I would really like to have a child by my long time bf. I know we should be married and all first?

Question

don't know if I want to wait a few more years before doing so?

What if something happens to him and I don't get the chance to have a kid by him? Such as him passing away?

Answer 1

The most important thing is that you both want the child, whether you are married or not is less important.  You do not say whether your boyfriend really wants to become a father now, I get the feeling that if he did you would not be asking for advice.

If he does not want a child at this time and you get pregnant without his support you could find that you will loose him.

Answer 2

A question that springs to mind is that if he doesn't think enough of you to marry you then would he be a good father figure?  Have some sperm frozen if you want one anyway down the road.  If you have one now better have an attorney set up the child support framework within the law as it presently exists; saves some legal expense later on.  

Answer 3

I would think that if he was going to pass away and not be available to raise the child, then it would have been a good thing that you hadn't had a child with him.  I know I wouldn't try to conceive if my husband or boyfriend had a terminal disease that would kill him in a few years.

Answer 4

Talk it over with him.  If he likes the idea start  baby making.

Answer 5

Tevchnically speaking you could have his sperm frozen. Practically speaking, you can propose, or just have the baby without the paper.  

Answer 6

If it's important to you to be married before having a child, talk to your b.f. and find out how he feels about marriage. If he wants to get married -great; if he doesn't, you have two options - having a child with him anyway, or leaving and looking for someone who wants to marry you. Without knowing how he feels about getting married and having kids, it's impossible to give anything more than a very general advice. Talk to him and discuss your concerns with him.

P.S. Yes, of course there's always an option to wait and see how things play out - it's a great option if you're young, but not so great if you're older and your biological clock it ticking.

Answer 7

This day in age, you don't need a ring. Look at celebrities and your friends. No one cares anymore about the whole marriage-before-babies thing anymore.

Good luck and pre-Congrats!

Answer 8

The PRIMARY reason for marriage is to ensure a contractual obligation to provide for children.  If you do not have this, then you are facing being a single parent at any time.

If this lout isn't willing to marry you, then why on EARTH are you considering having children with him?

If you don't get a chance to have a kid by him, so what?  If he won't marry you, he's not worth procreating with.  The chances of him passing away are vanishingly remote.  You sound very immature to even be thinking this way.  I had a girl run this line on me years ago. . . ."I want to have your baby no matter what happens between us!"  Garbage.  Thank God I didn't, because 7 years later I couldn't stand the sight of her.  The idea that we could be linked by a common child still causes me to wake up in a cold sweat occasionally.  

Don't go doing something irrevocably stupid, just because your hormones are telling you to.

Answer 9

As long as he's in agreement with you and likes the idea I don't see why you have to be married, half of those end in divorce anyway. It IS possible to provide a child with a better environment, even if you're not married, than some people that are married provide for their kids. Most importantly is that HE is aware of your plans to have a child...no "trapping" the guy, that's just wrong.

What if what if what if...that's no way to live life. Enjoy what you have everyday and go after what you want...as long as he knows the deal.

Answer 10

why do you have to be married first?

Answer 11

Your options:

1) Have a child out of wed-lock

2) Get married now and have a child that is born out of a marriage.

3) Freeze sperm/eggs

Answer 12

Those are silly reasons to have a baby. Wait until you're mature enough to get married, are financially stable and have grown up

Answer 13

you could but personally i wouldn't until you get married because bringing kids in the situation does complicate things. and if you guys dont work out then he will just be your baby daddy and you may have to raise the kid by yourself. another good reason is when you guys 1st get married you are gonna want to go thru the whole honeymoon phase where you 2 travel and have hot s*x on the dinning room table and fun stuff like that but if there is a baby involved it makes it a bit difficult at times.