If a child takes the dad's surname, is it only fair to have the mom's family's name somewhere, too?

Question

I got into a huge argument with my husband a few nights ago about this. We were talking about having another child, and I said that I wanted to give our future child a family name from my side. My husband said it wasn't fair because we named our daughter after my grandmother, and we should have a child named after someone in his family to be fair. I said, "Well, we name ALL our children after your family because they have your family's last name."

He said it didn't count that they get his last name. That was the part that angered me the most, that he takes it for granted that his last name is getting passed down.

What is your take?

Answer 1

I can see both sides. You want to use your families names because you want to imprint your family and your heritage into your child. They don't have the same last name as you were both with, so you want half of their name to be from you. Your husband has no choice about what his last name is. No matter how many children you have, they will have the same last name, which he had no choice in picking. He wants to give his child a name that means something to him- maybe a way to honor a favorite family member. He says the last name dosen't count not because he takes it for granted that his children will have his last name, but because it wasn't something he got to choose.

Is there anyone in the family that has the same name? Maybe if you both had an "Aunt Joan", it would help you settle on a name. If not, how about someone that meant something to both of you? An old friend from college, a favorite musician or artist, author.. something you both can relate to. If you can't find common ground, I'd say back off and let your husband choose this one. You get to pick the middle name. Maybe you can find something that can can use both names, like Maryann, or something that can be used as initials like Andrew James becoming "AJ". Good luck, and try to see your husbands side of it too!

Answer 2

I'm siding with you on this one. Since the kids are getting your husband's last name, you should be able to pick the kids' 1st names. Have him pick the middle name. When my next door neighbor got married, she and the kids got his last name. But their rule was she picked the 1st and middle names.

Plus, you're the one carrying the child for 9 months and painfully giving birth, not him.  

Answer 3

I think that you should do what's right and if its a big deal. Agree on something you both like.