I wrote this poem for my friend. What do you think of it?

Question

Hello x]

Im 13 and just wrote a poem for my best friend.

She hasn't seen it yet >.< And I want to know what you think of it.

Help me out?

I'm not very good at poems, so i'd like some advice.

Thanks :]

-name?-

T’was a girl with orange-red hair,

With a smile that reached the sky,

A child with a bright future,

Who never told a lie.

More then just a pretty face,

The girl was smart as ever,

Loyal, true, and very kind,

She could even pull off clever.

As she aged she learned and grew,

Her life had very few flaws,

It was a life worth living,

With little time to pause.

Time continued to speed on by,

When something went horribly wrong,

She had no time to dance or play,

Or even hum a song.

Moving across the United States,

Is easier said then done,

Of course she stayed optimistic,

Her smile could out-shine the sun.

The new life started easy,

But nothing was the same,

She lost her smile in a bet,

Like life was some sick game.

Answer 1

i like it so can you read mine

Love is a crazy thing but, why do so many people want it so bad.

Love is a intense affection for another arising out of kindship or personal ties so why cant people find it.

Love is like a rubix cube, not many people are able to solve it but, when they find it they feel like that they are on top of the world but, when someone that comes up that you love and stabes you in the back you can feel lower than dirt.

They say love is the perfect thing in the world but, love can be the worst thing that you will ever experence in your life.

Love is a provilage that some people cant have because they havnt searced hard enough.

Love can be a crazy thing but love can be the most lovly thing in the world.

this is poem so i hope you enjoy it

Answer 2

I enjoyed reading this poem, it is very good.  One suggestion though:  when you use the word then, it should actually be changed to than.  ex:  more than a pretty face...

Answer 3

the rhyme skeme at the end doesnt make sense. you need to work on that. it&#039;s sorta good, but try to make it a little less cheesy and a little more deep.

Answer 4

I like it.

I like it so much..

JANE I WANT YOU TO WRITE ME ONE !.

xD

the end is sad.

but like..isnt a poem supposed to have some sort of like beat ehh iono.

i like it (:

Answer 5

I love it! its perfect.. i think your friend will enjoy it. you did very well. you are good at poems.. i love how it rhymes and its nice and long

Answer 6

Jellybean,

For someone who is not good at

writing poetry you did very well here

It has strong feelings between you and your friend

You describe her very well

Friendships have bumps in them

like if one moves away

this is a sad time for both people

She lost her smile a bit because she misses you

and the good times.

If there was a way you could communicate with her

tell her how you feel tell her you miss her

Ask her why she had to move

Life is always mysterious

something new

with everything changing

You wrote a poem

nothing stays the same.  

Just like your friend has made some changes too.

Answer 7

i think this is a great poem ... your friend will love it but next time add more rhymes and things that are like things that are impossible like ..... she had a smile that reach the sky that was great...but yeah great poem.    : )

Answer 8

No offence to her or you, but the end makes her sound emo. But besides that, good.

Answer 9

i think thats a bloody d**n good poem!

Answer 10

I yhink that poem is good keep writin  dont let any one tell you you cant  .  check out bookbooters . com they can help u get stuff published

Answer 11

great poem...

but you should take out a &quot;life&quot;.

maybe change

&quot;The new life started easy,

But nothing was the same,

She lost her smile in a bet,

Like life was some sick game.&quot;

to

&quot;It seemed to be easy,

But nothing was the same,

She lost her smile in a bet,

Like life was some sick game.&quot;

or something like that...

i wouldn&#039;t change the &quot;life&quot; on the line &quot;Like life was some sick game&quot;, i like that line.

Hope this helped some and you can use my suggestion or branch off of it and make it the way you like it.

(  :

Mike

Answer 12

That is the sweetest thing ever.

I&#039;m sure your friend will love it even if it&#039;s not perfect. I don&#039;t see anything wrong with it though. I think it should be happy at the end though.