If i am a "bad mom" for having my daughter at 18 what does it make women that have kids at 40?

Question

Ok this just occured to me. Its just a thought and i would like to know what other people think of this. Many people say that i did the wrong thing by having my daughter at 18 because i was too young. Well what about those people that have their child in their mid to late 40s or even 50s. By the time their children are 20 they would be 60 or older. They probably wouldnt even make it to be grandparents. You wouldnt get to see your childs full life. I mean its not granted that anyone would live to their 90s but you know what i mean. My family and I think that having children early works out for the best, and trust me we have alot of experience with young child birth...my gma was 17 my mom was 20 and i was 18..and everything has worked out for the best so far. I would really appreciate that i dont get attacked by those older ladies out there. its just an opinion if you disagree then fine.

Answer 1

well...a bad mom is someone who isn't their for their children or who doesn't care about them one bit..it really doesn't matter what age you are..as long as you think it through carefully have a good plan where your gonna live what job are you gonna have can you physcially,emotionally,and finacially care for your children ..do your parents approve?..is your spouce happy about it..will your spouce be there for them..all of that and then you can have a child it seems that you took all those things into condicideration and if everything is working out for you..good for you i dont think your a bad mom..and the biggest reason for people to have a kid later is their career and love..what if you never find a person to have a kid with or you have an amazing career having a kid would interfeer or wouldnt be fair to the child

Answer 2

I think age needs to be worried about a lot less. It should be when you can afford a baby, and have everything you need to raise them.

However, i think if it takes you until your 40-50's to do so, having a child then is just selfish.

Answer 3

No offense to you, but my parent's had me in their late 30's. Because they did I was able to have so much more, both financially and emotionally. If they had had me in their early 20's, there's not way I could have such stable home life.

As far as the dying young thing, well. You and I could both die tomorrow, or live to be 100. There's no guarantees anyone will see their grandchild.

I'm glad my parents waited, and I'm glad I wanted until I finished college and was in a stable loving marriage.

Answer 4

18 is young, but not wrong. 16 and below is too young I feel.

My mum was 17 in the 60's married and had her first just before she turned 18. My sister was 18 and now is a hip mum to her boys who are in their late 20's. I was 34 and my boy is now 6 - I really wish I had had him when I was much younger (been with his dad since school).  

Answer 5

Personally I do not believe that age has anything to do with what kind of mother you are or would make.  I too was an 18 year old mother.  I just found it hard being young and wished I would have waited.  But it happened and I dealt with it.  My son is now just turning 16 and never went without.  To me age shouldn't be the issue.  The issue is  are you ready to be responsible for someone other than yourself.  But to me also others opinions don't matter.  It matters what you think and make of it.  

Answer 6

A bad mom is someone who doesn't take care of their kids. The fact that you had your daughter at 18 has nothing to do with the type of mother you are.  

Answer 7

The logic goes both ways:

If you have a child when you're young then you'll have energy to run and keep up with them, you'll live long enough to meet grandchildren and you'll still be young when they leave the home and be able to enjoy yourself, doing things that older people couldn't.

If you have a child when you're older then you'll have established yourself in your career and have a stable, financially more secure home to bring them to, making you more able to care for your children financially, you can have your 'fun' when you're young and so you no longer feel the need for that type of fun when you're older and people live to be 70 - 90 yrs old so they'll still see their grandchildren, potentially.

At what point in ones adult life they choose to have a child is a personal choice.  It isn't anything that others can determine for you.

Answer 8

Being 18 doesn't make you a bad mother, being 40 doesn't either.

When you are so young, you miss out on a lot of young adult fun and living, when you have kids. No money, no college, no dates (if you aren't married), no movies, no weekend get-aways.

I had my daughter at 23 and my son at 38. I think 23 was a good age for me. I had fun with her and really made her the center of my life. However, when I had my son, I have to say, it was wayyyyy different. He is 6 now and I have to admit that It really is not enjoyable. I regret having him when I did. I don't have the patience and the "fun-loving" energy, that I had with my daughter. We just don't have that same bond.

It is really all about the person. My aunt is 65 and she keeps up with him and I can see joy on her face, that I'm sure has not been on mine for a very long time.

Answer 9

I had six kids by the time I was 29.

My girlfriend and I were highschool sweethearts and we accidently had our first son at 16 and another at 18 but we gave them everything they needed, however it didnt work out between us though we're still friends today. I married my current wife a few years later and we had twin boys, then another boy and finally a girl (we decided she'd be our last lol), I love having kids and I don't care who criticises me, neither should you.

It did upset me that people looked at my gf as though she was a sl*t and looked at me as if I couldnt handle kids cause I was a young guy at the time but Im giving each of my kids the life I didnt have. Their all happy so I am too.

Enjoy having them, other people and their unwanted opinions dont matter.

Answer 10

I dont think your a "bad mum" and i dont think they are either. Everyones entitled to have children, regardless of there age.

Answer 11

18 is young but not necessarily wrong. I had my daughter when I was 18 and I am still with my husband, we've been together 19 yrs total this fall. We went without early on but now we're living very comfortably and provide everything our kids need/want. I agree with you on the older parent thing not being a good decision. Alot of my kids friends parents are so old they can't participate in the more physical things and they wont be there when their kids have kids.

Bottom line is to each his own I guess. Some people have the kids much later because they havent met someone they want to have kids with until they are that age. I know I wouldnt want to be having kids when I am that old.

Answer 12

Well they are just generalizations.  Some women are never good parents at 18, 25, 35, or 45.  But that being said generally woman in who have a baby early in life (before 21 or so)  are more likely to be uneducated, unable to afford the child, and not emotionally ready to have a child.  Most woman in their 40' s generally have all these things.  And these things are important in having children.  I am not saying that all young mother don't have these things, but seriously many don't.

I think age is a consideration but only one consideration.  If this woman have financially prepared for their children future and prepared for their children to be well taken care of by loving friends or family members then I see nothing wrong with having a baby (adopted or naturally) at a later age.

Life gives you no promises.  Some of these woman could live until their late 90's in good health and then young mothers could be taken in their early 20's.  One of my best friend in the world died of cancer at 25.  So life gives you no guarantees.

Answer 13

NO you are not a bad mother to have a kid at 18 if anything you are a good mother as you will be around more alot more years then all theses mother who have there kids at 40 as they wanted a career first so they thing of them selves but stuff the kids when they die at 50 or 60