If Adoptees who Feel Loss are Whiners?

Question

What are the people who moan and whine about adoption waiting lists that are sooooooo long and the $$$$$? what about the whining and moaning about the cost of adoption?

I think its the kids in the system awaiting adoption (thousands of them) who should be whining and moaning about people ignoring the fact that they need a home and people choose instead to sit and wait for the perfect infant of their dreams whilst whining and moaning

It's painful to lose your mother, your entire family, your entire heritage and have it sealed away for ever. It's not whining. It's a painful fact, to some at least, who feel it

Why so dismissive of adoptees by people who purport to care about adoptees?

Answer 1

The funny thing here is that AP's and PAP's tend to view the "angry/whiny" adoptee as their enemy.  Uh...do they think their children will never grow up?  Or do they think these feelings don't really exist and you're just making it all up, and therefore THEIR kids won't be asking the same questions?  Do they view THEIR child as the enemy?

Shouldn't we be on YOUR side?

ETA:  Well, hey there, Lillie, wanna exchange phone numbers and see what kind of trouble we can make?  JK!!!  :-D

ETA2:  Kristy, your son HAS special needs.  HE'S ADOPTED!!!  Do you not hear what these people are saying???

Answer 2

To answer your question, I think I must ask another one:

Why should adoptive parents adopt children they feel unable to care for or unconnected to?  

Personallly, as a single adoptive parent, I would not adopt a child with special needs because I don't think I can handle it right now.  Yep, there's no guarantee that any child will grow up and be totally healthy, anyway.  But, why woud you want to force an adoptive parent to adopt a child that they couldn't handle?  Is that an attempt to set up the child and adoptive parents for failure just to try to prove your point?  How sick is that?

------

I don't agree with you Gaia...  but thanks for the opinion.

Answer 3

High five, Gaia!

Answer 4

Probably because it's easier to whine and snivel. Hoping that someone else will fix whatever they consider is the problem. Then getting up and fixing it themselves.

As for the ones that sit around and wait for that perfect babe to come up for adoption. How much easier would it be to truly have the child grow up never knowing that he/she was adopted, then if said child had never really known birth parents.

Here's a question. Does the fact that Angela and Brad adopting outside of the U.S. help or hinder the adoption of American children?

Answer 5

I don't think that as adoptee to feel some loss to your biological family (which some adoptees never know if they were adopted as a baby from the hospital for example) is wrong , BUT, and I don't want this to be taken wrong- to put other's down because they don't feel that way or because they adopted and are told "you stole me from my family" IS a problem. I'm not saying you did that, but some do.

I think that it would be normal for someone who is adopted to wonder about their biological roots. Why they were placed for adoption. Who their parents and family members were biologically.  I was never adopted, but there are many people in my family that were dead before I was born or when I was young that I don't remember. I sometimes wonder about them, who they were, what they were like, what traits were inherited from them.  I don't see why an adoptee wouldn't have those feelings, and more intensely at times about their roots as well.

As for sealed court records and closed adoptions, I agree, they are not always ideal.  I think they serve their purpose for an adoptee who would be in danger otherwise from someone biologically in their family who would seek them to harm due to drugs or criminal activity in the family, BUT, I don't think they should be an end all cure all either for every situation.  My sons records are regrettably sealed by the court and his adoption was done as closed. It was not our choosing to do so as adoptive parents, but it is what the biological family and his first mother wanted.  I struggle in my mind as an adoptive mom how I will explain that when the time comes to my son.  My husband and I would have been thrilled to exchange photos, calls and even do some visits for dinner or an occassional outting somewhere with our son's first mother during his life and growing up. We offered and even helped her get some adoption counselling before she signed her papework because we wanted her to be 100% sure in her mind it was what she wanted to do.  She was kind enough to provide us with information we could use to contact her family if a medical need ever came up and other vital information we would need before doing so.  

I know my son has her nose, her skin tone and her eyes. I see his first mother in his sweet face every day and it makes me ache for him that he may not ever get a chance to meet her because of sealed records and a choice she made at the start of his life in the adoption process.  

I wouldn't call it whining to want to know those things either. It becomes bitterness and whining though to AP's who have to listen to the rants of those who blame the AP's or adoption in general as being "home wreckers" and then who attack the adoptive family for daring to adopt at all or to even have a family.  That is what get's everyone upset. Wanting to know and wanting to search and running into those walls in the system is not a crime and it's understandable.  I wish the system could be different to help ease the process for those that wish to search and to know, unfortunately, it isn't. I don't know what the answer is to change that.

Answer 6

Gaia I have a crush on you.

lol.

Answer 7

JC STOLE MY WARRIORS HELMET!!! JC STOLE MY HELMET!!! I KNEW IT WAS HIM I WANT IT BACK!! DAMMIT GIVE IT BACK!!!! THEIF!!!

Answer 8

We are all whiners if you ask me.

Answer 9

could not have said it better