If aparents can 'disrupt' an adoption, should akids be able to do the same?

Question

If so, at what age?

If the adoption has not been a good fit for the child, should they be able to say adios to aparents?

Maybe the nparents could be called to see if they would like their kids back?

Answer 1

Well I'm sure every single person in the world has had an issue with their parents, does EVERY kid/pre-teen/teenager who has an issue with their parents just get to leave them? No, of course not aparents are your parents, you are their child. Unless there is abuse or neglect there should be no way a child can "dump" their parents. Also, parents with biological children also "disrupt" that and give them away. I know a few who were when they were quite older. It's not something that is unique to adoption.

Bio kids can not just disown parents legally without reason and a suitable back up plan. They must go through the courts for this, as should an adoptee who wishes to be emancipated. Bio kids in no way have more rights than adoptees in this matter.

Oh and FYI- it's only disruption BEFORE the adoption is finalized. After it is called dissolution . The dissolution rate is quite low. Take a look at the rate of parents ( biological )  who lose or give their children away it's much higher

Answer 2

Sunny, this question was asked in kind of the same fashion earlier...  maybe a day ago or so...  I wish I could find the link for you, but it was interesting...  

Personally, bottom line is that in general the adults are supposedly the ones who "know what's best" for children and not vice versa.  If a child is having a problem, like abuse they can call the police, but just because there's no "match" I don't know.  At one point or another doesn't most teenagers feel they don't "match" their parents?  If disrupt for children were allowed- wouldn't that cause more kids in foster care because tehy can't provide for them selves?

Answer 3

They can do so, and it happens. In fact in the state I am living now our daughter will have certain rights when she turns 13. Actually all kids in this state has these rights.

Any child can contact the Children's Services and let them know why they want or need out of any home. Kids can report to the police, teachers and other's what is happeneing and why they should be placed into a Foster Home.

Adult Adopted People can in some states "Undo" an adoption and it is called the same thing. Dissolution of Adoption.

Adoptive Parents however in most states CANNOT Disown an adopted child--or write them out of an estate will....which is interesting......

Answer 4

ABSOLUTELY.  akids have no say in anything.

Answer 5

If an adoptee or biological child wants to “disown” their family they can do so when they turn 18 or they are taken away due to abuse or neglect . Some people aren’t born into a biological family that fits them either. In this world no one gets to pick their parents regardless if one is born to those parents or adopted.

If an adopted child can pick up a phone and say “Hey I don’t want to be here I don’t fit in with this family, I’m not treated well.” Then the same must be extended to those who do stay with their biological families and its not a good fit or they are not treated well in some way.

Answer 6

I would be interested in the statistics on how often adoptive parents give their children "back" or up.  

As for children "disowning" or "disrupting" adoptive parents, I do not see this as any different than bio kids.  Children at all times can go through anger at their parents and wanting new parents.  I certainly wish at times I had had different parents.  So to say that a child can just say adios to the people raising him/her who have legal guardianship and are their parents, well no, there are processes to go through and they shoudl not be different than bio children.  IN cases where children truly need to be removed from abuse, neglect etc. (both bio and adopted children) then all should have the same rights under those laws.

I do find this one of those loaded questions meant to inflame and offend.  Kudos once again.

Answer 7

ya right lets let 5years decide who they want as moms and dads.  How bout 1 year olds.

And thnk you for deleting my questions wich wer just to add some fun here.  Wher do you hang?  how harmless can you be.  only the POLICE CLIQUE can have fun right?

Answer 8

Bio kids can disown their parents.  Why not adoptees?  Doesn't make any sense.  Yes, of course they should!  Even my future kids should have that right!  I hope they don't, but you're right...if we're not a good fit...why should they have any less rights than the general population?

ETA:  I don't think I said that right...I know that adoptees have less rights in this area as well as many others.  I'm saying an adoptee should have the same right to disown their parents as a biological child.

ETA:  HappyMomAnna, does this un-seal their records (OBC, etc.)?  Just curious.

Answer 9

I wish adoptee's were able to disrupt an adoption.  Not everyone wants to hear that aparents abuse their adopted children, but some do.  There are not a lot of options open to adoptee's except if the state steps in and removes them.   I know of one that told the state i'm staying, i don't want to go back to foster care, i don't want to move again.  

It makes me wonder how many adoptee's are in the same situation.  In my opinion it makes the phrases "you better be grateful, i'll send you back if..." keep young people on the edge of terror.

Adopted persons have to heal from adoption...how much more does it take and in what order does healing begin, from the aparents abuse (physical, emotional, mental) or the loss of your heritage and people.

It's a quandry for me.

Sorry answer the questions.  Yes, akids should be able to disrupt their adoption.  In my opinion akids should have a viable alternative at any age to be able to say NO I do not want to be here.  But what is a viable alternative...Is foster care?  Wish I had the answer to that.  Again, they would be ripped from any support system they did have.

Answer 10

Okay Sunny, I'm done with putting my fingers in my ears and saying lalalalalala on this one.  This disruption thing strikes a nerve with me.  Just the thought of any parent giving up on their child and "giving them back" makes me want to cry.

aparents who go thru this disruption should be barred from ever adopting again.

I've looked on line trying to inform myself of disruptions in adoption and what i found made it seem that this only happens early in the adoption process.  First parents changing their minds and deciding to parent was also classified as a disruption. I have found lists of why a disruption might occur.  No where can i find that disruption is available at anytime during raising adopted children.  Can you provide me with a better link?

If you say its true, i know it is.  I just want to read about how they can justify this like 1,5,10 years after the adoption is final?

If the aparent can disrupt at anytime then the child should also be able to disrupt at anytime.  Its only fair.

I must say your child is your child.  If you had a birth child would you "give it away" if the child was brain damaged, had cancer, or was autistic?  No you would do what you have to do to raise that child.  The same applies for adoption.  I don't care what the issues are of your adoptive child, you adopted that child he/she is your child forever.  Get a grip and deal with it.

ETA: i appreciate someone explaining to me that there are times when a child becomes a danger to the rest of the family and needs to be institutionalized.  Maybe they can't afford to have the child institutionalized so the adoption has to be disrupted so the state can take over.

I can understand that but i'm not backing down.  Even though a piece of paper now says you are no longer the parents, I still think you are.  My aunt and uncle were in the same situation.  Every weekend I watched their other kids so they could drive 3hrs round trip to visit their son who was institutionalized.  EVERY WEEKEND.  He was their son.  They would never give up on him.  And thats my point.

Answer 11

Sure, why not, we can throw a ton of kids back into the foster system!  

Seriously, this question is what's wrong with society.  "I'm ticked off at my mom and dad cuz they won't let me go to the kegger so I'm going to 'disrupt' them".  The fact is, most small children don't want away from their parents and many MANY teenagers do.  This has NOTHING to do with adoption, and everythign to do with the phases kids go through.  18 is plenty young enough to get away from your parents if you don't like them.  If there are serious abuses there is already a CPS system in place.  

Nparents aren't necessarily andy better than adoptive parents, and it just shows your just as myopic as you accuse aparents of being to say that they are.  You don't know that, since you didn't get raised by yours.  Meeting someone as an adult isn't the same as having them be the one giving you all the rules as you grow up.  

There are thousands of happy adoptions all over the place.  I just saw another one the other day.  A two-year-old girl scrambling up her mother to get away from the big brother trying to tickle her for stealing his cap.  It wasn't even until I recognized who the mother was that I realized the little girl was chinease and her mother and brother weren't because they interacted with one another just like any other family.  

Sure - it isn't going to always be great, but why act like those good times don't happen?  The little girl has a mother who loves her, and who she obviously adores as a place of safety (or she wouldn't have been trying to scramble into her arms to get away from brother.)  She's got a big brother who is proud of her and obviously adores her, and who she definitely trusts or she wouldn't have risked provoking him in play.  I'm sure when she gets older she'll have questions.  She does look chinease when you really study her face - and her parents and big brothers are very obviously American.  I'm sure that will be a challenge for her to deal with in her later childhood and her teens.  Because she was adopted from a chinease orphanage, there aren't any good medical records about her biology.  Likely she'll never know any more than that she came from China.

But then again...  she'll survive to have those years to wonder about her genetics.  She won't die of disease because she was in an overcrowded orphanage - and she won't be put out to work in a factory before she's even had her first period.  She'll get a chance.  She'll know that there are people who love her enough that they flew half way around the world to get to her.  

And more than that, she has these years of childhood before any of that becomes important.  She has these years of laughing while she wrestles with the big brothers who pretend to play rough, but gentle it down because she is, after all, their little sister.  These are precious years of smiles, and laughter, and love when her life is GOOD.  You can't just forget about that because later years will have their own troubles.  Experts say the first three years of a child's life are the most important.  Well, this little girl had a really shakey start, but her parents gave it their all.  She's still not 3 yet, and already she's full of giggles, smiles, and hugs.  It sounds like they're giving her a very solid basis in life.  

Just to clarify - I actually don't like her mother all that much.  She and I never really clicked on a personal level, and so I don't have anything to gain by "playing up" her family or her adoption.  However, I did SEE what I saw in her family.  I may not like her as a co-worker, but her kids were genuinely happy.

Answer 12

I wish it was the case.

It might've spared me years of h**l. In all fairness though, when I was taken away from my aparents by child protection at 11, when the children's aid society went for crown ward status of me I was 12, and I remember that I had to be present. I also remember the judge asking me if I wanted the chance to go back to my aparents home. He explained to me that crown ward couldnt be undone that it would mean the province would step in as my parents until I was an adult.

ETA: So if I understand this correctly, I'm being told that everyone has problems with their parents & I should just suck it up eh?

So when I was locked in a closet for days on end with nothing, hey everyone doesnt get along with the parents right?

On the days i was forced to stand against the wall & watch everyone else eat, use the bathroom while I tried to keep from peeing my pants because I wasnt allowed to go to the bathroom, that was something I should get used to too eh?

How about all the times that my mother would sit on me with my face crushed into the carpet, sore because I was an 11 yr old 70 lb kid with a 250 lb woman sitting on my back, so much that I now take pain medication for the arthritis in my back? And my 3 broken noses? I was a pre teen... mustve all been my fault eh? because after all no p*****n or teen gets along with their parents.

Face it. Some people should NEVER be parents, adoptive or not. It's not always the pre teen or teens fault. If you read the book, "A child called it" That was MY life before child protection stepped in. As bad as foster care was, I probably wouldnt be alive today if someone hadnt stepped in to save me from this aparents that thought I was a no good worthless wh_re like my birth mother.

Answer 13

An adoption is a legal arrangement of relationships.  Aparents can disrupt if they feel it's not a "good fit." Yes, I believe that the adoptee should be able to do so as well.

In every state in the US, when an aparent disrupts an adoption, the adoption is nullified and the original birth certificate unseals and once again becomes the ONLY legal birth certificate for the former adoptee.  No adoption = no amended birth certificate = no sealed birth record.

This is different that a child being taken from their adoptive home by CPS and subsequently having their parental rights terminated by the court.  In that case, it is treated in the same manor as a biological child being removed by CPS.  The adoption is NOT nullified, but the aparents lose their parental rights.  The OBC is not reinstated because the adoption is not nullified.

I believe that if the adoption is not a good fit, or if the aparents are abusive, the child should have the right to say the s/he wants to disrupt the adoption.  Rather than simply having CPS go through the usual process, I believe that an adoption where abuse/neglect have been founded should result in the nullification of the adoption.  The adoption was supposed to be in the best interests of the child, but clearly it was not.  The child should not have to live the rest of his/her life with a birth certificate that shows the aparents as his/her parents if CPS and the courts had to sever the parental rights.