I would like help with my elderly mothers mental condition?

Question

She is 76 yrs old and we do not have a doctor. She lives with my dad but although he acknowledges that she has a problem he refuses to seek help for her as he thinks there is no such medical condition that is causing this. She had a heart attack and tripple by-pass 3 years ago. My mother is a different person than she was. She has absolutely no patience, when she wants to do something it has to be done immediately, she is anxious, gets easily frustrated, her short term memory is lapsing, She gets angry at people really quickly, they both live with me in Ontario Canada after moving from England 7 yrs ago and she wants to go back there. It is a constant battle between her and my dad who refuses to go back at any cost because he knows 6 months after she will want to come back. She can not possibly survive there without dad doing everything for her. I am at a complete loss as to what to do and nobody will help because she has my dad.

Answer 1

Are you sure there isn't a doctor she is suppose to be seeing?  I would think that after a heart attack and x3 bypass someone, somewhere is writing prescriptions for blood pressure medications.

If you can remember who the cardiologist is that saw her, or who the internal medicine doctor is, you can make an appointment to speak to them yourself about your concerns for their patient.  They may be willing to call your parents to "remind" them of a standing appointment and ask them to come in,  

Just a thought.

Answer 2

I'm sorry about the condition of your mother, and I feel for your dad. However the only thing you can do is get your mother to a doctor. I'm not sure what Canada's public health system is like but there has to be help of some sort. If she refuses to go to the doctor there really isn't too much you can do. Just make sure you dad knows he has your support.

Answer 3

My first and most important piece of advice that I can give you is this .... first of all - LOOK AFTER YOU.

You are going to be the most important person in these two peoples lives for the foreseeable future. Do you have support? Try to implement some immediately.

Then .......... here in the UK - we have a wonderful organisation called AGE CONCERN. If (for whatever reason) you cannot get medical attention - attempt to find out what the Canadian equivalent to AGE CONCERN is. They will be able to give you as much advice as you will need.

Please do not take my word for it - but your mother is showing every sign of early onset dementia. Try not to panic when you hear that - there are some incredible drugs and treatments that can help with this situation.

But you really do need professional help.

It is not betrayal of your parents to seek this help.

YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO COPE ON YOUR OWN - and in the end that is a dis-service to your mother.

Surely if they moved there 7 years ago - and she had the heart attacks three years ago - she must have some medical records lodged with some sort of medical instituition. Start there if you really can think of no one else.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Try to be practical and not allow sentiment to condemn both yourself and your parents to the lack of proper care that she absolutely needs.

Answer 4

You really need an objective opinion from a professional person. like a social worker.  That would be my first step. Having a heart attack and triple bypass can sometimes alter a patient's personailty and you really need intervention from a third party.  Good luck.

Answer 5

Please find a doctor for your mother and get her in for an examination.  It could be health problems or mental problems but she needs medical treatment.