the age of 16.

ive missed out on most things in life people take for granted : forming any relationships with anyone . never been employed , spent all my life on disability , never got an education , never got any qualifications.

have a minor criminal record for an assault and carrying a knife when i lived in a rough neiborhood, and i was being targeted by local thugs.

obviously have a psychiatric record to.

i used to have outbursts of rage years ago in public places, where id lose control and lash out at people, not something i planned but i would get a build up of paranoia and pressure in my head whilst outside then explode.

but i dont do that anymore , ive managed my rage for years without therapy.

i also unfortunatly havent had consistant therapy over the years, the system failed me so i havent had the help i needed.

what i want for my future :

im now 30 and would like to achieve a normal happy life, to have friends that i choose, a good paying job in computers , a secure life and most importantly ; i want to emigrate from the united kingdom to somewhere hot , somewhere quiet and coastal by the sea, to find a loving senorita or a loving, partner to share my life with.

thats it.

most people when i talk about these desired ambitions put them down, or tell me their beyond my reach and patronisingly say '' i have to be realistic '' '' everybody wants those things but not everybody gets them ''

that ill find it '' impossible '' in my situation at my disadvantages.

its mainly brits who keep on telling me that - other people from elsewhere usually have a more optimistic view towards me.

its like theres a conspiracy where the brits are trying to keep me here against my will ( paranoia keeps creeping in )

all i know is i desperatly want to achieve those goals and leave the uk.

do i have any chance ?

Answer 1

The person who suggested southern California has a good idea there. You can get a computer job, and be pretty much invisible. People will have no idea who you are or anything about your past. You can change into whatever you want to be.

And trust me - there's no shortage of therapists! Best thing is, nearly everyone goes. Seems to be a normal part of life.

I know it's hard, though. You're comfortable with what you have and it is difficult to go into the unknown with the fear that it will be worse than the h**l you already know.

But I know people who have moved wherever they want whenever they want with just enough money for gas to get themselves there. I don't think I would have the courage to do that, but extreme circumstances call for extreme measures, right?

Answer 2

You can do it. Just don't give up. You need to compartmentalize all the different steps you'll need to take to do it. Saving money, finding out about paper-work, researching, making a plan. You've got a will to do it, and a heart to do it, and no one can argue with those things. Bless you. I'll say a prayer for God to bring healing into your life. He can do it,and He loves you. More than you will ever know. He has seen you all your life, and has waited for you to know and reach out for his love. Sorry if this sounds crazy. I'm not a crackpot. Just a believer!

Answer 3

I'm sorry for your pains and i think a good place to come to is southern california in the united states. there's many jobs for computers here and a lot of great community colleges.(Very Cheap) if you have any questions email [e-mail]

Answer 4

You can do ANYTHING you set your mind to. Anyone who tells you otherwise isn't worth your time. Never give up achieving your goals, and you'll eventually end up where you want to be.

Listening to music is an excellent moral booster, you'd be amazed what the pounding beat and well thought out lyrics can do to your mind.

Good luck and never give up.  

Answer 5

People generally want to be with others who have themselves together, so I suggest that even though you want to move away, start where you are. Start with finding a job, making money, making your flat nice and cozy. Keep trying to get therapy-- that's essential to build stability and confidence, and then you might be able to make some new friends, and someone to spend the rest of your life with! You've had a difficult life and you have some issues, but it's not like your mentally retarded. You have a chance as long as you take it!

Answer 6

I forgive you,  God loves you and the you inside yourself is a beautiful and perfect specimen that was created by the Father in heaven to be like him.  You are a loving and loved being.  I love you, like another brother.  You should find at a library, A Course in Miracles, and study it.  It will help you like nothing else in this world can.  It was dictated to a lady in New York, usa in1976,  It took her 7 years of copying what she was told, and her boss typed it up.  A foundation was formed and it was miraculously printed and is being distributed throughout the world.  Jesus Christ is its Author.  I PROMISE you this will help you like nothing else can.