If a person says they are gonna commit suicide,and is "planning "it, should I take them seriously?

Question

I have made a friend,and she has told me that she is killing herself, and keeps pushing back the "deadline." First,it was a 2-4 months, now it is " any day now." As a rule, I do not associate with mentally ill people, as I don't want to have to mentally/ emotionally walk on eggshells,and eggshells,and run the risk of of saying or doing the wrong thing and then them taking offense or rish hurting them in any way. I don't need the BS. My opinion is this: if this person was gonna kill herself, they would have done so already,and not keep on telling me they are " going to do so." I sent her an emotional email,and a couple of videos to lighten her mood. She told me in a rather nasty email,that I was being very selfish and she had shown my email to other people. I felt like I have been played. i don't deal with mentally messed up people,as I don't have the mental health knowledge needed to deal with them. Tact is not something I am known for. Frankly, i feel that if she wanted to die, she would have done so already, and not told me. I feel as if I was darned if i do, and darned if i don't, in sending her one last email. I only wanted to tell her that I valued her friendship,and that I wished she would'nt kill herself,and to try to lighten her mood a little. I failed miserably. She basically told me to go s***w myself,and I am hurt. I don't know how to handle suicidal people,as i don't deal with them. if she really wanted to die, she would not be telling me,and she would have done so already. i tried to be positive, and to let her know that I didn't want her to go, but if she did, that to thank her for her friendship,and i was glad to have known her. What makes me so mad, is that she had shown other people the message I sent her and they said, according to her, that I was selfish. Suicide is selfish, in my opinion. Was I wrong to do what I did? Was I wrong to try and tell her that I like and value her friendship, and not to die? If suicide is what she wants, I tried to be understanding and supportive of her and to ( helpfully) talk her out of it. I feel that when people threaten suicide, it is for attention,and not for help. Those serious about killing themselves, do so, without telling people,and it comes somewhat of a surprise,even though people see it coming and all the signs are there.

Like I said, I don't have the mental health training to try and help her, as all I can do is listen, and try to be a friend and let her talk. By the way, all this exchange was done online, through emails at My Space.

Am i making a big deal out of it or should i just let it go? At this point I dont care about her, but i can't stop thinking about what she said,being suicidal and all. What should i do from here on out?

Answer 1

If someone's h**l bent on killing themself, they won't advertise it - they'll just do it.  She's playing with your emotions - manipulating you.  tell her to get lost and not to let the door hit her on the way out - then don't give her another thought.  Seriously.  I'd also suggest you pick friends more selectively.

Answer 2

She is screaming for someone to help her.  When people really want to commit suicide, they just go do it so no one can get involved.  She keeps talking about it which means she wants someone to stop her.  Never ever take the "I didn't think she was serious" road.  It can lead to a lifetime of guilt on your part if you do nothing and she does it.  If she's not serious and you do something about it, you can't be wrong because you tried to help her.  Make a big deal out of it.  Tell her parents, tell your parents, call EMS...  talk to someone who CAN do something to help her.  

Answer 3

"...if this person was gonna kill herself, they would have done so already,and not keep on telling me they are going to do so."

They may be asking for help, but upon receiving none, feel that suicide is the last option open to them and follow through on it... No one wants to commit suicide. It is merely a last resort where they see no further options open to them...

Answer 4

Wow -

Just relax and listen. You don't have to act on it but send her some crisis help line numbers. Regardless of personal opinions about suicide -it's always best to direct someone to a professional.  

Answer 5

Yes I agree, I think she is playing games with you, I would leave the friendship and the situation where it is.  I think you could do without it, if she was in the frame of mind she suggests to you she is, she would not be showing your email about to her other friends, I think she is attention seeking and you've tried to help her as much as you can.  It is a shame that she feels like this and tries to manipulate people this way and I do think she needs counselling but it is not your job to provide it for her.  She is clearly telling lots of other people about her intentions and no doubt has already been offered counselling anyway if that many other people are involved.

Answer 6

I really think you should call the police NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

Answer 7

http://thesuicidelist.blogspot.com/

Read this.  Every last word of it.  From the oldest posts to the newest.

Read it.  Then decide what you should do.

Answer 8

if someone says that and are planing it.....

*THERE NOT KIDDING AROUND*

* well tell someone she knows like if she still live with her parents then tell them* "if you keep thinking about it, then you care.... and if you care youll do something about it."

and dont keep lieing to yourself that you dont care... if you didnt care you would not have posted this question..."