IEP meeting in ILLINOIS. What to ask? How to ask? How to convince them to help my son? Please please help....

Question

My son is 14, and he is autistic. He does not live with me, he lives with his dad.

His dad has not raised him to have self control or common sense....has not raised him to tell the truth either. I have tried in the past to regain custody and have not been successful. Regaining custody is no longer an option. As much as I love my son, I can no longer even hope to help him myself or hope to channel his behavior in a constructive manner.

To help anyone that wants to answer this to understand, his dad has inappropriate expectations of others, and he lies (this has been witnessed).

My son is emulating his actions and attitude. He lies, cheats, touches other people and their food, makes very inappropriate comments and noises, and is a constant distraction to others at school.

I am not sure what to ask for at the IEP. It is almost to late to do anything for him before he "grows up". How do I help him? What do I ask for? How do I make them give it? Help me please......

Answer 1

It will be helpful if you understand that autism is a communication disorder and a social disorder. This is due to a disruption of processing in the language areas of the brain. Children with autism have a great deal of trouble understanding what is said to them or expressing their needs appropriately. They also do not pick up on social cues in the environment and need to be taught social skills directly.

At the IEP meeting, insist that the Speech Language Pathologist  works on PRAGMATIC language skills. Too frequently these professionals work on understanding words, but your son's social language seems to be his priority need. Make sure that the language goals are for using language appropriately.

If your son is in a regular classroom, he needs to be pulled out and taught these skills directly. Then he needs to be coached in the classroom to use these new skills. This must be done by a teacher and not an assistant.

If he is in an autism room, make sure he gets instruction in the skills that he needs, daily. Sometimes these rooms get caught up in academics and forget social skills entirely. While academics are important, if the person can't blend into society, then all is for naught.

Make sure the IEP team writes social goals that are specific to your son's behavior. One way to develop goals is to think about the misbehavior and ask yourself, what you would rather he do instead. You might want to make up some goals and bring them to the meeting.

Say your son touches other people and their food. What would you rather he do instead? The goal could be to respect the personal space of other people.  We could just say, keep your hands and feet to yourself, but that does not provide the opportunity to teach the child about personal space.

Your son is not too old to learn social skills. I suggest you read Scott Bellini's book, "Building Social Relationships: A Systematic Approach to Teaching Social Interaction Skills to Children and Adolescents With Autism Spectrum Disorders and Other Social Difficulties." This will help you understand your son's social problems and help you to teach some of the skills that are needed.

Finally, in order to understand autism, I suggest that you read Temple Grandin's book, "Thinking in Pictures." She is autistic and has a PhD. It is really a great inside look on what it is like to be autistic.

Answer 2

First of all Mariah, you are not alone,

An IEP is an Individual Education Plan specifically designed for your child. Since he is 14 already and it is hard to stop out of control behavior, although education is important... put it aside for a bit until your child's teacher can get him under control and this means taking away his favorite thing to do and having him earn it back and although its hard to do, keep doing it until he gets the message hey if i behave i get my___ (fill in the blank) if i mis behave I get it taken away. he will learn it.  

questions to ask..... will he have one on one for most or part of the day?, what will happen if the behavior continues after you've tried everything? Make a behavioral plan to be used at school and at home ( work as a team not against each other) I know its hard when the child doesnt live with you... tell them you want counseling for your son. let them know you are willing to do your part the best you can.  here is just a few questions to get you started and they already are helping him The IEP is a start make them and yourself follow through.

even children with disabilitis know when they are being shuffled into the mix and can play on that in many different clever ways.

dont be afraid to sit down and think about questions to ask and write them down and take your notes with you to the meeting. No question great or small can be stupid unless it is unasked.

if you want to email me some things you would like to have addressed in the meeting, I will help you come up with questions and you can print them out.  you can also take someone(you trust) with you to help you

my IM is [e-mail] and we can start their.

Answer 3

You will be able to discuss his needs during this meeting.  Are you satisfied with his current level of service?  If not express this at the meeting.  Does he need to be in a classroom with a smaller student to teacher ratio?   Express your goals for your son so that they can be incorporated into the IEP.  Does he need more one to one attention?  Ask about both long term and short term expectations for your son.

Answer 4

You are a very important part of the IEP team. Any concerns you have  about your son's education including his behavior should be addressed at the meeting. Important part is the keyword "team". Once the concerns are addressed, each member of the team should discuss what is in the best interest of the child..what goals need to be set, how they will be accomplished and within what time line. Any related services; accommadations, or special factors must be taken into consideration and be included on the IEP. One special factor they must consider is the childs behavior: (The following comes from the US Dept of Education IEP Guide)

Depending on the needs of the child, the IEP team needs to consider what the law calls special factors. These include:

*If the child’s behavior interferes with his or her learning or the learning of others, the IEP team will consider strategies and supports to address the child’s behavior.

*If the child is blind or visually impaired, the IEP team must provide for instruction in Braille or the use of Braille, unless it determines after an appropriate evaluation that the child does not need this instruction.

*If the child has communication needs, the IEP team must consider those needs.

*If the child is deaf or hard of hearing, the IEP team will consider his or her language and communication needs. This includes the child’s opportunities to communicate directly with classmates and school staff in his or her usual method of communication (for example, sign language).

*The IEP team must always consider the child’s need for assistive technology devices or services.

For related services:

A child may require any of the following related services in order to benefit from special education. Related services, as listed under IDEA, include (but are not limited to):

Audiology services

Counseling services

Early identification and assessment of disabilities in children

Medical services

Occupational therapy

Orientation and mobility services

Parent counseling and training

Physical therapy

Psychological services

Recreation

Rehabilitation counseling services

School health services

Social work services in schools

Speech-language pathology services

Transportation

If a child needs a particular related service in order to benefit from special education, the related service professional should be involved in developing the IEP. He or she may be invited by the school or parent to join the IEP team as a person "with knowledge or special expertise about the child."

You may want to consider discussing behavioral counseling with the IEP team for him. They can teach him in a way he'll understand that the behavior he is using in unacceptable and can teach him how to change that negative behavior into a positive behavior. Most of the time they don't even realize that the behavior they are expressing is not tolerated or the are being disruptive, most of the the time there behavior is a result of something else that is going on such as sensory issues.  Either way it needs to be addressed and a plan put into place to help him with his behavior.

Considering your son is 14, they now must include transition planning in his IEP:

Transition planning, for students beginning at age 14 (and sometimes younger)--involves helping the student plan his or her courses of study (such as advanced placement or vocational education) so that the classes the student takes will lead to his or her post-school goals.

Most importantly, if you do not agree with the goals set for for your son on his IEP or do not agree with any other part of his IEP..do not sign it..try to continue to dicuss it in a calmly manner and try to come to an agreement that everyone is satisfied with. If you cannot get to that point there are other steps you can take as well.

I'm leaving the link to the IEP guide, it will tell you everything you need to know about it..from what each team member's role is, to writing it, to it being implemented, transition services; what to do if you don't agree with it; etc. There are links as well there addressing your civil rights; the laws protecting your child; and they also have a disabilities information center that has alot of info for parents involving the IEP, IDEA, etc. Good Luck.

Answer 5

I would ask for a current Social Work and Occupational Therapy evaluation with a clear plan of behavior modification. This requires patience and a lot of consistency to be beneficial. Make sure each of your child's teachers understands and agrees with the steps that need to be taken for certain behaviors.

The inappropriate noises, touching food and people, is not uncommon behavior with autists and is not necessarily a result of a poor upbringing. The behaviors can be discouraged and modified with a proper sensory profile and plan.

Best wishes!

Answer 6

All you can hope to ask for at the IEP is for the best for your son. If your son is autistic it is unlikely he is picking up all these behaviours from his father as a lot of the time children with autism tend to be in their own worlds. I don't know your situation but if his father is such a bad influence on him you should try and make people aware of this. Autism is a difficult condition to cope with in a normal situation and your son seems to be not coping. You should try and make the authorities aware of this. My own autistic child lives in a very stable household but will still constantly try and distract people and make loud noises and do inappropriate things. That is the nature of autism. All you can do is what is best for your son and make every one aware of how you feel. Good luck.