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If I'm patient, could he be mine?

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W/O boring u to death. A few years ago, I met a military man on, go figure, Yahoo! personals. From the moment I read his profile, I knew I was going to fall, and I did. We met 9/05, and face to face, 11/05. We had a ball! We hung out often, stayed in hotels eating junk food and watching movies (neither of us had our own place at the time), of course we made love, but that was just a bonus. He was coming out of a failed relationship where he’d been cheated on, so we took things very slowly, and I was very careful to reveal my feelings at a "slow and steady wins the race" pace. My “I love you” was greeted with an “I love you too”. I still took things slow and applied no pressure. At the end of the summer in 06, he began hanging out with his ex-fiancée/daughter's mom, I didn't know, and although he became a lil distant we were still cool. Then he fell off the map, and I began dating a friend of a friend, so out of site out of mind, kind of, lol. I became pregnant 11/2006, and by this time he and his ex were a couple and she'd moved in with him. He would go back and forth stating that he loves her and deals with her attitude because no other man will; whatever. I love this man like I have NEVER loved another man in my life. Granted I'm only 25, but it is what it is. I can explain it like this, our love is a garden that I tend with the utmost care, precision and pride, and I landscape it with unconditional love, unheard of patience and limitless affection, it sounds corny, but that's how I feel. He has told me on numerous occasions that I'm perfect for him, and he loves me, but doesn't want to be in a relationship that works, he wants that soul mate love, and he feels it's with her. Could he be wrong? Is it possible to be completely in love with someone who doesn't feel that for you? I couldn't fabricate these feelings if I tried, I can so easily express my love for him and I'd shout it from the mountain tops, but he's determined to make it work with her. OMG he just sent me an IM! I feel like were it nor for their daughter he wouldn't have tried to make it work. He spends a lot of time catering to her insecurities revolving around her cheating on him, since she is so deeply concerned with him being faithful that she's almost paranoid. He won't store my number in his phone, I can't text him, and after the time she's getting off from work, I don't hear from him anymore. My son's father and I are living together, and still maintaining a relationship. I love him, but I'm not in love with him. I wonder if in time, since we conceived our son 5 months after we began dating, could it work? If I wasn't looking for what I have with a soldier in him, would I be satisfied. July was 2 years, and it's been a lil rough, but we made it through. I can so vividly see me graying on growing happily old with a soldier. I can't say the same for my current boyfriend. I pray to God, literally, that this man will return my affections, but what if he doesn't? How do I move on? In a way, I know I'm just waiting for my current boyfriend and I to part ways, because although he's freaking awesome, he's a great dad and would do anything for me, in my soul, I know he's not the one, and I stay because it works right now, and we're a family, and I feel like my son deserves that, I know, now I sound like a hypocrite. To make matters worse, yesterday during my lunch break, we met and we made love. And, although it'd been almost 2 years since the last time, it picked up right were we left off, he felt the same, he smelled the same and I just dug myself into a deeper hole. When I let him in, I’m able to express another level of love and affection toward him. I'm writing this with tears because it's not fair, it's totally unfair to the 6 of us, he and I, his wife, oh yeah they got married last May, and both of our children. People, what am I to do? Please be honest with me and understand my feelings Thank you.

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  1. first your story is touching and I don't think you are anything mentioned in your story you should break up with you current boyfriend ease your pain and let the soilder decide if he loves you or not and let him come to you but if he does (Im not saying if he will or not) not come back don't fell sad just send him letter telling him you and your son miss him and that you want to be a couple again but don't be afraid of rejection because if he does reject just start off with a new begnning with another man.


  2. WOW, you have quite a story.  I have never felt love like you describe.  I can see how it is so very stressful for you.  Like the song "torn between two lovers".  I feel for you.  

    I am afraid that things will never be as you want them with mr. soldier.  He doesn't sound like he is as mature and loving as you are.  Maturity comes by growing through pain and living with your decisions.  From what you say, you can learn to be in love with the man you are with.  

    Even if that doesn't work, the chemistry and high from love doesn't last as long as the comfortable togetherness which takes work and dedication by two people.  I think you should make the man you're with the center and close the door on a beautiful time of your life that has passed.

  3. if yu dont  love yur boyfriend then it is time to go. but do not stop being friends.dont let im stop being a father either. tell the soldier that he cant do wat he is doin anymore. tell him exactly how you feel about him. and he has to choose. cheating isnt right. yu got to fix things right.

    wat does yur heart tell  you?

  4. Do what your heart tells you..

    But i advise to move on. How?..I'm not sure. time..will heal you.

    But right now your being the "other woman" in this man's life.

    Noone likes the other woman.

    Get out of the situation your in && find someonewho really cares for you...maybe your "current bf"

    Best of Luck.

    ♥

    ps..I have problems with my bf and other women..girls..i mean. && asking questions on yahoo answers gets me nowhere.

    no matter what we tell you on here..

    your going to do what you want and please.

    sorry but its the truth..

    I know ive posted questions and peoples answers have gotten me nowhere..

    We women and just indenial. && We will not listen to other people..especially "strangers"

    wanna talk?

    blalock.n@gmail.com

  5. Hiya sweety, i realy feel for you in your situation , the depth with which you describe your touch for this love has really touched me, i think mayeb if you pray then you CAN get with your lover again, howevr you are being unjust to so many people, so therefore i suggest you move on and start to feel for your husband, you have had a child with him, it is unfair to do this, also does your ex (your lover) feel the same for you as you do for him? clarify this and IF he does then go back with him, however if he doesnt then its no point hovering around him therefore i suggest you look at your present your a mum and a wife, a responsible person, take responsobility and place a stone over your heart and TRY to love your husband .

    sorry if i sound harsh sweetheart, that came from my heart,, sorry if it isnt what you were looking for.

    best of luck with everything, il prayy for you .. mwa xxxxx

  6. If you were truly in love with the soldier, you wouldn't have a child with and living with another man. It sounds to me like you need to let the wonderful man you have go, so he can find someone that will respect him and be faithful to him.

    Your soldier friend can't be all that if he left you and then married his ex. Now you say he is having s*x with you? He's already dumped you once, now you are allowing yourself to be used and confused.

    I'm sorry if I am coming off wrong here, but it seems to me the best one out of the whole bunch is the one you want to dump. Do him a favor.

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