If after coming out to a parent and they're not okay with it should...?

Question

Okay, so my mom found out i was g*y today (she saw me picking up some LGBT pamphlets) , and I had to tell her straight out and she was really upset. Crying and everything. I felt really bad and I don't know how to handle her knowing now. Should I have a thorough talk with her or buy a g*y-friendly book for parents? Or should I avoid the subject to keep her from getting too upset again? I never wanted to make her cry but I want her to be involved in my life. :-/ Help PLEASE

Answer 1

I can see why she was upset. You always want what would make your child the happiest and the easiest. I am not saying that all homosexuals are miserable but we all know there are prejudices associated with homosexuality.

Your Mom is just like anyone else's she probably had envisioned you bringing home a young successful husband settling down having children you know the American Dream. You handed her a whole different world she was not prepared for. Give her some breathing room I am sure she still loves you. When nobody else loves you she will always no matter what but she is human and has emotions and sometimes adults need to show them.

If I were you I would get her a book and if she hands you one to read you should reciprocate it is going to be a two way street listen to how she feels about it and then you can explain how you fee. I would tell her how much I love her and respect her.

Tell her you know their are boundaries for now and you would never shove this down her throat. Let her get used to the idea and I am sure she will be fine. This will be a new normal for the both of you.

Answer 2

most likely your mum will get over it shes just prob in shock and overwhelmed best thing to do is let her get through it her self and when she comes to you try your best to not take anything she says to heart(especially if she says she's disappointed and so on) because it sounds like you have a good relationship with her and Even if it hurts she only is acting this way cause she cares :/

also include her in things like tell her(when she is redy) about girlfriends and so on..make her feel like she is still your mum and you still value her opinion on you life :)

*hugs*

Answer 3

You should buy her a book for parents, that explains everything that should be obvious - that it's natural to be g*y, that it doesn't mean you're less than anyone else, and maybe with some 'resources' at the end. Or find her a nice, accepting mom who has a g*y child to talk to, at a GLBT support group.

(The second one, that's what I did.)

Answer 4

ok so when i came out to my parents they way overreacted

they are now taking me to therapy

and switched my school

and  are keeping me from my old friends

but i understand u have a good relationship with her and want to keep that

here is what you do,

DON'T bring it up, you both feel vary strongly on opposing sides of this,

so neither of you will change what you think

so keep her in your life just don't bring that up and you and your mom can have a great life together otherwise

Answer 5

Well first off I think you should just leave her alone for a while. Just remember that you did the right thing in telling her. You can't help it.

She's the one who needs to get over it, so let her go through denial, which can be miserable (mostly for you, which she doesn't know at this point :/) but after it seems like she's cooled down a bit then a g*y-friendly book would seem like a good thing to get her, but for now just let her be and drop the subject until she's ready to talk about it.

Answer 6

Hmm, well to be honest with you--this situation will be difficult for both of you no matter what you do. Her reaction is quite typical and is actually a lot more promising than if she had burst out in anger. She could have been crying for a variety of reasons: she may be sad that you're g*y or she might be crying because she knows you will likely endure some criticism and she doesn't want her daughter to have to go through pain. I think the absolute best thing you could do would be to sit down with her and talk it out. Be calm if you can. Explain to her that this is who you are, and you want to be happy, and that no matter what you are still the same daughter she always knew. See how she reacts. I wouldn't give her any books or pamphlets just yet; she might not take that too well. If she seems to be receptive, you could then tell her that you'd like to give her some more information on it to help her understand. I'm sure she would be appreciative. I can say this from personal experience--she will still love you, but things might be awkward for a while. Things have changed with my mom since I came out to her, but I'm holding out that eventually she won't see me as any different. Right now she's going through the whole, "What did I do wrong?" stage, which many parents do go through. Be careful to explain to your mom how important and personal this is. Tell her that you love her and don't want to disappoint her or make her sad, but for your own sake, you must live your life. I wish you all the best in this!

Answer 7

I think it'd be a good idea to get her the book and sit down to talk to her. Tell her what you said to us. You never wanted to make her cry, but you want her to be a part of your life. You are who you are. You can't change that, and she shouldn't expect you to either. Being g*y doesn't change who you are as a person. You're just attracted to people of the same gender, and that isn't wrong.

It's probably just overwhelming and hard for her to accept the fact that you're g*y. Give her some time. Don't go all out and force things onto her. Your mom will love you no matter what. She may not like that you're g*y for a while, but hopefully she'll get over it with time.

Just let your mom know you're still the same person. Liking someone of the same gender does not change who you are or make you a bad person. You want her to love you and support you no matter what. She has always been there for you, and you always want her to be. Tell her exactly how you feel.

Answer 8

Give your Mom some space for a few days, remember she is going to have to come to terms with this new information as well, parents normally go through a sort of grieving process during this time. Try to keep the lines of communication open and honest. A really great support/information group you should try to get your Mother in contact with is PFLAG. Try to be as patient with her as you would like her to be with you. I feel for you both while you are going through this tough time. Also remind her daily that you love her! Good luck and best wishes!

L  

Answer 9

Talk to her... If you read any of my other answers, the typical line I suggest is...

"Mom, I love you, and now we're both going through a really rough time. I need your support right now more than ever. I hope that you'll help me through this very difficult time in my life because your love and support mean the world to me."

Best of luck ;)