If my future husband wants to invest in property, and I don't, what should happen?

Question

I don't believe we're in a place financially to invest right now. We have a really nice apartment near the city and it's extremely inexpensive for the size. We both work and split the rent.

Although I'm comfortable where we're at, he feels it's a waste of money and wants to buy either a house or duplex, fix it up (he's very handy), then flip it or rent it out. He does seasonal work and feels this will give him a "project" to work on over the winter.

Personally, I'd like for him to hear me out before he makes any sort of thousand dollar purchase that could potentially turn into a money pit. He said this is something he's always wanted to do. (I've always wanted to quit my job and write a book, but that's just not very wise for either one of us).

I told him if this is something he really wants, then he should do it - without me. Personally I would never take a gamble with the money I have saved for the future and for us - at least not at this stage in the game. Plus, being a landlord/property owner is a lot of work - not to mention calls in the middle of the night for repairs.

I don't think he knows what he's getting into. I've voiced my opinions and concerns, but it seems he's going forward anyway.

Answer 1

if the conflict gets too bad, you might consider splitting up. otherwise, you should get a prenup to protect yourself.

Answer 2

This is a tough one.  Your current solution where he invests only his own money and time protects you financially for now, but since you're planning to get married it won't work forever.  When you get married you're making a strong commitment to combine your lives, and that means your financial lives as well.  It's not really just "his money" he's investing if that means that you end up shouldering the cost of other joint expenses like food and entertainment.

When couples disagree on a big investment like this, they're usually disagreeing on either a) the actual amount of money involved, or b) their tolerance for risk, or both.  Deal with a) first as that's the more factual issue; what's the total cost going to be, including the initial investment and the cost of repairs?  I would suggest talking to both a loan officer at a bank and somebody experienced with rehabbing about costs and risks involved.  Also, get an idea of the expected return on your investment.  I've seen charts of which home improvements are more likely to pay off and by how much; see if you can get your hands on those.

As for b) (risk tolerance,) it sounds like you may have a lower risk tolerance than he does.  Again, look at the numbers to see if it changes either your or his opinion.  Try to turn your current expenses into an annual budget to see how much you're saving right now.  Also, list your short- and long-term financial goals, which should include at least 1) having an emergency fund of 3-6 months pay in case something happens to one of you, and 2) Saving for retirement.  Maybe when you lay all of this out you'll think "hey, we have more than I thought," or maybe he'll think "gee, we can't really afford to take the risk right now."  

Finally, if you decide to go ahead with the investment, you should have a "stop-loss point" -- a point beyond which you decide *in advance* to stop spending money on a losing investment (a "money pit") and get out, even if that's at a loss; without deciding that in advance, many rehabbers become emotional about their investment, putting more and more money down just to try to get back their initial investment, like a gambler on a losing streak.

I know it sounds like a lot of work, but taking the time to turn *feelings* about money into *facts* is the best way to clarify what you and he are getting into.  Even with all the facts, it may come down to hammering out a compromise that you can both live with, which is part of being in a relationship -- but hey, you'll have a much better idea of where you are financially if you do all the footwork now.

Answer 3

I strongly suggest you to quit your job and write a book.

Answer 4

Tell your husband you are going to start wearing the pants, and he needs to go put on a skirt.

Answer 5

Real estate is the best investment to put your money in.  You can deduct your mortgage payments from your taxes and apartment rent does not go towards any kind of equity.  I feel the issue is your belief in your mate, but you have to decide your comfort level.

Answer 6

If you're going to stick with him then make sure you sign an agreement stating that no matter what, divorce or whatever, the property is his. If you don't want to invest, and you don't want any part of it, you've no right to ever benefit from it in any way.

Answer 7

Always keep open negotiations.Try to both talk without malice.

Seek pro help.

Answer 8

Right now, your big issue is communication.  Don't get married until you have that sorted out, because it will get worse.

You both need to get together on a financial plan that you both are very comfortable with.   Buying a house is often wise, but not as wise as realtors and banks would have you believe.  My house has gone down in value about 20% in the last couple years due to the lousy market.

You guys have to be on the same page, or you will fail.  Most people are too dreamy eyed before marraige to see it, but it happens all too often.

OTOH, you should consider buying a house as it can be lucrative if he is as good as you say at fixing them up.