If it is the Adoptive Parent's responsibility to help biological families of their children...?

Question

including internationally, as in my case, wouldn't that cause more of a problem as a whole by establishing a reason to make an adoption plan for a child because it would guarantee some sort of financial assistance, or welfare from the international adotpive parents?

This question stems from my prior question (is there a way to connect questions that are linked?): http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AtspkQAJEXiuy8Hx8exKLZvsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20080323072029AAjM6Fu

Answer 1

It is not the responsibility of the adoptive parents to help out the birth families. I would feel like it is in some way buying a baby.

Answer 2

Number one responsibility and focus is your child..

If you have the means to help others, fine.. but your child should come #1.. that's your only "responsibility"

Answer 3

imo... many aparents are not too thrilled about this idea becaue it defeats the purpose: to adopt a child.

family preservation is usually not in the equation.

Answer 4

I don't feel it is your responsibility to help the adoptive parents.  I think it is a nice choice, one I would make myself, but I don't think it is fair to lay that responsibility on all adoptive parents.

I know it is not a popular point of view on this board, but there are some birth parents who do not wish to be parents at that time.  They want to go to college, they want to enjoy their youth, they just don't feel emotionally, spiritually, or financially ready.  

I think if it is ONLY a matter of money, then yes, we should support birth mothers so that they can keep their children.  If it is ONLY college, then yes, I'd support co-op nurseries and other childcare avenues for them.  But there are some birth moms out there that even after careful counseling they choose (are not forced, bribed or stolen) to give their babies up.  It is hard, hurtful and horrible for them, but in the end what they feel is best for them and their child.

When you adopt a child, your responsibility is to the child you adopt.  It would by extension be in the best interest to care about their birth family...but I think financial assistance would be some sort of selling the kids and lead to the very corruption so many people are trying to fight against.

Why should someone get welfare for giving up a child?  I'm all for welfare for people who choose to keep the child.  But in a country who doesn't want to give children health care, and complains about "my tax dollars going to welfare mothers so they just have baby after baby," our welfare system is awful.  It is a system that never gives people enough to get out and ahead....so they stay in it and people think it is because they are lazy or dumb or whatever and in fact it is because they aren't getting enough of a boost to climb to the next level.

Anyway, I'm off on my social worker, welfare sucks and needs to be revamped to actually do some good thing...not the point.

Answer 5

I don't think that woman are going to be giving up their children with the expectation that Americans will be passing out gratitude payments for doing so for eternity.

Isn't this degrading the mothers of international adoptees to a level of being willing to "sell" their children? after the message is recieved that some of the families who adopt the children help out financially?

There are many other ways to contribute to a family, country, and community than passing around money and taking its children.

Answer 6

i agree with sunny.

i also think it's much more beneficial to help any mother keep her child, financially, or otherwise, rather than separating them from eachother.

why not help a mother keep her child, and watch them from afar, like we expect natural mothers to do with their kids who are separated from them by adoption?

Answer 7

Your question is a very complex one.

My first born son was adopted. We did open adoption so that

we can visit him and grow with him. We were just way to young and irresponsible at the time.

So, in my oppinion there is no responsibility to help the biological family out at all either within our country or another unless you want to do open adoption and help them out by doing what our son's adoptive parents have done for us. Be kind, caring, understanding and most of all good friends.

Answer 8

Even taking adoption out of the equation, we all have an obligation to help one another out. That's being a human. There's always going to be somebody less fortunate than you. And there's always something you can do to make someone else's life a little bit easier.

It doesn't have to be money. Sometimes it's just a little of your time. It's important our children see it to, and that they are encouraged to "pass it on". We all have a moral obligation to one another.

Answer 9

There is a very real danger (in international adoption situations) that if you go sending lots of cash directly to your son's family, their neighbors would see & it might influence them to relinquish.  No one wants that to happen.

There are other ways of helping, though.  When we send cash to our son's family in Asia, it's very small amounts. We knew right away to be careful because the first thing they did when we got in touch was ask us to build them a new house.  Instead, we arranged for vocational training for the mom, then funded her business with a micro loan. We paid for school tuition for the other children, and sponsored medicine for them through an NGO.  

Our children from Africa were old enough to tell us that if we sent money to their family, their dad would keep it for himself because he drinks too much and then beats up their mother & brothers.  Fortunately, when we met our kids' family, we did ask for a tour of the large town nearby. We asked especially to see aid organizations & got the names & addresses of their directors. We send money to these organizations which help more than just our children's family, but do help in the area where our children are from.

You're right to be careful, but there are still things you can do.

Answer 10

Helping the bio family or the country of origin "just because" you adopted from there (especially if you're required to do so) would be just like buying a baby.  

Again, I would hope that you would WANT to help people, to teach your child that those who are better off help those who aren't; that this is what people do to foster a sense of global community; this is just a good thing to do.  You should give what you can because it's a good thing, not because someone's twisting your arm.  If you just really don't want to help people...then don't.  That sucks, but it's your choice.

Answer 11

Excellent thought.  I have said though that I think it is NOT the AP's responsibility to help the bio families, it is no more their responsibility than anyone else on the street.  It is, however, ALL of our society's responsibility to do what we can to create conditions that people who can, want and are able (by able I mean not addicted, not abusive etc.) to raise their children can do so.  This is by having a good social infrastructure, and to rid of some of the for profit incentives and other stuff going on in the US.

If financial assistance for bio parents from AP's were the norm, I think that would for sure look like AP's are purchasing or bribing for the children.  And we can all agree that is a BAD idea.

Good question!