If I found someone and they don't know it yet, what should I do?

Question

There is a couple where I worked before all this happened, and I was told that they want to adopt. They are great people and I know they will be great parents. They don't know about my situation yet, but I'm debating what to do and how to do it.

Should I call an agency and tell them who I want and start there?

Can I wait until I have the baby (it'll be in the hospital where they work) and let them figure it out if they want to do it? Just in case I'm not for sure.

Or do I tell them now, just in case they find another baby and won't want mine?

I say a question the other day where someone got their baby back because the family didn't want it anymore and I was told that if I used an agency, that the beby would go to the next person waiting without my consent. Is that true?

Answer 1

anways who in the h**l this adoptive parents think they are they think a stork gonna come land their way to give them a baby yah right its people like you want to give the baby away that they best a know that you are in this 9 month pregnant and plus labor well i think some have some nerve like a stork just came down their front door and left

Answer 2

For starters, PLEASE disregard what most everyone else has said on here.  Adoption is surrounded by myths and half-truths and most people in the general populace don't know anything about modern day adoption.  If you are even considering adoption, contact an adoption lawyer.  The website adoptivefamilies.com has a tool you can use to find lawyers who specialize in adoption in your area.  Even if you already know the couple who you would like to parent your child, both parties need to have their own lawyers.  All legal costs in an adoption are paid by the adoptive family - you will not be responsible for paying anything, even if you decide to parent your child.

Now for those telling you to wait until the baby is born, forget that.  Of course you are unsure of what you want to do, this is a huge decision.  That is way all of the states have laws protecting the birth mother from having to sign any final documents until after the birth of the child.  That means you will have plenty of opportunities to change your mind - usually up to six or twelve months after the birth of the child before the adoption is finalized.  You can change your mind and keep the baby any time up to finalization.

Most domestic adoptions these days are what is called open adoptions.  That means that you will have a varying degree of contact with the adoptive family.  That contact can range from yearly letters & photos, to monthly visits with the child.  That is something that is worked out with the help of the two lawyers.  It is written into the adoption paperwork and it is legally binding.  The same is true of what you want to happen if the adoption were to disrupt.  Generally, if an adoptive family chooses to disrupt an adoption (this is very rare) it is their responsibility to find the child another adoptive family.  However, if this is something you are concerned about, I am sure it can be address in your legal documents.

If you are even considering an adoption, then contact a lawyer.  Any good adoption lawyer will be able to put you contact with a therapist and other professionals who can help you make the best decisions for yourself and your child; whether that decision is to parent the child yourself or to seek and adoptive placement.  You have nothing to lose by talking to the lawyer.

As a final note, it is heart-breaking for adoptive families to lose referrals; BUT all families pursuing adoption are aware of that risk.  It something that as an adoptive parent, we are willing to accept to ensure that we are parenting a child whose bio mother was sure about her decision.  No adoptive parents want to take or steal a baby...they, just like you, want what is best for the child.  That decision must be made by the bio mother.

For more information about current adoption trends, about other's experiences with adoption, and about how adoptive children are faring in general, you can go to the website referenced below.

Answer 3

Maybe you could ask them what agency they are using and/or view their website or family page.

Good Luck! Please, think long and hard about this and if you are positive that this is what you want...follow your heart! <3