If I were to ever find my Biological Parents, what should I ask them?

Question

I was adopted in 1984, and have two bio brothers that were adopted by the same people. They both have kids and I'm getting married next April and I want to have kids. But I'm also curious about my birth parents and would like to know my biological history so I know what I'm passing down. My parents now are ok with me looking and want to help. What do you say when you meed your bio parents and you really don't want to be a part of their lives? What if you just want to know your history?

Answer 1

just ask them the reason to leave you behind and if you don't want to be a part of their lifes,you are right,stay where you are happy,and thats it,good luck.

Answer 2

Well... I am adopted to and have no interest in finding my biological parents. The only thing I would ask is medical history and heritage questions but my adopted mom had asked them to right that all down and they wouldnt. I dont think your biological parents will want to be a part of your life if they put you up for adoption in the first place. If you do happen to find them just ask the questions you want to know and dont get to personal. If you dont want to be a part of their lives then I just wouldnt bother looking.

Answer 3

hmmmm, tough question, i'm also adopted^^!**!

I know i'm only 15, but i've never been crazy about finding my biological parents. Of course i'd like to know if i'm really chinese or not.

Maybe your biological parents set you up for an adoption was because they couldn't raise you up properly and fullfilling all your material needs.

I think i'd start with something like "how's life!", "where have you been", "did you miss me?" "i'd like to introduce you to my adoptive parents." etc.

Answer 4

My dad was adopted and chose to find his family(same thing happened with my bro-in-law)---choose the least detached way of getthing their information. Both my dad and bro-in-law had families that were so excited to meet them and be a part of their lives. I would say have a lawyer or some sort of mediator contact your bio parents if you have no interest in letting them into your life.Best of luck!

Answer 5

Personally, I think you are on a fool's errand. I would NEVER want to contact my birth parents for any reason other than a medical emergency. Just my opinion though!

Answer 6

If and when you find them, you can simply have your parents ask, on your behalf, about their medical history.  They may or may not be willing to offer that information.  You could just write them a letter and tell them exactly what you just told us.  Just let them know that, at this point and time, you have no desire to have a relationship with them.  Its not gonna be the easiest time in your life, but if it needs to be done for medical reasons, then go for it.

Answer 7

I think you can just as easily go to a geneticist and take a test, and they will be able to tell you if you have any faulty DNA. I was adopted too (my parents died in a terrorist attack) and I think it would be strange for you to just visit them and ask about your history, and then go, "Alright! Have a nice life!"

Seriously, you should explore your other options before opening up that can of worms.

Answer 8

Ask what ever you want, but don't expect to get the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

There is a good list of Things Adopted Kids Want to Know on www.bastardnation.com .  That might be a good place to at least begin.

Answer 9

I would start by contacting the agency through which you were adopted and trying to get a complete medical history from them. In the 1980s, they were just learning how important medical history was, so you may wind up with something or you may wind up with nothing.

If the agency doesn't have anything, ask them what system they have in place for acquiring the information. It's possible that they can send a form to the biological parent(s) to fill out, maintaining the complete anonymity of your closed adoption. If they don't have a formal system, it's possible that they will forward a letter written by you or your lawyer that asks for the information, and you can hope that they will provide it without any trouble.

I think if you make it clear that you are only interested in medical history and not names/relationships, it should be okay to just do it all by post. It would be wrong to meet up with the people just to get your medical information without offering anything in return. Remember, they might have some strong feelings about you and your siblings, and it's important that you show respect for that.

Answer 10

I think you have every right to want to know your medical history and heritage, with no strings attached.  I have a feeling that you won't have to blurt that out, though.  I think it is only natural at the time you meet, to just "get acquanted" and ask all the questions you want to ask.  In my opinion, that's your right.  Then, just let things happen as they happen.  You can always call the shots. You may not have had any choices when you were adopted, but you do have choices now.  Exercise your right to choose how much of a relationship you want to have.  I'm not an adoptee, myself, but I have 2 adopted children.  My adopted daughter is thinking a lot about her first parents right now.  When the time comes that she is ready to meet them, or talk to them on the phone, I would hope that she would feel that she can call the shots.  I think it gives you a sense of empowerment to finally have control over some part of your life.  In the past someone else decided everything for you, as far as your custody, etc... Now you get to choose!  Yea!

Answer 11

Be honest.... If you want a relationship with them then let them know that up front, if you don't and you are just wanting to get the basics, for medical and family history... Be Honest. The worst they can say is no.

I would also tell you to be prepared to be rejected though, just in case they didn't/don't want to be found.

Good luck!

Answer 12

Explain that you are getting married, plan to have kids and you would like to have an extensive medical and ancestry update. Expect no more than information but don't deny yourself a relationship if one unfolds. It is your choice whether to have or not have a relationship. If they assume your coming back into their lives tell them that you need to take it slow. Whatever your reasons are for not wanting a relationship with them, try to remain flexable just in case once you do meet them you change your mind. Stranger things have happened. You might find a peace inside that you didn't expect to feel.

Answer 13

for it to be less awkward i might suggest emailing an IM ing at first. less personal & you get the details you need without either party getting attached. (maybe) keep an open mind & i really wish you good luck. I too have someone i might like to find