I wrote a poem, what do you think?

Question

My body has fallen upon me like a prison of pain, and

I am, forever, chained to that pain by a flickering of faith.

Has my fate been sealed by my tears that run like the wax of a candle unheard, and along with that silence, the only door that answers.

At times it seems there are no windows, and that the darkness of the pain is swallowing me up.

I pray, but to what end will light find its way through a window that has been closed to hope?

Am I such a person, of a sentence to life without parole?

Is there no innocence in me, that my cries remain unheard?

Yet I have been found guilty, and left unprotected to be plundered by those sworn to hold a shield in my favor.

But who am I to judge? Even I can't look myself in the mirror

For when I do, I too have to live with what I see.

Answer 1

I will give you a rose for this your prose

and to you good luck

as far as it goes !!

Follow the advise of the ones who give it and you will do well.

cheers!

Answer 2

sometimes pain becomes the teacher of wisdom,

or may be is itself to light,

so let's not look at the side ot bordome,

despair in darkness we should fight,

as there are many beautiful things we stil have,

but it is just us who we didn't look at that side,

i believe that there must be a window but needs focus and faith to find,

so my friend never give in ,as i see u have many potinials that enables u to reach height,

and next time u look at ur mirror give it a "cheesy smile":D that i know and never loose that from ur sight.......

by ur friend

Amira

:)

Answer 3

The verse speaks for it self. The two last lines remind me of a saying,' that doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.' And they made a nice closure.

I think that you have to revise it, and put it into more proper format.The sense of poetry is there. keep on writing.  

Answer 4

This is very well written and I like what it says. But it's not really even a free verse poem. Don't get me wrong. I'm just saying that, in my opinion of what poetry is, this is prose, good prose but prose nonetheless. Poetry has to have attention to a pattern of sound and rhythm. The lack of that leaves it as prose. That doesn't mean it has to have a classical form or rhyme but it does have to have something.

Think about how it would SOUND as you read it out loud; it has to be written that way for the reader to hear that way. Basically, make the lines shorter and stretch it down the page.