I wrote this poem, i'd like to know your opinions about it.?

Question

Candle.....

when the power's cut and there is no sign of the moon,

and its dark and spooky in every room,

that's when i come into the scene,

along with fire, we are a team.

how she burns me, the pain, i cannot explain

for fire is wild, her nature, i must not blame

crying for hours silently, i don't complain

alas! i begin to shrink and look so lame.

my life is short, my death, painful and slow.

i come in all shapes and sizes, you'd simply adore,

i am admired when fire gives her bright sparkling glow

its her not me who deserves those praises you know.

they love my beauty, yet give me pain

why are people so strange, unusual, insane!

couldn't they use an alternative to me,

leave me in peace, let me be.

if they love me so much, that's what they should do,

could you try talking to them, for my sake could you?

Answer 1

its beautiful great job! keep at it you have great potential!!!!!!

Answer 2

I think the concept is a good one: a candle's perspective.  I'm not sure if the way you posted it is exactly how it is written elsewhere...for example, the lower case "i" and "its" when it should be "it's"...it's possible that you were in a hurry to get it posted and these got past you.  "Alas" sounds a little out of place with the voice of the poem, but it does add an air of antiquity, so it actually works in this poem.  I believe the biggest thing you might avoid is the four lines of consecutive rhyme (explain, blame, complain, lame).  and "adore", not rhyming with slow, glow and know, creates an aaba pattern.  Rhymed couplets are very difficult to pull off because the rhymed words are too close together...yet your longer lines might have done better if they were not doubled up to create the four lines of the same rhyme.  Still there is a quality to the poem that you should keep...just consider some editing to soften up the middle, and it should be fine.

As far as where to submit poetry?  I'd suggest you buy a copy of this year's "poets market" and see who else might want to publish your poetry.  In addition to providing names, addresses, points of contact and submission details, it also provides very helpful instruction on how to submit poetry to publishers and contests.

...keep writing

Answer 3

That was amazing! Very beautiful. Have you ever thought of putting out a book of poetry ? You really should. If you do, count on me to buy it.

Answer 4

AWSOME POEM U SHOULD REALLY GET IT COPYRIGHTED ASAP SO NOBODY CAN STEAL IT AND ENTER IT IN A POEM CONTEST.

Answer 5

I love it! You should enter it in a poetry contest.