If a couple is not infertile, should they be adopting?

Question

I wouldnt want to give my baby to a couple that could have their own. I would be suspicious of their motives, I wouldnt want the baby to feel like the recipiant of charity.

Answer 1

I think adoption is great and I wish more people would do it.   I heard on the news today that in California alone there are 85,000 children in foster care.  Can you imagine what a difference it would make to a child to have a permanent loving family to call their own?

I'm pregnant..but I would love to adopt too.. My husband doesn't like the idea. I guess it's a personal decision..but if you are thinking of adopting...and it's the right choice for you..consider adopting a child that is harder to place..an older child or perhaps a special needs child.  

I had the opportunity to work with some children in foster care that were harder to place...either they had special needs, were older, or they needed to be placed in the same family as their siblings...and it completely opened my eyes to the need that's out there and the great kids that are available.

Answer 2

I'm not infertile. There is no way I would've adopted a baby.  In choosing to adopt rather than have children naturally, the idea was to provide a home to a child who needed one. Since people seem to be  lined up to adopt an infant I didn't think of those children as needing a home.  

The whole thing about the child feeling like a recipient of charity is tricky.  If I was infertile and adopted then our child might feel like a "replacement" or second choice.  If I'm fertile and adopt, then it's called charity.  

The way I look at it every child is *entitled* to a loving, secure home. Sometimes that can't be with the family they are born to.  Still, they're only getting what they're at a minimum entitled to. There's no reason to be grateful for being given what you're entitled to anyway.  

Answer 3

YES!  Adoption helps children who need loving families find them, and brings loving children to families who need them.  It is a win-win for everyone.

Answer 4

Absolutely they should adopt!  The chance to give an unwanted child a great life is something very special.  I applaud you for choosing to be so self-less.  

Answer 5

I think anyone with a strong enough desire to add to their family and a love of children should be able to adopt if they wish.  My wife and I  thought we could have children but we chose to adopt internationally first.  We were then blessed with a daughter who was born to us before we found out that it was one of life's miracles and that we should not have been able to have her.  We waited 13 more years before adopting again and we are waiting for a call for our third adoption.  We'll stop at 4 children but by your argument there would be at least 3 more children in the world without homes.  Hardly a sound stance IMHO.

Answer 6

How is adopting when you can have one charity?  We have a daughter and long before trying to have a child we wanted to adopt.  We feel there are childern who need homes and we can love them.  I love my adopted so every bit as our daughter.  

Answer 7

Adoption is about what the child needs, not what the adults want.  I question the couple's motives if they're infertile and think that someone else's baby is going to be the cure-all for their problems.  I think the child's needs should come before ALL the adults' needs and wants.  That means that the child should be with whatever parents will be best for them, whether that means being with the natural mother or father, or with fertile adoptive parents, or with foster parents or guardians, or whatever the case may be.  What's best for the child has nothing to do with some stranger's fertility issues.

ETA:  To Shadylady, of COURSE PAP's want children.  Duh.  Why else would they be adopting?  What I'm saying is that it's not a child's responsibility to fulfill some strangers' desires.  If adults can't deal with their own losses, and understand that giving a child the job of fulfilling their desires is unhealthy for them AND the child, then they have no business being parents, ESPECIALLY via adoption.  Children need to focus on being children, not making everyone around them happy.  As an adult, I choose to fulfill myself, and find ways to meet my own needs.  My future children aren't going to have to shoulder that burden.

Answer 8

I think adoption is wonderful and gives so many babies a chance of having a good life.

Answer 9

yes... have u tried the fertility shot? where they put more horomes in u? maybe u should try seragood mothering < sorry if i spelled it wrong... but have someone have ur baby,,,

Answer 10

What does it matter. Children need loving parents even if they can or do have children of there own. My husband and I want to adopted in a few years and we have 2 children of our own. And which ever child we adopt will be our child just the same. I am adopted and I would say anyone that can and wants to adopted that will love and cherish the child should.

Answer 11

Uh, YEAH!

The world is already overpopulated.

If they have no STRONG urge to have children of their own, ALL couples should adopt.

Answer 12

what do you mean? why wouldnt they have kids on their own? i understand its pretty hard to adopt in certain places, i would try everything to have my own (i am). i am not against adopting, but i would leave to the ppl who cant have their own.

Answer 13

That's an interesting POV.

I wouldn't want to give my baby to a couple who wanted a biological child and was only taking mine because they couldn't have one!

Now, I think that most couples are well beyond that stage when they choose adoption and move through the first few steps but it would be my greatest concern.

We chose to adopt. To us, it's the best way to make a family.

Personally, I would like to see far more people choose adoption as their FIRST choice.

Answer 14

As long as they are going to be caring, responsible parents I see no harm. Many people who can have children choose to adopt and give a child a loving secure home instead of bringing another child into this world.

Answer 15

I don't think fertility has any bearing on whether a person should adopt from foster care. These children are in need of permanent homes, and there's no logical reason that providing that home would be dependent on whether someone is able to reproduce. Limiting it to infertile people would not only drastically cut down the pool of potential homes when there are too few as it is, but has no practical benefit for the children or the parents. If someone wants to provide a home to a waiting foster child and feels they are able to, they should do so.

With private infant adoption, I'm not going to say never, but I honestly generally don't see the motivation. I'd be a little concerned about the situation.

If they think that they're adopting a child otherwise doomed to be unwanted and homeless, they not only haven't done much reading, but aren't being logical about what it means that they personally are on a waiting list for months or years. Even if the biological mother genuinely can't parent, someone else is dying to adopt that baby. If they think they're doing this to benefit an at-risk child, they aren't being very realistic about infant adoption.

If it's something like them not wanting to go through the pain of labour, not wanting to interrupt a career for pregnancy, fear of not looking good after pregnancy... I think their priorities are really skewed, and they need to get them in line before becoming parents. Having another woman carry a child for you because you're scared to or don't feel like it reeks of exploitation.

That said, I can think of reasons that are actually good that a couple might choose not to reproduce even if they could. There might be a medical reason that pregnancy, while physically possible, would be dangerous to the mother's health. There might be genetic physical or mental illnesses that the parents choose not to pass on. The person might be single and not want to leave the child with the blanks about their genetics and heritage that would come from a casual fling or an anonymous donor. On the flip side, the biological mother may not be able to parent but want her child to be raised by someone she knows and trusts, and she might pick adoptive parents who were fertile.

I'm sure there are other potential valid reasons someone fertile would choose domestic infant adoption. So I'm not going to say they should NEVER do it. I just think their motivations matter, and I'm not going to say it's across the board good, either.

I wish anyone considering adoption would at least look into foster care adoption. I know some people want infants and newborns, and while I can't relate to that desire personally, I respect it. I just also think it's important for children in foster care to find permanent homes, and these children shouldn't be overlooked by default with no consideration given to them.

Answer 16

if they can be good parents and their intention is not "charity". I would say "yes". There desire to love a child irrespective of the circumstances .

In my experience i have seen most fertile people say " There are so many unwanted children out there in the world....i would like to adopt one in the future and give them a good home" Some how thats reads as i would like to do "charity".

There are a few members here who believe "Adoption is about what the child needs, not what the adults want. They question the couple's motives if they're infertile and accuse them of thinking that someone else's baby is going to be the cure-all for their problems".

I just don't see this most selfless saint that will show interest in adopting because they have a strangers child's best interest in their heart. Sorry , but i don't believe such people exist.

A PAP will be a couple with infertility with a strong desire to parent or a fertile couple with a desire to do some good/charity. But if a PAP says i have no desire and just plain interest in this child's welfare. I will not believe him/her.

I would strongly advise a PAP with infertility to stop trying to conceive, get over the grief if there is any about not having bio kids. Be sure to see they feel no grief and have come to terms with their fertility issue. Only then they are able to resolve all feelings and truly open their heart and love. Make sure they do not look at it as the second best option.