IA parents: In what ways have you kept your child's culture a part of their lives?

Question

My daughter is only 3, but we read books and we've celebrated 2 Chinese New Year events and we've subscribed to the Mandarin channel. Plus our agency is pretty amazing when it comes to offering support with special events geared towards international adoptees, including playgroups. When she's older we would like her to attend Manadrin language classes and culture camps. And also, we plan to return to China when she is about 6.

Is there anything I'm missing?

Answer 1

We are fortunate that there is a large Liberian (and west african in general) immigrant population in our city.  They have been wonderful to us: welcoming, embracing and including.  It' been especially helpful because my children were never educated on many traditions due to a very lengthy civil war.  

Sadly, the hot&sour soup from the Chinese cafe down the road, when poured over white rice, is much better than my best attempt at pepper soup.  

We are also in contact with several families that adopted children from the same orphanage.  Our agency has "reunions" every two or three years and that's a great time to re-connect with friends they made in the orphanage as well as hold cultural education events. But between reunions, there are phone calls, too!   The children are excited that a family will be moving closer to us this summer.  Not the same city, but close enough for a day trip.

Language isn't an issue because English is spoken in Liberia.

ETA: Arnie, I hear what you're saying.  Talking about racial/cultural differences isn't something that we do every day.  We do plenty of things as a family that doesn't involve this too.  But we IA parents are constantly critcized for not doing enough to promote the culture of birth.

Answer 2

You've been doing great!   And, you're just getting started <wink>

I think the most important thing, and quite possibly the hardest, is really connecting with the Chinese American and larger Asian American community. When white folks like us try to communicate our children's culture, it is pretty much by definition a sort of uni-dimensional and stereotyped version of the culture. It can be more like cultural appropriation than real, living culture. We don't know what it is like to be Chinese or Chinese American, so we can't really teach our kids. Sure, we can go to Chinese New Year and read books and eat yummy food, but that isn't what culture is like from the "inside." Most of my Chinese American friends do not go to Chinese New Years parades and such -- they celebrate in their families at home.

This isn't an easy thing to do by any means. Because it is weird to just go up to people and say, "Hi! My daughter is Chinese and so are you, so would you invite us over to dinner and be her mentor?!"  (I KNOW you would not do this!) . I have been able to connect with an immigrant family at our local restaurant that also has a young son. That has been very interesting, because we are so different (not just ethnically and linguistically and in terms of cultural heritage, but class and education also). They have invited us over and one time even served chicken feet! That's when I knew we'd arrived, lol! I also have several close Chinese American friends in our travel group to China. They are American Born Chinese, so they are probably a lot closer to understanding what life will be like for our daughter. I always use them as a sounding board for questions I'm not sure about. I wish we lived closer.

We also have been members for many years of the Japanese American Citizen's League (JACL). They are an AWESOME organization -- one of our country's foremost promoters of civil rights for ALL people. After September 11th they were among the very first to stand up for the rights of American Muslims and detainees in Guantanamo -- because they know what it means to be locked up because of your background. Our local Buddhist temple is mostly Japanese rather than Chinese (well, there is a Tibetan one also), but we still do attend sometimes.

You can also sometimes connect to other parents at the park. That can be a great connection. We have befriended several mixed Asian/white families with similar aged kids, and I hope this will set up a long-term friendship for the kids, because in many ways their experiences with race in our society will be similar.

Our kids will be probably never really be all that Chinese American, unless they marry in. But they will be perceived as Asian American (or often just as Asian) when they are not with us. We owe it to them to give them many different Asian American adults and kids to help them learn what that means and how to be comfortable in their skin.

Answer 3

I think you may be over doing it personally, some times good intentions make some one feel like they don't belong. She is already different, mabey you should make up your own stuff that your family shares, and let her decide when and if she wants to be part of a seperate culture. I have 8 bio sibs each of us has a different father and each father is from a different culture, but all we want is to fit with each other and to feel 'normal'. Being adopted has made me even more sensitive to needing to fit in with my family(the adopted one). I have always hated knowing that every one is busy picking out what is different.

Answer 4

Only thing I would suggest is not waiting till she's older for language classes. Best time is at their youngest, like now...

other than that, you're doing wonderful! much props to you!!

Answer 5

My boys are only 1 and 2, but so far we've attended Korean culture festivals, celebrated their first birthdays with a Tol ceremony (traditional Korean first birthday, complete with traditional Korean clothing), Celebrated other Korean holidays, attend our agencies gatherings 2-3 times a year, get together regularly with other families who've adopted from Korea, and friends of ours from Korea, I've "attempted to make Korean food several times, but found it's better to go the the Korean restaurant. We also read books from Korea, listen toKorean children's music, and even found a "Thomas" video in Korean that the boys watch. We're also enrolling our oldest in Tae Kwon Do when he turnes 3.



When the boys are older we plan to attend a family culture camp, learn Korean, hopefully as a family, and visit Korea together at least once.

I know I always feel like I'm missing something. It sounds like you're doing a great job though!

Answer 6

I may be wrong because I am a white mother of mostly white children (I ahve a daughter who is native american and a grandson who is African-American and of course, they both are mixed with white) but all i have ever done is discuss things as they came up in movies, etc, provided learnign opportunities, tried not to impress upon them too much the differences because I want them to feel a connection to both cultures, and just let most of it be natural. My grandson is too young to tell how well this worked, my my daughter is proud of her heritage, even ahs a roll-card to the Cherokee Nation, and studied anthropology in college. i did do things as she got older such as exposing her to Bury My Heart At Wounded Knee and things along those lines and of course, i exposed her to the truth about native Americans and the annihilation by the U.S. government, but I don't think I did as much as young as you have nor did I try as hard as you are. Maybe you need to relax. i mean, she may not want to learn Chinese.

Answer 7

We have an adoption group strickly for Guatemalan children that we get together with every once in a while.  I try to speak Spanish whenever I can.  We have Guatemalan items in our house.  We attend hispanic festivals, etc. and eat at Guatemalan restaurants.  My son's God mother is from Guatemala as well.  We also talk about Guatemala alot because it's a neat country and one day we may visit!

Answer 8

We did not adopt internationally but my daughter is biracial.

she was neither interested in learning Gaelic or Swahili.

She can read Latin more then she can converse and now she is learning Russian. In case anyone did not know Latin is a dead language and there are not too many people who converse in Latin but she belongs to a cyberschool co-op where many of the children read and converse in Latin.

She is fascinated with anything to do with The Underground Railroad. It just blows her mind that it was a crime for African American children to learn to read and write. Her favorite book is "Follow the Drinking Gourd". And when ever she sees the Big Dipper she starts to sing the song. You would be surprised how many African Americans do not know the story. She has an Addy from American Girl and a few others.

She is Irish too and loves Irish Clog dancing. She also has Native American in here but her mother is not registered in a tribe. So we take any opportunity when the Lenape Indians have something going on to attend. They are some of the nicest and aceepting people.