If my future husband adopts my son, do I have to change his name?

Question

My son's dad died when I was pregnant with him, in a car accident. So he has never known him. When my bf and I get married, we would like for him to adopt my son. I am still very close to my fiance's family, and my son sees them quite often and we both love them very much. So, my question is, do I have to change my son's last name? His middle name is his dad's first name, and his last name is his dad's. I would like him to keep his dad's last name, even if/when he is adopted. I was thinking of hyphenating it, like Smith-Jones or whatever. What do you think?

Answer 1

You don’t have to change his surname but obviously it typical happens when one is adopted. I’ve never been a fan of hyphenate names I guess it depends on what the last names are. Perhaps you could create a new last name via bio dad’s last name and future adoptive fathers last name.

You could always give him the adoptive fathers name and he could change it back when he gets older if he wants to. or maybe you  could make one of the surnames a second middle name  i.e

Robert Michael Jamieson McHenry

Answer 2

You don't have to change your son's name. If his dad was a bad father I would suggest it, but he never had the chance to be a father. I think you should honor him by letting his son carry his name. And I don't think your new husband should have a problem with that.

Answer 3

How bout just adding a new last name.  Leave his current last name as a middle name...then you are still honouring his bio dad.  you might want to ask the adopted dad how he feels as well.

Answer 4

Legally, no, you do not have to change the last name if your future husband (I'm assuming that "future husband" is a different reference than "fiancee"?) adopts your son. However, assuming he's old enough to make such an educated decision, you should ask your son what he prefers considering it's going to be HIS name. If he's too young to make the decision at this time, keep his old name (such a name change would be otherwise confusing at his age) and as he gets older be prepared to answer questions as to why your last name is different from his. Growing up with a similar circumstance (my mother divorced my father and used her maiden name, but my brother and I kept our father's last name), I can assure you that the questions won't be too difficult for him to understand.

Answer 5

At the time of finalization of the adoption, the judge will ask what name you give the child.  It is my understanding that you can choose to give him any legal name you want.  I like the hyphenation idea.  Or even changing his middle name to one of the last names - if that is an option?  

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

Just hyphenate it.  That way no ones feelings will get hurt.

Answer 7

My first question would be, does your BF want to adopt your son or is it you that wants him to adopt your son?

Right now your son, if you are living in the USA, should be receiving Social Security benefits from his father's death.  If you are in the USA and you haven't applied for Social Security Benefits for your son, you should do this for the child.

If you are receiving benefits and your BF decides to adopt the child after marriage, then I am not sure if the benefits from Social Security will continue.

It's a touchy situation because you do have a son and he is the one to carry on his father's and  family name for future generations.

Answer 8

No, you do not have to change his name, the adoption will give your new husband legal parental rights, but a name change is entirely optional. You could even add your new husbands name as a second middle name...hyphenation is not required.

The SS issue is what I didn't consider, mentioned above. Instead of adoption can your new husband be named a legal guardian instead?

Answer 9

You do not have to change the name of your child. However, a name change  is part of the adoption process. If you decide later to change his name to that of your husband, you will have to pay an attorneyfor the legal work.

George

Answer 10

NO not at all

Answer 11

I like the suggestion of adding your husband's name to the end of your son's current name.

In the end though, it's up to you.  

I know of a couple who adopted four older boys (bio parents were killed in a car crash, I believe) and because the boys still had connections with the biological family, they chose to keep their last name the same.

Answer 12

I would keep it just the way it is.  It is a way for him to pass on his fathers legacy and have him in his memory even though he only has him in past pictures.

My two boys have their fathers last name, they were from a previous relationship.  My current DH and I have 4 girls and they all have my last name.  We did not want to honor his last name and pass it on because his father was not the best of persons.

Do what ever makes you all happy.

Answer 13

That is totally up to you and your future husband. If he's old enough see what his opinion is. Otherwise hyphenating it is ok.

Answer 14

If you like it no and if you don't yes.

Answer 15

Leave it be, it won't hurt anyone.

If it's not broken don't fix it.

Answer 16

I would NEVER hyphenate a name - it looks stupid.

If your soon to be husband wishes to adopt your son - then you can change his last name but only if that's what your future husband, and you,  want to do.

Hopefully, you do this before your son begins school so he won't be confused by last name differences..............

Answer 17

i think hyphenating it would be the best idea. that way no one's feelings would be hurt, the fathers family or the adopted father. good luck

Answer 18

I think you should let your son decide when he's a little older