If i just need a break from my baby (for the weekend or so) does that mean i am not ready to be a mom?

Question

why is that..everytime i need a simple BREAK from being a mom (to my 2 month old) my family makes it seem that i am a "bad mother" or that i am not ready to be a mom (if i still need a weekend off for just me- for once)?

i get comments like:

-"u should have thought about being a mom BEFORE u got pregnant..

there are no such things as weekends anymore!"

-"give your baby up for adoption..if you can't handle it"

-"why are you going out? so that u can come home pregnant again?"

ever since i left the hospital 2 months ago.. i haven't had a MINUTE to myself..i have been watching him 24-7 around the clock..

my parents say there are "not ready" to be grandparents..

my sons father isn't in the picture anymore..

and i really don't have much support from anyone else..

i stress out alot from doing things on my own (which i don't mind) and sometimes i just need a break (.like to hang out with my friends and stuff..) but everyone gives me h**l for that...

so is it true..once you're a mom..there are no such things as "fun" anymore? does that make me a bad mother..that i just want some "me" time for once...*sigh*

Answer 1

My daughter is 4 1/2 months old. My husband is part time Air Force Nat'l Guard and goes once a month to his base. Leaves Saturday morning around 6:30 and comes home Sunday evening around 5:30. I haven't ever stayed alone in my house with my daughter over night. I am a bit scared I guess you could say. I had severe PPD and was actually hospitalized for it and given medications. They have helped but originally I didn't want to deal with her and put her to bed. My husband actually does it and pretty much always has. So it makes me nervous so our daughter goes to our friend's house over night and I get the house to myself for a bit (oh, and the 6 cats we have). It's nice I have to say. My mother has said to me that I could've stayed at their house with her over night. NO thank you. I don't like the fact that she smokes but even more so the idea was to have some alone time, just for me! And she then tells me that I am pawning her off and that I am her mother and I should want to be with her. I hate it when she says c**p like that. It's ridiculous. I am with her all the time during the day. It's my life but she likes to but in with her issues. I hate that she tries to make me feel bad for wanting some space of my own. She tells me she never did it with us 3. Well who the h**l cares? It's MY baby, not hers. I will raise her how I choose.

And you should do the same. Do whatever you can to get a break. NOTHING is wrong with it and don't let others tell you different.

Answer 2

Remember..a happy healthy mommy, makes a happy healthy baby. Get your break girlfriend, before you loose your mind. Just because you have a baby, doesn't mean you have to loose "yourself". You are not a bad mother. Tell your family to back off! I totally understand how you feel. I almost had a mental breakdown before i got a little time away from my baby. I love him dearly, but i just needed some reassurance of "me" time.

Good luck!

Answer 3

This is all why being a mom is important, valuable and a sacrifice. You are now past the time for hangin' with friends and teen stuff - you are a mother. That sure doesn't mean you can't have fun, but now it's just a different kind of fun.

It was your choice to have a child alone, these are the consequences, but they are GOOD ones! You just need to grow up really fast and get mature so you can care for your child properly. First and foremost, you cannot be selfish at all.

It doesn't mean you are a bad mother because you are thinking these things, it's just now that your attitude has to totally shift.

Have a friend or two over for a meal, or to watch a movie in the evening.

Make plans to see family - on both sides.

Pack up your child and go to the park, go shopping, to the zoo or any other local sites. Just for a walk!

Good luck, and seek counselling if you need assistance.

Answer 4

My daughter is 8 months old, and I have not had a weekend to myself since she was born.  Yes my husband watches her if i want to visit a friend for a few hours, or go to the store/shopping on my own, but other then that Im with my daughter.  How old are you? Life is not about going out on weekends anymore.  Your son is only 2 months old, just wait until he gets older.  Your the only parent he has, who do you expect to watch him over the weekend for you to have "your" time?

Answer 5

Your baby is only 2 months old and already you need a "break"?? Sounds like you forgot to grow up yourself before you had this baby. My daughter is coming up to a year old and I've never been away from her for more then a few hours. I don't mind, it's what I signed up for. Oh sure, it's not easy but I could not just drop my baby off, even at a relatives, and say "see ya" for the weekend. I wouldn't feel right at all doing that. In fact, the very idea is inconceivable to me. It'll probably be a long time before I have any real "me" time. I had lots of "me" time for the 30+ years of my life I spent child-less. I have a little human being that depends on me to be there for her and that's exactly what I intend to do for a long time - be there for her. I DO get overwhelmed but a few hours away getting my nails done or shopping helps. In that few hours she's busy with her dad while he pushes her on a swing or plays on the floor with her. We don't use babysitters period. She's been to her grandparents house 2-3 times for 2 hours. My point is, you can still have "me" time but it doesn't mean dropping your baby off all weekend. That's more like abandonment at this age...especially to a 2 month old! You need to grow up and get your priorities straight. There's still fun but you'll have to redefine what "fun" means to you. If it means getting sloshed with your buddies and hitting the bars then you need to give yourself a shake. If it means the feeling you get hearing your baby giggle as you push her on a swing or watch her discover something new then you've got the right idea of what fun is for a mommy.

Answer 6

I think in this case, everyone's right and everyone's wrong. Yes, you might need a break every now and then, that's normal, I sometimes want to run away from my kids! But on the other hand, the logic they are saying is right also, there really isn't such things as "weekends" anymore etc etc. My guess is that you are young and they are trying to "teach you a lesson" but what you need to say (calmly) that it has happened but you need just 2 hours to yourself to "re-group" once a month. basically, long enough to get your nails and hair done! You really can't go out with your friends anymore unless it is with a child in your arms, sorry about that, it's just life! My best suggestion would be to find other mom's your age to hang ot with that wise having a baby with you doesn't seem awkward or uncomfortable.

As for your parent's saying they aren't ready to be grandparents, that's mean, they are taking their frustrations out on you and you don't deserve that. Next time they say that, just calmly say, "that's not nice, please don't say it again because it really hurts my feelings." You don't deserve that comment.

I have fun all the time and I am a young mom with 2 kiddos. It's just a different kind of fun you have to have, your baby is young, you will soon figure out things that are considered fun that include both you and the baby. Good Luck  

Answer 7

No, you are not a bad mom for needing time for yourself. You should still take time for your needs as well as your childs. Find a trusted and reliable friend or relative to take care of your child from time to time.

It will make you a more calm and relaxed parent, to de-stress yourself  once in a while.

Answer 8

I don't think there is any thing wrong with you at all, if you need a break for a few hours or a day or two. My granddaughter's mother would not leave the baby at all for the first 4 months then she started leaving the baby with us for a few hours, now we get her almost every weekend. We love are grand baby and would watch her whenever we get a chance. Have you checked with any friends or family to help you. I think your parents are being a$$holes for not watching your baby for a few hours. Have  you checked with the baby's father parents.

Answer 9

I think it means you are too immature to be a good mother. I have a 5 week old baby, and I can't imagine wanting to leave him for one minute! I have to go back to work in one more week and it is killing me just thinking about leaving him for 9 hours a day! Do you work? If not how are you supporting your child? If not, maybe try getting a job and that would give you some time away. Otherwise grow up and take responsibility. I thought I was a bad mom because I wished one day he would sleep so I could take a nap for an hour. I can't even imagine wanting an entire weekend away. I think you sound selfish and immature and you should have gone into motherhood more prepared. There is still fun as a mom, it is just different fun if you want to be a good mom. Figure out your priorities.

Answer 10

you'd be a bad mother if you never took time to yourself.  You have to take care of yourself otherwise what will be left to take care of your baby?  Just a stressed out, on the verge of who knows what, basket case.  Trust me, I know what it's like.  Perhaps try taking mini breaks instead of a whole weekend.  Get somebody to come watch baby so you can go for a massage, get your hair done or just have girls night out.  Your a mom but your still a woman and you still have needs too!  Make a date for yourself once a week and stick to it.  It doesn't mean your not ready to be a mom but consider the sources.  Our parents (well the "older" generation) quit work and stayed home to raise their families, no questions asked.  These days women have so many more options (not that staying home is bad) but "back in the day" women did give up themselves to be mothers.  It didn't make them better mothers or more ready to be mothers though.  You ABSOLUTELY should be taking time for yourself!  no questions asked and you should refuse to feel badly for it at all.  Just consider taking smaller breaks more often and maybe you won't feel you need a whole weekend away.  This is still a very special time for you and your little one too.  You don't want to miss anything:)

congrats! go have some fun!

Answer 11

i dont think becos u want time to yourself doesnt mean ur not ready to be a mum. my son is five months and i feel the same i want time to myself. dont get me wrong i love him to bits just i wouldnt mind time to myself also

Answer 12

yes it's true there is no thing as "fun"(other than a trip to the zoo or park with the kids) once you become a mom. I never wanted to be away from my son, not even for a few hours let alone a weekend! I would go crazy without him! it's sounds like your not ready to be a mother, especially since you still want to "hang out" with friends. You can take a break like go to the supermarket or get a haircut,yes but not to go "hang out". My son is now 2 and I just took a trip with my husband for 3 days and that was the longest we have ever been away from him

and hello?! there is no such thing as "weekends" anymore! atleast for the next 18 years, minimum. r u serious?!

Answer 13

Dont listen to all these people who are saying you are a bad mother and that you dont have time for weekends anymore.  If you have children you should know what a big job it is, (Especially being a single mother with no help from anyone) and at times women can become frustrated or even depressed with the demands of being a mother, it does not make them a bad mother at all.  Fathers get alot of time to themselves does that make them a bad father, no.  Women deserve to have a break from parenthood, even if it just to go do the grocery shopping alone, or go out to lunch one day with a friend to catch up, just because we are women does not mean we are not allowed to have some time to ourselves every now and then, i think women deserve it with all the work they do looking after children.  All the women on here who say there are no more weekends and you are a bad mother i feel sorry for because i feel they are jealous because they dont have some time to themselves so they think anyone who has children is not allowed to do this,  My children are 7, 5, 3 now and they take turns sleeping at nannys house 1 night each weekend which gives them time to spend with their nan and other relatives and they love it, although i usually dont use the time to do stuff for myself i get time to do things around the house like change the kids room around or have a cleaning spree. Try work something out that works for you, baby and whoever is looking after your baby maybe get a close friend or a relative to babysit for a few hours and you might feel better after that time and can enjoy being a mother, being a single mother i think you deserve to have some time to yourself, it does not matter what anyone else has to say you are the mother not them.

Answer 14

I know I will probably get some bad ratings for my answer but I don't care.  The people who are telling you that you don't need a break, he is only two months and your not ready to be a mother are probably not single mothers.  I am not a single mother so first off I want to salute you, when you are a single mother you are truly doing a lot.  I have my son's father/fiance to help me and he has alway been there.  You have been doing it all by yourself since you gave birth.  When I had my son his father was there so I could get the rest that was well needed.  Even the doctors tell you to get rest, before they discharged me they asked me did I have help because it is hard.  People are making it seem as if you weren't ready to have a baby, and maybe you weren't but you can't judge that on you wanting a weekend out.  I myself have never had a weekened away from my son, however I have had nights out with friends while his father stays in and vice verse but again you don't have that other parent which is crucial.  You do loose a lot of freedom when you become a parent but I wouldn't go as far to say as there is no such thing as fun.  I find it fun to do things with my son, I love watching him in the park, if you like to shop go shopping for baby clothes.  I would suggest you get some time to yourself if possible because to much stress can actually be dangerous.  Do you feel like you are going through post partum depression? I hope not but if you are try to speak to someone about this.  Do you have any cousins are close friends you can TRUST?  Does the baby have God-parents? If so utilize them, even if it's just for a couple hours for you to get a massage or your hair done.  Having a baby and raising one takes a lot. It is a full time job that never ends and you have it worse because you are a single mom.  You are not wrong for wanting a little time. Don't let anyone criticize you they should be criticizing the father who decided he didn't want to help.

Answer 15

that's nof fair by far!!! of course you need a break we all do every once and a while! it's tough c**p being a mommy 24/7. people just don't understand for some reason. you are not a bad mommy!!! take a breath and this imaginary hug from me and know that you're normal! i need a break every once and a while too! unfortunetely there are no weekends truely when our kids are as young as they are for us. shove that info right up their whoo hooo giving your baby up for adoption my butt!!!! just because you need a breather doesn't mean that you don't love you baby with all your heart and soul! and we need a nite out every once and a while! nobody is 'ready' for anything relisically! they just have to deal with it! you did, so then they have to! you can do it even if your sons father isn't in the picture. tons of other parents do it single, and i'm sure you can handle it even though it's hard.

there is a whole new meaning of fun now that you're a parent. you can still have fun in the way you used to from time to time but you have to limit it for the saftely and health of your baby.  

Answer 16

your child is your responsibility...24/7 365. he is only two months old. you have only been his mommy for two months and your already at this point?! girl, weekends DO NOT exist when you have a baby. and its not that all the fun is gone...its that now, your baby is your fun, love, and joy. there is no such thing as "me" time, its all about your baby now.

Answer 17

You don't get time off from being a mother; it is a 24/7 job.

Wanting to be away from your baby for a weekend when baby is only two months old is a little weird, at best. If lack of support is making it hard for you to bond with your baby, get some support, not a weekend away from your newborn.

"there are no such things as weekends anymore!"

Well, not quite. But your weekends are trips to the park and the petting zoo and getting caught up on the laundry, not hanging out and drinking with your buddies.

I have a 1yo and haven't been away from her for more than a couple of hours, and even that's not common. Babies are not meant to be separated from their mothers, as the biology of feeding them makes quite clear. You can't say "I'll see you Monday, and Grandma will take good care of you" to an infant; all he knows is that his beloved mother has abandoned him, and he's with a stranger now. Not good.

Answer 18

You're not a bad mother and don't think otherwise, if you have a healthy, happy baby who is developing find and the dr's show no concern then you're good. If you give your baby the love he deserves you're doing your job. Ecspecially if you're doing this alone.

Tell your family to back off that could be adding to your stress and making things more difficult.

EVERYONE needs a break from time to time, you can't always be happy on three hours of sleep, you have enough energy to function for your babies needs but don't forget about your own. Your baby can only be happy if mommy is happy too. My son is six months old and I have went out a few times since having him and it was well needed. If you can find a sitter that you trust for a few hours to catch up on sleep or to even go out then take it! Don't be ashamed and Don't think you're a bad mother.

If you feel the stress is really getting to you though maybe you could talk to your Dr. about postpartum depression and he can give you some medicine to make things easier. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

edit- the fun kind of does end, its not like it use to be before you had your baby. If you are out you are more than likely lost without your little one or constantly worrying about them. Also if you are a young mom I'm 18 I grew up quick, my son's needs come before my own and when I mean go out, I actually mean go to the grocery store alone or out to eat with friends for two hours at the most. I don't go out on weekends with friends, our weekends consist of friday grocery shopping, getting diapers, wipes, formula, paying bills and visiting family.

Answer 19

ALL PARENTS NEED THAT TIME  ANYWAY,,,WITHOUT IT WE COULD GET FRUSTRATED AND FEEL ALL KINDS OF PRESSURE TIME OFF IS ESSENTIAL IT MAKES U A BETTER PARENT,,,