If a person is abused and beat to a pulp as a child and share that with you is it an opinion?

Question

I had explained what physically happened to me and this is what the a pro-adoption and pro-system person said.

"You seem to have a problem telling the difference between opinion and fact. You are full of opinion, you know little about fact. Go find yourself a good shrink dear and stop trying to foist your extremist c**p off onto everyone else."

Like foster care killed my sister Jen... I was lucky to survive...

If these people are adoptive parents or real parents or a social worker that scares the c**p out of me.

Answer 1

If it happened to you it is fact.  Other people have a right to have an opinion on what happened unforutnatly with opinions every one has one (but like that hole in your rear end).  There is also the issue of incidents having different sides depending on who is relating the incident - please don't be offended by that I am not calling you a liar or anything of the sort.  I suppose in someways even the most upsetting and disturbing incidents have two sides to every story.  

People also get defensive about sweeping statements I didn't read your original post and I am sure you belief that foster care killed your sister but what did the foster parents say.  There are also examples of good foster parents and they get defensive if they are pigeonholed with the few bad ones.

Responses like that are a danger in posting your personal and emotional stories on the internet.  Please don't let them uspet you.

Answer 2

No, it's their experience. Not everyone has the same experience. Not even adoptees and those who were raised in foster care. Yes, it does need to be shared or reform will not happen.

However negating those who did not have the same experience as you is just as bad as their negating your experience. All should have a voice.

Answer 3

Everyone has opinions..... some seem right to you and some seem wrong. But I too dont really like what that person said to you. Believe it or not but I have been through a simial situation as you. I was adopted when I was 8.

My biological parents abused me and neglected me so I was put into care. I was at an orphange for a year before I was fostered then adopted. Although I was lucky where I was placed I sometimes feel like I wasn't.

They tell me that my past isnt an excuse for who I am now, when I have my moments of depression they tell me to stop being pathetic and say that I shouldn't let my past rule me.

But I say the past is what had made me who I am now. I won't let it rule me, but I won't forget it, and I am getting on with my life now.

I hope you're getting on with your life, and dont worry about what other people say. It was you who went through what you did, and only you know what you feel.

Answer 4

if your stating what happened to you how is that an opinion. that person sounds utterly retarded.

Answer 5

Its fact.  Sorry that was said to you.  I respect you.  I agree keep telling your story.

(((hugs)))

Answer 6

I'm so sorry for what that person said to you.

People who were abused as kids have suffered enough without facing more abuse for sharing their story.

Keep telling your truth

Answer 7

I do not care if she is wrong or right for her opinion! If You know the truth about what happened! That is all that matters!

Forget her!

The problems with Social Workers & there opinions is when a child is trapped in this position & no one will believe them!

Then there opinion is a big problem!

It is also a double edged sword in my case! I gave my children up for adoption because I counn't protect them from there father! I can only hope that they are safe in the system!

Social Worker are a pain in the azz!

Answer 8

for some its easier to forget than harness the intimidation of a horrifying experience.

alternate ego is not easy either.

sounds like people are understaning different things than any topic they dont want .avioding the issue and trying to bypass to go forward to a brighter future.

it is easier to bend like a reed in the wind.

wish you well .

Answer 9

If you are stating what happened and how it affected you then this is fact, The only way that it can be opinion is if it is what you think and your opinion on events which didnt actually happen to you. I am so sorry that that happened to youm I had a friend who was abused in foster care and it has traumatised for life. About the only thing that this person said that you should listen to is to find yourself a good shrink. I know that there is a stigma associated with seeing these people but they can help and you may find that talking about the events and emotions attached to these horrible traumatic times in your life may help you deal with them and look at life differently. Nothing can bring your sister back but you can move on from this and live life and stick it right up the people that done this to you.

Yet again I am so sorry for what you went through.

Good Luck and all the best. x*x

Dnt listen to people who try to bring you down and water down what happened to you. They have no idea.

Answer 10

Just because it's your opinion, doesn't make it any less real. These things happened to you and your sister. That's reality. You believe that foster care killed your sister. That's your opinion and your belief.

This person doesn't have the right to lecture you on what you should or should not believe. They don't have the right to lecture you on what is fact or opinion. They haven't lived your life and walked in your shoes.

And labeling your opinions and beliefs as "extremist c**p", is not only insulting--it's hostile! This person is the one who needs a shrink, because they think it's OK to belittle someone who is being honest with them about surviving emotional/ physical abuse. A normal person would be applauding you for surviving and being a strong person.

They are trying to victimize you all over again. This person is toxic! Run--don't walk--away from them and shut them out of your life. You will be so glad you did.

Answer 11

She had really bad choice of words!  Thats really sad, but there are so many children that have found  good homes, so many peple that would do anything to have a child, and cant ,,, she jsut feels strongly about her opinion, but handled  the situation wrong yes.....i used to be someone for a wopman deciding to choose for herself in extreme situations until i had my son...you really see things differently after that.  and  im so sorry that happened to you, thats really sad, but im thinking that maybe things are more looked at, more taken care of then they used to be...ild like to hope so anyways

Answer 12

it is not an opinion, it is a fact.. the fact of YOUR experience

As long as you realize that YOUR experience isn't EVERYONE'S experience, and the fact that you had it bad doesn't mean that adoption "never works" Then you have every right to share your  EXPERIENCE, and work to fix problems in the system.. If  you can be respectful of others, and un-extreme, realizing that adoption isn't ALL bad ALWAYS, then I'd be right there beside you working to fix the problems in the system..

My aunt was a foster mother of a beautiful little girl years ago.. My aunt is not abusive. .She loved that  little girl, and it hurt when she was not allowed to adopt (Because my aunt is white and the child was a quarter black) But from what I understand, the girl  had a good life with a good adopted family.. she had  no negative experience in "the system" (at least as far as abuse goes)

So, realize that,  no matter how bad your foster family was, how bad your experience in "The system was" that it's not always like that..Believeing that it is always like that  or "all evil" or even "mostly evil".. THAT  is opinion, not fact"

If you can come to grips with this, THEN you could get somewhere with fixing the problems that do exist.. (which are numerous)

Answer 13

Bizzi - please keep telling your truth.

This stuff needs to be told.

Sadly - some prefer to bury their heads in the sand.

(far more psychologically damaging - in my books)

I'm listening.

Answer 14

What happened to you was fact what the pro-person said was opinion. And hers sucked.

However all that being said maybe she was right about the psychologist- it may help you to resolve the problems of your childhood so you can live a good life as an adult.

Many children go through horrible childhoods at the hands of parents whether natural parents or adoptive or foster parents. It is always wrong and bad for them to do what they do to kids.

Answer 15

Bizzi thank you for giving us a voice in here. (Foster-slaves)

It seems at times that no one cares, then I read this and what people are saying and it's like a small load is lifted off my shoulders.

I am part of the Foster Care Survivors Union along with Bizzi and about 200 others of us..

Answer 16

it is easier for them to pass you off as a whiner, liar, rare case, whatever. i hate to admit it, but a few months ago i may have been one of those people. i had a great life due to my adoption, i assumed everyone else did too.

if they can convince themselves that your story is just a fabrication of semi-true events then they can go to sleep patting themselves on the back for the measley good they do in life. maybe they dropped a dime in the ronald mcdonald box today-boy they made a difference. life is good.

i am sorry for the loss of your sister, the walls of ignorance you meet everyday, the whole raw deal you were dealt as a child. the fact that you can function in regualr society is a miracle. the fact that you hold the degrees and level of education you do is downright amazing.

YOU SING IT BOY! dont let them stop you. nothing will change if people like you dont make it.

i want the reform just as bad as the rest of you. and it doesnt even effect me or how i was raised. but people like you showed me the truth and i want to join the fight. because it needs to be done. my experience is different, but that does not mean that i have the right to shun you or your story.

keep going. educate them.