Question:

I write stories as a hobby what do u think of this one? no stupid comments that make no sense wud u read more?

by  |  earlier

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The streets of New York were quiet, nothing was alive and nothing had motion. It was boxing day half seven in the evening most job workers of the big city were sleeping in their homes tired from all the fuss Christmas day had offered them. The mothers were satisfied with the joys which had been blessed on the families in this time of the year. Also the children who thought Santa existed were chuffed with there top of the range clothes and gifts which had been given to them on Christmas morning, however the family men were still recovering from all the debts that they owed to the manipulating bills and presents they could not afford. To make things worse they were also recovering from the hangovers which had been given to them from the brothers in laws and their obsession always to drink vodka on every celebration. It was a time of year they hated and despised however were hiding it to keep the children happy and keep safe from the desperate wives bellowing down their ears. They were now looking forward to nothing except a financial disaster for the new year on the other hand they were still praying for one thing. That the conference in the morning for the big boxing fight between the 2 black American fighters Lewis Carters and James Husky went well and the fight was to go forward.

By now it was eight o clock, paparazzi were outside the queens park palace waiting for Lewis Carters to arrive at the conference. He would often do this to build suspense in the atmosphere and get all the people from his home town, Brooklyn, to cheer him on when he got there. James Husky was already in the building., he was Lewis Carters opponent and is the heavy weight champion. He has been fighting professional for 25 years and has been undefeated since he had the belt- he has had eight fights since he had had won the title and has either knocked his opponents out within the first two rounds or they have got so hurt in the fight from his deadly combinations of punches that the coaches and trainers have thrown in the towel. It was going to be the best fight since Muhammad Ali and Joe Frasier fought it out in the famous fight known commonly as the thrilla in manila. Husky was a fairly tall man with a muscular build, he had a very quick reacting mind in the ring, he was a powerful puncher and the unordinary thing about him is that he can fight either orthodox or southpaw stance in the ring. He was given the nickname James the power man Husky after knocking Fredson juniour out in the 2nd round with a lethal uppercut which knocked one of fredsons moulders out of his mouth blood was all over the ring and it was classed to be one of the most memorable fights in history. What made it unordinary was this was when he was in the cruiser weight and the power of the punch was the equivalent of Geroge Foremans awesome hooks.. James always stay focused on the aim of the fight which is to win and that integrity and spirit has won him most of his fights. A characteristic which made him stand outside the ring was that he was very crotchety this was also the case after his fights and in public. Whenever he was victorious over one of his fights he would always end up yelling at a bewildered reporter who he would end up either pushing onto the floor. Even though he was like this, it was what made him entertaining to watch and he is known to have one of the most amazing attitudes to live. In the conference room Husky was wearing an black swage suit with a black striped **** and blue aqua coloured tie, he was sitting in there patiently waiting for the conference to progress.

While James Husky was inside sitting on lined table on the right side of the room sipping his glass of squeezed lemon, loud chaotic noises were coming from outside. Outside was a large Grey gold plated 550 Ferrari Maranello. It had top of the range platinum rims. Everyone in the neighbourhood could hear its engine roaring whilst pouncing forward , it was being blocked by a crowd and the car was unable to move forward so it pulled to the side of the curve and stopped. The passengers door was opened and Bobby Norton approached onto the road. Bobby Norton was Lewis Carters promoter and had been his promoter for years. He was experienced at what he did and was also a promoter of other great fighters like Ben Gills Olympic silver medallist in welter weight and also Benvollio Dulcet heavy weight champion from 1997 to 1998 however he was less popular when he was defeated by “James the power man Husky” in 1998. Norton was a very popular man also known for when he used to be a entrepreneur for many successful training businesses located all over the States and Europe however he gave all his businesses to his oldest son Thomas Norton mainly due to being so busy in his promoting work. On the other hand nobody really cared about his career professions just cared about him being a good looking multi millionaire mainly because of the many privatized companies that he owns. Which could be anything leisure companies, electronics or even a broad way drug racket for a mob living in little Italy but who knows nobody really tried to get on his bad side in public and in the media, due to the several people who have crossed him in their lives have received extra attention from his body guards which isn’t a pretty sight.

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9 ANSWERS


  1. I think that if you're going to write something then you need to write where you can catch the reader's attention in the first few lines...you're story is okay but it's kind of boring...I think that you're a good writer you just have to learn to keep the reader interested


  2. try to avoid run-on sentences like the following one.

    Also the children who thought Santa existed were chuffed with there top of the range clothes and gifts which had been given to them on Christmas morning, however the family men were still recovering from all the debts that they owed to the manipulating bills and presents they could not afford.

    chuffed?????? top of the range???  their  not there

    pip, pip cheero and all that rot

  3. If it were a book I'd read it!

  4. well for me as a young adult it would not interest me. but i bet the more mature people of the world would like it. if you really like doing this don't ask people to keep going yoou keep going yourself you were gifted with a talent don't let anyone change that

  5. The issue here isn't whether its a "good" or "bad" story - that is subjective for the reader. Some will like it and some won't.

    The issue here is about the process of writing and your approach to it.

    A skill you really do need to work on is that of re-writing. Everything you write should be read critically and re-written by you at least 10 times and preferably more. Each time you need to decide whether each phrase, sentence and paragraph is saying what you actually meant it to say and modify it accordingly. At the same time you should be trying to cut down on the length as most writers write too much rather than too little.

  6. very intreguing

  7. I got bored after reading the first few lines.

  8. its really good.you're a natural writer.However i would probaly put a bit more action in it because its kind of stuck to one thing.But overall i thought it was good.Keep on wrting stories.

  9. This sounds a good story I would like to know how it ends. It could be improved by the use of more colourful adjectives, but I like the style. Perhaps it needs to have shorter sentences and paragraphs to make it more "punchy" or "alive" Consider the use of dialogue also. I would rate you7/10 so far

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