I wrote a poem... Could you pretty please criticize it?

Question

As in, I always like ego rubs, but please actually criticize it.

Silent. Observant.

Overanalyzing and dissecting my soul,

wondering everything,

knowing nothing,

despite this desperate desire to perceive,

Despite this desperate will to decipher.

I contemplate my disability,

obscurity that continues to the depths,

Indefinite lengths to never be fathomed,

Which I know in my heart may never be plumbed,

Despite how I long,

Despite my cry,

Forlorn in the wind,

Flits like sand in the breeze,

swirls like hollowed butterflies,

Waves like silken sleeves,

Whispering like a broken heart

as her lover leaves.

And the moon smiles down upon my grief,

Diana grins upon my huddled, lonesome back.

And the wolves croon the song I no can longer continue,

My voice is too hoarse with the singing,

My quaking lips utter their dumb noise,

the musical light of the waning crescent lilts upon my cheeks,

my soul spills unbidden diamonds upon my cheeks,

Answer 1

you wrote this?????

wikid man!

u shud totally publish this!

omg!

really gud-

i advise u to publish this and get sum big dough, if u know what im sayin:D

Answer 2

You describe crying beautifully i love the last line it all comes together.  

Yet knowing nothing but

my own

small

pain.

Reminds me of this poem that I wrote.

Angst

-------

I cry out to the Lord -

squeezing tears upon my cheek

to no avail

my heart is hardened!

I think of Pharaoh, what he must have gone through

Back and forth, back and forth to no avail,

to no satisfaction of relief.

Whatever the call, Pharaoh was not making it.

“And what about me my lot to Thee,” I cry out, “Why me?”

“Even in this poem, I am squeezed, I have confessed to Thee, Oh God.”

“Unto Thee have I sinned?”

“Would I have been better off than to have never been born?”

“Even that phrase seems so foreign to me.”

Answer 3

I LIKE IT

Answer 4

It's good, but the part where it says " my quaking lips utter their dumb noise", the word dumb just feels out of place, if i were you, I would find a word to replace dumb. But it's good. I really like it.

Answer 5

A fine poem ! Rich imagery ! Quite good really !

:0)

Answer 6

... I don't really like it.

It's long, and not much is said. It's very descriptive, but not of anything relevant. Seems to lack meaning...

Anyway, that's just my opinion. I'm rather particular about poetry, and this doesn't appeal to me. It's not bad, but it doesn't interest me.