If he was good enough to be a father then why is he not good enough now?

Question

Why is it that a man is good enough until a woman gets pregnant? I get so confused. They enter a relationship with a man, stay for years, plan a pregnancy with him, then when they actually get pregnant they turn on him and use adoption to rip his heart out? What is it about pregnancy that makes women suddenly open their eyes to see what train wreck this guy really is? Is he really a train wreck or is it her? Should she have the power because she's the one who is pregnant to decide if he would be a good father or not, especially since she once thought so and that's why she got pregnant by him? Answers to any of these questions would help me tremendously. I honestly don't get it.

Answer 1

Maybe its just the hormones making her crazy!!  If the guy isnt a "train wreck" and would be a good dad then he should fight for his rights and be a father to his child regardless of her or what she thinks..It takes two to make a baby and she obviously thought enough of him to plan a baby with him so no she shouldnt have the power over whether he is in the childs life or not.

Answer 2

This confuses me too and in scenarios as you describe, I think the father should be given custody (unless proven unfit) and receive child support until the mother can fully co-operate with a shared custody plan.

IMO, if a woman knowingly adopts out a child without the father's permission should face severe legal penalties and the father should either get his kid or some SERIOUS restitution (as if you can put a price on your child). This kind of behavior is not only vindictive, heartless, despicable, immoral, illegal and unethical; it is harmful to the adoption community and most of all to the CHILDREN.

Answer 3

Some men are very charming and wonderful, but once she gets pregnant he changes. We really don't know what is going on in a home. What might look like a good and happy relationship, really isn't. I know many women who are naive and trusting and keep hoping for the best. Many think that having a baby will make things better and it brings out the beast in a man. That's usually a wake-up call for a woman. Now she has a life to protect. Look at what happened to Lacy Peterson. Then there was the couple from Utah, mormons, and the husband ended up killing her. The list is endless when it comes to pregnant women whose mates become abusive, who might not have been showing it before or it wasn't as extreme.

I'm not saying this is always the case, just trying to shed light on what I do know.

Answer 4

women don't always realize or see what a guy really is because females are more emotional then men. Thus we think we are feelings and then when we see what the guy is really about, then it is too late. You already have a baby and the responsibility of raising a child.

Answer 5

I think what you propose is one scenario.

For years other scenario's where fathers have left their families or not paid their support where needed have left their scar.

I don't think we can generalize any dad as good or bad, it is all individual.

Answer 6

Perhaps it was his lack of enthusiasm about the pregnancy. Who knows?

I'm not here to judge or make assumptions about the players in other peoples lives.

Answer 7

I think you have a personal agenda, and until I know it, I'm not comfortable with your questions.

cw

Answer 8

It has been my experience that men get stupid when their woman gets pregnant.

My husband and I were married for 3 years when we got pregnant.  For the first 3 months I put up with him telling me the child wasn't his.  Two months later, we found an adoptive family for our son.  4 months after that, I brought home a picture of our son, who looked just like my husband, because he was the only person I had been with while we were married.  I eventually divorced him for cheating on me.

Did the adoption rip his heart out?  Probably, but that wasn't really a concern of mine.