W/O boring u to death. A few years ago, I met a military man on, go figure, Yahoo! personals. From the moment I read his profile, I knew I was going to fall, and I did. We met 9/05, and face to face, 11/05. We had a ball! We hung out often, stayed in hotels eating junk food and watching movies (neither of us had our own place at the time), of course we made love, but that was just a bonus. He was coming out of a failed relationship where he’d been cheated on, so we took things very slowly, and I was very careful to reveal my feelings at a "slow and steady wins the race" pace. My “I love you†was greeted with an “I love you tooâ€Â. I still took things slow and applied no pressure. At the end of the summer in 06, he began hanging out with his ex-fiancée/daughter's mom, I didn't know, and although he became a lil distant we were still cool. Then he fell off the map, and I began dating a friend of a friend, so out of site out of mind, kind of, lol. I became pregnant 11/2006, and by this time he and his ex were a couple and she'd moved in with him. He would go back and forth stating that he loves her and deals with her attitude because no other man will; whatever. I love this man like I have NEVER loved another man in my life. Granted I'm only 25, but it is what it is. I can explain it like this, our love is a garden that I tend with the utmost care, precision and pride, and I landscape it with unconditional love, unheard of patience and limitless affection, it sounds corny, but that's how I feel. He has told me on numerous occasions that I'm perfect for him, and he loves me, but doesn't want to be in a relationship that works, he wants that soul mate love, and he feels it's with her. Could he be wrong? Is it possible to be completely in love with someone who doesn't feel that for you? I couldn't fabricate these feelings if I tried, I can so easily express my love for him and I'd shout it from the mountain tops, but he's determined to make it work with her. OMG he just sent me an IM! I feel like were it nor for their daughter he wouldn't have tried to make it work. He spends a lot of time catering to her insecurities revolving around her cheating on him, since she is so deeply concerned with him being faithful that she's almost paranoid. He won't store my number in his phone, I can't text him, and after the time she's getting off from work, I don't hear from him anymore. My son's father and I are living together, and still maintaining a relationship. I love him, but I'm not in love with him. I wonder if in time, since we conceived our son 5 months after we began dating, could it work? If I wasn't looking for what I have with a soldier in him, would I be satisfied. July was 2 years, and it's been a lil rough, but we made it through. I can so vividly see me graying on growing happily old with a soldier. I can't say the same for my current boyfriend. I pray to God, literally, that this man will return my affections, but what if he doesn't? How do I move on? In a way, I know I'm just waiting for my current boyfriend and I to part ways, because although he's freaking awesome, he's a great dad and would do anything for me, in my soul, I know he's not the one, and I stay because it works right now, and we're a family, and I feel like my son deserves that, I know, now I sound like a hypocrite. To make matters worse, yesterday during my lunch break, we met and we made love. And, although it'd been almost 2 years since the last time, it picked up right were we left off, he felt the same, he smelled the same and I just dug myself into a deeper hole. When I let him in, I’m able to express another level of love and affection toward him. I'm writing this with tears because it's not fair, it's totally unfair to the 6 of us, he and I, his wife, oh yeah they got married last May, and both of our children. People, what am I to do? Please be honest with me and understand my feelings Thank you.
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