If I was her bridesmaid, does she have to be mine?

Question

I have a close friend who had me in her wedding a couple of years ago. But now, it seems like we're not that close anymore, and although I once promised that of course she'd be in my wedding if I ever get married, now, I just can't imagine a place for her. The fact of the matter is that I have friends who I feel a lot closer to than her now.

Mind you, I'm not getting married, not anytime soon, but I've just been thinking about this lately. If I was in her wedding a couple of years ago, am I obligated to have her in mine? Am I a jerk if I don't?

Answer 1

No, you won't be a jerk.  People grow apart.  She'll understand.

Answer 2

If that were true I wold have to have a wedding party of over 10 bridesmaids.  My God, my best friend's would have had 20!  Anyway, no, you are not obligated to have her, just because you were in hers.  It may be a touchy thing, but most people understand that everybody has different obligations.

Answer 3

No, you chose who you want and feel close to. My friend is having me in her wedding next June but I am not having her in my wedding this Oct. Most of that reason is because of the expenses but you are not obligated to put her in your wedding!

Answer 4

If you don't want her in your wedding party, you most certainly don't have to have her. Especially if the only reason she's in it is because you were in hers.

I'm looking at a similar situation when I get married. I always told the girl who introduced me and my boyfriend that she would be one of my bridesmaids when we got married. However, when she got married, she threw all kinds of responsibilities on me (I wasn't even in the wedding party!) and she's becoming more and more like her moron husband which is really just annoying. I'm really hoping that when my boyfriend and I finally tie the knot that she won't bring up that I once wanted her to be a bridesmaid because I simply don't like hanging out with her anymore.  

Answer 5

No, you are not a jerk. Relationships change, people change. You cannot be held to a "someday" conversation that you had a couple of years ago.

Reciprocity only extends to common courtesies and social invitations like dinner parties or lunches. It does not extend to deeply personal events like your wedding.

When the time comes, ask those who are closest to you at that time.

Hope this helps!

Answer 6

Of course not.  You choose who you want to have in your wedding.

Answer 7

Not at all, she should know herself that your friendship has drifted and you are not that close any more, she may be a little hurt but in the end your bridesmaids should be the people you love and care about.  

Answer 8

There is no rule that you must offer a spot in your wedding for every person that does for you. The fact is that people absolutely do grow apart. In high school, I had 3 friends that I couldnt IMAGINE to not be in my wedding. Now I'm 22, and I only asked 1 of the 3 to be in my wedding because the friendship with the other two just didnt hold together. There is no need to explain to her why you didnt ask her to be a bridesmaid. Invite her, and if she brings it up, be honest. It takes 2 to keep a friendship going, and Im sure she is as well aware as you are that things may not be quite the same as it was at the time she got married as it is now.

Answer 9

Nope, she asked you to be in her wedding but it doesn't automatically give her a ticket to be in yours!

Answer 10

no definitely not. you should pick whomever you feel closest to now, it doesn't matter who's weddings you were in in the past. i have been in weddings for friends of mine and i didn't ask them to be bridesmaids fo rmine.  

Answer 11

Alsolutely not!  Your wedding will be your special day and that means you get to choose who will be a part of it!

Answer 12

No - your wedding is YOUR special day - you pick the women who are closest to you who have supported your relationship the most. It's up to you and anybody who feels slighted by your choices for bridesmaids ought to go suck on lemons!

Answer 13

Things change- including friendships.  Just because you we're in her wedding does not mean she has to be in yours.  A promise like that could be similar to a promise you make a childhood friend to "best friends forever"...it's nice and you may have meant it at the time, but it's hardly a contractual obligation.  Your wedding should be exactly what you want with the wedding party you want. All of that said, since you're not currently engaged, don't even worry about it for now.

Answer 14

If you are not so close anymore from your friend, she should understand the choice of bridesmaid. Who knows, maybe she would be surprised now to be a bridesmaid if you'd invite her because you're not as close.

Plus, who knows where/when the wedding is going to happen.

Don't worry, be happy! :)