IRB give referee new identity - Can you write something funnier (10 pts for the winner)?

Question

(Reuters) France – Following the fiasco and uproar from Saturday’s nights New Zealand versus France semi final and the subsequent death threats from most of New Zealand, the IRB have decided to give referee Wayne Barnes a new identity.

Barnes, who has retreated to his recently acquired French villa with long time lover Sebastian Chabal welcomed the opportunity for a name change and a chance at anonymity.

“Its been h**l for me since Saturday” the cross-eyed be-spectacled Barnes said. “Everybody has been teasing me about my eye sight problem and some nasty people from New Zealand even wrote some horrible things about me on the internet” sobbed Barnes while being caressed by his boyfriend Chabal.

After being given a number of possible new names, Barnes decided to go with the new name Wayne Kerr. “After all” Barnes said, “Since Saturday everyone has been calling me a wan ker and probably will for the rest of my life, so Wayne Kerr was a natural choice of name for me”

Answer 1

for mr barnes himself

Tickets for his family to the game $100

Golden rolex given to him by french coach $10,000

Brand new french villa acquired aafter the game $800000

Being able to have ana/l s*x with laporte nd iibanez in the showers after the game priceless!!

Answer 2

--Barnes wanted dead or alive--

The sports minister in co-ilition with new zealand police has offered a reward of NZ$10m for barnes dead or alive, after barnes herd the news from his secret lover (last name Ibanez,captain of a particular sporting team), he decided being the wanker he is to fly over to new zealand and claim the money himself, he thought he wasn't finished taking away things from new zealand.

he walked in to a south auckland police station and denounced his presence 2mins later the ambulance was called and a mistake was made....... they made another call momemts later to cancel the ambulance and the people in the station dragged the body of wayne barnes and claimed the reward. and finally the country of new zealand broke into a 24 hour party over their vengence of the only person thats ever caused so much dissapointment in new zealand history.