I wrote this poem.Do ya like it?

Question

Invisible

Sometimes i see him staring.Is it me he sees or does he even know im there?With all this pain ive been through, im not even sure i care.

Should i tell him how im feeling?My heart says dont you dare!But the way that i am feeling makes my love so hard to bear.

One day I say hello, he says who are you?I said im the girl i thought that you knew.I geuss not thats ok too.

All the time he was staring, he was staring at himself in the mirror hung behind me, i want to kill myself.

He didnt kno i was there he doesnt kno im here and with another broken heart comes another tear.

Answer 1

I see by the invisibility

that someone is feeling left out

because of lines like He doesn't know I exist

or will he know?

I see the sadness because of the broken heart

will bring some tears.

You said hello communicated only to no

avail.

You are indeed hurting

he needs to understand how you feel

Answer 2

OMG i can totally relate... I LIKE your poem, i couldve wrote somehting like that too but im not very good at words... Im good in drawing. i have this  crush and I feel that he does stare at me sometimes but when i try try to catch him he was like turning his gaze away from me and i have no clue if he likes me too or what but he knows i did like 3 portraits of him already and he saw but when he learned that i was the one hwo made them, he turned cold feet to say thanks to me. so since that day i never saw him again but he still goes to the place where i work only after my shift but doesnt ask anything about me.

hehehhee Ayway its juat a crush.. im not inlove yet... I HOPE heheh

Answer 3

I can appreciate the idea of this poem and if it is autobiographical then to bad for you.  

I don't really care about the spelling errors.  A simple spell check would sort that out, but it points to something bigger.  And that is it seems like you were in a hurry to write it...  And there lies that problem with this poem.  

You had an idea and could be a good one.  Mistaken flirtation, embarrassment, always great material. However the execution is poor, weak rhymes ie:  you and too, dare and bear, there and care, and himSELF and mySELF.  

Completely forget this poem and write another about the same exact thing, maybe don't try to rhyme, you may find a better voice.  If you must rhyme, which is very difficult to do well, take more time.  

The theme is wonderful.    

Answer 4

I like it. It's a little too sad, but it's really good.

Answer 5

This is really good! I can totally relate to it too, and thats one of the most important things about poetry, if other people can find something in your poem that speaks to them.