If Your Needs And My Needs Are In Conflict...Is It Every Wo/Man For Himself?

Question

What are some alternative options...

Answer 1

Yes, but our needs can change.

Answer 2

Relationships are also important.  So you try to compromise to preserve the relationship.  Maybe what you really want is 10 but you can live with 5.  I think it's rare that two people need the exact same thing, can't wait to get that need filled, can't sacrifice with less, can't find an alternative way to get the need met, can't find more around, so it has to be a fight to the death.  I think more often it's about power struggle, "You can't tell me no."  "Why should you get that when I can't?"

Or it's about people not realizing how important relationships are in their lives.  They fancy that having a nicer car, or a beautiful house, or more money will bring the happiness they desire, not realizing that 90% of their happiness or sadness comes from how well they're getting along with the people in their lives.  So they take things without consideration for others.  And then watch their relationships slowly deteriorate.  And then wonder why the fancy car didn't make them feel the way they wanted to feel.  At that point they can either accept that a nicer car is not really what they need or they can contiue the fantasy by convincing themselves that a Bentley is what they really need, when they already have a Lexus, and continue grabbing and fighting for more.

Answer 3

...compromise

...or move somewhere that meets your needs

Answer 4

how serious is the relationship. counseling, role playng-step back and talk about what the interfernce might be

Answer 5

What you think you need is really what you need to give.

We always get everything we need.There is only scarcity in the human, egotistical mind.

Answer 6

One alternative would be compromise. Conflicting needs don't necessarily hinder the ability to cooperate. Rats, too many "c" words.

Answer 7

Depends on what you mean by "need".  We both need shelter.  Do we both need the exact same shelter on the exact same spot of dirt?  There have been many occassions where "needs" of some have been willingly sacrifices for needs of others.  On a sinking ship, we all need to get into the life boat, yet there are many examples of men allowing the women and children to go first.  If we are starving together and there is but one bit of food, there are many who, rather than split the food and halve both our chances of survival, will give up the food to double the chances of the other's survival.

Answer 8

I don't see any alternative options.....

It is sad, but that's how it is.  Al least, for me.

Answer 9

If you see your self as separate from each other person that is your delusion. Who would not die if the air became solid rock? Who would not perish if the entire worlds supply of water mysteriously vanished. If you want to believe you own things that too is your delusion. For when you die what person does not die with you, what possession does not leave you, for even your body you will leave behind here to decay, but you, you will go on to the beyond. It is my fear that if you still believe you own things or that your basic needs are not met without contending with others then your needs are not basic, furthermore if you are still attached to that which you claim to own when you die your death will be a horrible futile effort to hang onto your life which you seem to also believe can be owned.

The life of others, the life of the self, does not belong to others and does not belong to self, we are not here to own things but to enjoy them in a moderate manner.

Answer 10

Perhaps there is a difference between that which each truly needs and that which some may want....desire then creates the ensuing suffering and disharmony.

Perhaps each can work cooperatively with all others so as to be of mutual benefit to all.

Be well.

Answer 11

It just depends on the people involved.