Question:

I wrote this and wanted to see what people thought about it. Is it good?

by  |  earlier

0 LIKES UnLike

ACT OF WAR

An act of war, hate, and frustration

Anger and violence through penetration.

The tears and screams go unheard.

If only they’d listen to the one little word

To re-live that night everyday

To be reminded of it in everyway

When you shower or when you shave

To yourself, you will always be a slave

Your emotions and your life begin to rattle

Every time you think of that battle

You ask yourself, when will this end?

Where was a friend with a shoulder to lend?

This war has gone on and on for years

But is it really worth all of the tears?

Is it worth re-living the pain

Of the night that your childhood was slain

You wish to forgive, but refuse to forget

But sometimes you want nothing to do with it.

You never know how much life means

Until you are laying there listening to your own screams.

Afterwards, all you want is to die

But when it doesn’t work you begin wonder why

You try to start over, starting at the end

Finally looking forward to what’s just around the bend.

Know that you will always have your past

That’s exactly what it is, it doesn’t have to last.

It can never go away, it can never hide

Don’t wear it on your shoulder or have it by your side.

Rise up again and live like the sun

It wasn’t your fault you don’t have to run

Forgive yourself for the little mistakes

You will then see what a difference it makes

You’ll look in the mirror and not shed a tear

You’ll live a great life without all the fear

Turn to your family or to a friend

That is the only way that this war will ever end.

 Tags:

   Report

5 ANSWERS


  1. good?!?!

    it's so great!

    it definitely has a strong message between love and war...

    nice poem there..=]


  2. Wrong place =| & poetry is bs. All it does is make something simple complicated. tl;dr all in all you're saying 'zomg war is liek bad'.

  3. your poem, to me, actually captivated all the things that go thru when war strikes the fear of the people, and all it does, the pain, and knowing that it can comeback. how u can't change what was done. and how you shouldn't be afraid when war strikes, even though you know wat happens, and just somehow co-existing with all that violence.

    i loved your poem.

  4. This is fantastic!  ^^

    The rhyme is so natural... I'm jealous, lol.  I usually don't like AABB, but you made it work really well.  And not a word sounds forced.

    The emotion in this is intense, and very real.

    I love the stanza about the past.  It's beautiful.

    I also love "Rise up again and live like the sun / It wasn't your fault you don't have to run," but you should have a comma between fault and run.  ^^

  5. I love it. Very good. I'd suggest changing the third verse last line to "Is there a friend with a shoulder to lend?" Because you need their help now, not before. But its really good.

Question Stats

Latest activity: earlier.
This question has 5 answers.

BECOME A GUIDE

Share your knowledge and help people by answering questions.