If abortion and adoption weren't related they why do some people state that they would or have had 1 or more

Question

abortions following placing their child for adoption. I think it's because of the potential pain of losing another child or a way to punish themselves.

To say that they would rather have an abortion rather than inflict that kind of pain that they may have felt as an adoptee or as a first mother, on a child.

It seems to me to be more than just not wanting a pregnancy. Pregnancy often results in an infant, it's no secret.

so how are they not even .00001% related?

Answer 1

I still struggle with the distinction myself, but here's what I think I'm understanding:

A woman chooses abortion when she does not want to continue the pregnancy.  This happens loooong before any chance at a choice between parenting and adoption.  And, as Andraya pointed out, it's not always about whether you want to be a parent or not.  Some women have abortions because they don't want to tell people they're pregnant (maybe a very young woman who doesn't want to tell her parents, for example).

A woman can't choose adoption until she's long past the time for deciding whether or not to have an abortion.  At this point in time, the choice is between adoption and parenting.

I think that, for some women anyway, there is a time, near the beginning of a pregnancy, when all three options are considered at the same time.  But really, at the beginning of the pregnancy, the only choice you have is to continue the pregnancy or not.  There are two very different decisions to make...do I continue the pregnancy?  And, months later, do I parent or give my child up for adoption?

I do see the distinction, but sometimes it still does get a bit fuzzed up in my brain, when I think of all the women I've known in unplanned pregnancies talking about all three possibilities in the same conversation.

Answer 2

Abortion is no more related to adoption than birth control is but the availability of both means less babies put up for adoption. Another reason more babies aren't put up for adoption is because more single mothers are choosing to keep their babies instead. Still, if you are faced with a pregnancy you don't want, you should choose whatever option is best for you even if that does include having an abortion. You should not feel obligated to provide a baby for a couple that wants one.

Answer 3

For me they weren't related at all. I found out I had cervical dysplasia at 21. Normally it is very treatable and progresses slowly but I wasn't that lucky. Three days prior to starting radiation I discovered I was pregnant. My choice was to terminate the pregnancy in order to continue my cancer treatments. For me it was about not being pregnant so I could have the best chance at remission thus allowing me to parent my existing children.

I'm sure for some it is about not parenting but for me it wasn't.

Answer 4

I will tell you this, i don't like the term be grateful that your mother didn't abort you. Or your mother could of aborted you, but she choose adoption. These statements are not meant to edcuate. Some PAP's and adoptees and others just use these statements to insult. Which is why i don't like the terms used about abortion and adoption.

Answer 5

Abortion and adoption are the same because they both start with the letter A.  And in both options, the fetus/child has no say in either option.  

Abortion and adoption are completely different issues because a fetus and a baby are completely, wholly different beings.  The laws of the USA currently do not recognize a fetus as an individual human being with legally defendable rights.  Once born, the law recognizes that the fetus becomes a baby, and is therefore recognized as a human being...with rights, responsibilities, identity, citizenship...and someday taxes!

Abortion is one way to dispense with a pregnancy.  Adoption is one way to dispense with parental rights and responsibilities.

Answer 6

OK Lara,  with abortion, you are terminating the life of the Foetus, giving it no chance whatsoever to live. This is usually considered by people who have totally ballsed up their contraception, found out they are pregnant, the guy, for whatever reason, doesn't want to know, and the girl, usually young is left quite literally holding the baby, and nowhere to go or no one who would be sympathetic enough to turn to.

Adoption, is the placing of a child or children, with a family permanantly until they reach the age of consent.

This service can be used by a female who finds herself pregnant, has passed the legal termination age for the Foetus, or for whatever reason is in a position where they would be unable to cope with a new baby(ies) for whatever reason.

This gives the Feotus a chance to develop into a normal human being, however I believe there is no contact allowed between the child(ren) until they reach the age of consent and only if they choose to come looking for their natural parents.

Obviously there may be a problem with future relationships for adopted children, as to when they come to find a partner of their own, that they don't actually form a sexual relationship with a blood relative.

Some women actually choose to become surrogate mothers, carrying a child for a couple who for whatever reason, the female partner in the relatinship cannot concieve.

Again the possible problems of a future blood relationship exist, but at least the surrogate mother is, if she wishes, allowed to see the child., though I would check up on this.

Good luck, I hope this helps,

Mike t.

Answer 7

People will say that they are totally unrelated because abortion is choosing to terminate a pregnancy- and adoption is choosing  to not parent.  However to me when we say that adoption and abortion is unrelated , I believe that we are living in denial. I know my answer will not be popular, but that is ok.  When a woman finds out she is pregnant- there are only three choices -  parent, abort or place for adoption. For those who say it is horrible to say to an adoptee "At least you weren't aborted, and be thankful for that"- go ahead and say that to me, because I am

Answer 8

First off, I agree no one should ever consider an adoptee "someone who could have been aborted" That's not always true.. their first mom could have been 100% against abortion.. and would never have had one, no matter what.. No one should ever tell an adoptee "Be thankful you weren't aborted"  That's an aweful thing to say. You have no way of knowing if their mother considered abortion or not

But I have and will always contend that there IS a connection

There are three options for dealing with an unplanned pregnancy..

Abortion

Adopton

Parenting

There's NO getting around that fact.. The woman/girl has 3 choices.. CHoosing abortion is rejecting the other two choices.. Rejecting abortion as an option (for HER) is chosing one of the other two options.. When she decides against abortion, she KNOWS she has two choices left.. True, not all girls decide between adoption and parenting at that point, but she knows she HAS to make that choice within the next 9 months

Some women consider parenting not an option for them, based on their age, situation, etc... so they realize they  have two other choices. If they are against abortion (thank GOD) then they're left with only one option

It's simple math.. you start out with three choices, and from there it's a process of elimination..

All these people talking about it being a completely separate choice whether to carry a pregnancy to term, or whether to parent a child are just buying into someone's attempt to further "Dehumanize" the growing baby, in an attempt to pull the wool over people's eyes as to what abortion really is.. Murder..

The fact is Abortion, parenting the child, and Adoption are ALL ways of dealing with an unplanned pregnancy.. there's NO GETTING AROUND THAT.. they are solutions to the same problem.. not two separate problems...

Unlike other posters, I DO hope EVERYONE loses the choice to murder another human being.. I make no apologies for that.. Murder should not be a "choice" that any man, woman, or child has a "Right" to..

Now, do realize I'm talking about abortion just because you don't want the child, don't want to be pregnant, whatever.. There are cases like Andraya, where the pregnancy must be terminated to save the mother's life.. That's unfortunate, (And I'd never deny the right to abortion in those cases, possibly also cases of rape ) but those cases are rare (doubt they make up 2% of abortions) and that's a completely different thing than Jane Doe figuring she has the RIGHT to s***w around (knowing birth control isn't 100% effective) and deciding she doesn't want the bother of a pregnancy and child, once she finds out she's pregnant.. THat's selfish and it IS murder..

Answer 9

If someone told me to be thankful I wasn't aborted but rather put up for adoption like it's a blessing to not be a "f**k up"... I'd probably put them in the hospital.  As it's been stated, abortion is the easy way out and adoption is yes, harder... but the better way to do things.  Another thing, if for one second you even have to think about aborting a child because you're afraid to inflict pain on the adoptee or the birth mother than... a) you need not be having s*x, b) that baby deserves better than anything you could give it and c) if you absolutely HAVE TO HAVE s*x, there are methods of birth control that are both 100% effective or close to it...

Now there are exceptions to abortions... like rape or if the baby/mother is going to die... other than that, adoption is only painful if you make it that way.

Answer 10

How are abortion and adoption not related? Is that what you're asking?

Abortion is terminating a pregnancy.

Adoption is carrying out your pregnancy, and sending the child to another home.

I hope we never lose the right to choose.

Answer 11

Yes they are completely related becuse when a woman is pregnant she can have the baby and keep it or get an abortion or have the baby and give it up for adoption so yes of course they are related.

Answer 12

I stand on what I have said before:

Adoption and Abortion are BOTH about loss and less then ideal circumstances.

Anti-adoption advocates would have us belive that it is easier for a woman when she aborts because at least the child is dead and they are never left "wondering".  

Many woman who have an abortion spend the rest of their life struggling with grief and loss and are left "wondering".

It's insulting to both sides to not acknowledge the profound grief felt by these woman.

How can we as mother's forget that?

But most of the time it comes down to MEN....not stepping up to plate and taking responsibility for the life they have helped create. Woman do not have  abortions to empower themselves. And they do not place their children to give a "gift" to infertile woman. Often it IS because they are in a dire situation and feel there is not other way out.

Adoption = Loss

Abortion  = Loss

Adoption = last resort

Abortion = last resort

Answer 13

Everybody should be grateful for the life God has granted them.

Just because somebody was adopted shouldn't give them the right to carry a chip on their shoulder and act as if the world owes them a favour.

Answer 14

When I first found out I was pregnant with my youngest, the first thing that popped into my head was "abortion".  I'll be up front and honest about it.  I wanted one as soon the the test showed posetive.  Marriage falling apart, husband had a felony warrant, emotional abuse, you name it.  I did NOT want to bring another child into this mess.  But I knew that my husband, tho he treated his older daughter like an inconvenience, would never pay to have one done (I was a SAHM at the time).  It took me two months after finding out I was pregnant to pack my stuff, take our older daughter and leave.  By then, I was too far along in my own code of ethics to consider abortion (I am against it after the first trimester), so I spent another three and a half months trying to figure out what the heck I was going to do.  I started an adoption plan about midway thru my seventh month.

Abortion is considering whether to continue a pregnancy or not within a certain time-frame.

Adoption is considering whether to raise a born child or not.

Answer 15

To say to an adoptee "Be glad you weren't aborted." is simply put, rude, insensitive, and very ignorant.

As to why many people who have experienced the pain of adoption would abort:

For many first parents, adoption is comparable a "living death" to your child in that there is a constant wondering and worring about his or her welfare, whereabouts, etc. There are feelings of grief, guilt and fear that last for decades. There is no burial, no closure, no sense of "it's over and I can move on." (Especially in closed adoptions.) For many, even after reunion, many of these feelings NEVER go away. Imagine the pain inflicted on those who were promised "open adoptions" and lost their children based on lied and deceit! Would you not rather grieve the dead than endure a lifelong sentence of grief, betrayal, and guilt?! I would!

(Yes, I know there are women who never get over being guilty about aborting but that is a far cry from the daily questions and feelings adoption brings.) It makes me furious when people assume first families adopt out and never think about their kids again. When people make statements like, "You gave you baby up so you have no right to care/worry/wonder etc." I want to smack them. Every first parent I know (men included) think of their children DAILY.  We worry and wonder without the benefit of being able to calm our fears for our children though observation. We must parent through hope and faith. We care IMMENSELY about the welfare of our children or we WOULDNT HAVE MADE THE CHOICE! How dare people belittle that kind of love and sacrifice. We ARE still our children's parents and we care, more than most people could ever imagine or would like to admit.

Surveys of first mothers who have had both overwhelmingly agree that abortion is hard choice and emotionally painful but it is NOTHING compared to the pain of losing a child to adoption. (Wanna know more...google it 'cause I'm getting long-winded again!! :))

It angers me that so many people are so self-righteous that they feel it is ok to make inflammatory comments to people in pain. To them I say, where is your compassion. Where is your support for your fellow man? I certainly hope you NEVER find yourself in a position where YOU had to make that choice. It is easy to be critical from the outside and have no emotional stake in the outcome, but it is very different to be in the shoes of the person you are judging. Adoptees and first parents suffer enough without your ignorant assumptions and unsolicited opinion. As my Mama used to say, "If you can't say something nice, DON'T SAT ANYTHNG AT ALL!"

IMO, abortion and adoption are only related in that they are possible outcomes to pregnancy, but aside from that fact they are totally different. Sorry to be so wordy again, but this subject makes me hot!

Thanks for asking this question!!

ETA: Just to be clear, I am NOT anti-adoption.