I wrote this from boredom?

Question

Hey!

I just wrote this now and was wondering what you think of it. And please, no rude answers :)

“No, it can’t be!” and with those words, I vanished.

Now where I actually vanished to, that remains a mystery. However, the familiar breath breaths upon me, slowly at first and increasing, growling and snarling hungrily. Enormous wings spread securely over my shoulders, protecting me like a warm blanket. The voice speaks to me. I hesitate, unsure of whether or not it’s truly safe. Below us, lies the shadow of the moon dancing along the waves gracefully. The cool, refreshing air lingers around us. Hundreds of swirling clouds surround me, moving along in a recurring pattern. Twinkling stars spread across the sky, lighting up the patches of darkness, where I catch sight of the most dangerous constellation of all, “The Dragon.”

Now I realize where I have vanished too. I have fallen into the frightful dragon itself, as a helpless prisoner.

Answer 1

Sounds like 1975. that was my wildest, most antisocial time and I had visions plunking through my head. Lucky I made it to 1976.

Answer 2

It's okay but not great. You use to many adjectives and fluffy words to describe it. It's needs a little work on grammar but otherwise not bad.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

help me with my writing too!

please......:)

Answer 3

Not something I would willingly read. Not to be rude, but I just couldn't help but chuckle at, "the familiar breath breaths upon me". Tehehe

Answer 4

It does sound interesting, I would read it, for sure. Is there a place I can read it when you complete it???

Answer 5

My honest answer:

I did not understand your description. It doesn't come together and make a clear picture. It seems like you're up in the sky, but I only get that from the last sentence. Your words are too flowery, it seems like you might be trying too hard to use a lot of adjectives. You should also think about rewording "the familiar breath breathes upon me."

But then again, this was mostly descriptive, and they aren't my favorite parts in stories. Also, your last line gets me hooked to find out more, but it was only because I read through. If you could straighten out your description and make it clearer, I think it could be a pretty good start if you know where you're going with it.

Happy writing.