If people care about babies with inadequate mothers..?

Question

Then why don't they help support the mother instead of separating them?

When I'm able, I want to adopt a poor chinese baby,

AND their mother.

SURELY by every law of nature, this is better for the child, even just for them to be breastfed is so important.

.

Failing that, when people prefer to make the child theirs,

then who's aimed to be the real beneficiaries in adoption?

Answer 1

We adopted through foster care.  The biological mother of our sons was a habitual drug and alcohol abuser and had a long history of emotional problems.  Having read the case file and spoken at length to the different case workers, I can say with confidence that significant effort was put into helping her get back on her feet.  Eventually, the case workers and the judge said, "how much longer must the children sit in limbo waiting for their mother to sort herself out?".  After 18 months of family plans, planning meetings, rehab, drug tests, court hearings, etc. the state decided it was in the best interest of the kids to have a permanent home (i.e. adoption).  This was not a decision made 'lightly' by those involved, most were very unhappy that they were no able to help her.  And, yes, there was also extensive research into adoption by a family member, but either they were unsuitable or they declined.

My point is, sometimes it isn't just about money or resources.  Sometimes the biological family just is not the best environment for the child(ren).    

Answer 2

OMG, I would never want to be responsible for the possible abuse or neglect of a child that I paid his/her mother to keep.  I'd be horrified to be the one to tell that poor child that it was me who talked his/her natural parents to keep them when they didn't want children.

You do what you want to do.  Just because people relinquish their children, and others adopt the children does not make it right for you to say that is bad.

And good for you if you want to play GOD and be a sugar mama to some family.  Will you adopt me and my son?  I would love the extra income.

Answer 3

Anytime a child is loved unconditionally the whole world benefits.

Answer 4

I hear you...

Answer 5

Adoption is not unnatural. It happens throughout the animal kingdom and has long been a way for humans to make families.

Until you're able to actually contribute to the solutions, you may find that it's better to spend your time learning about adoption as well as charitable relief efforts.

Answer 6

you can be a host family and have them all move in with you..dont need to adopt them. you could be there sponsor and mentor

Answer 7

This is a really good point... I'd honestly never thought of that. I mean sure if the mother doesn't want the child or the child would not be safe (abusive parents etc) then it is obviously a good idea to remove the baby from the situation. I guess people want babies.... simple and they think that they are doing the right thing by taking a child from a disadvantaged background but I guess really the main person they are pleasing is themselves....

Not everyone is in the situation to take on a mother and child though(and it may also include father and other siblings or you'd just be breaking the family up).

I dunno what I really think about it ... it's a really interesting point though.

Answer 8

[The mom doesn't want him or her, so she wouldn't be around anyway.]

You should never assume that a mother relinquished simply because she didn't want her child.

Not saying there are NOT mothers who didn't want their children - because that unfortunately is also true at times - but just saying you should never assume they didn't just *because* they relinquished.

Wundt: That's really sad to hear... I wonder why the mother wouldn't pull herself together in time, at least for her own children. Makes me wonder why support like that couldn't be offered to mothers today.

Answer 9

You want a strange woman living in your home?  I guess kudos to you.  I would love to adopt and plan to in the not-too-distant future, but I only plan on taking on a child, not the mother.  In many cases, the child was given up.  The mom doesn't want him or her, so she wouldn't be around anyway.  

I did hear of a story of a person in the states who adopted a 14 year old pregnant girl, but they country she was from (Russia, maybe?) held her until the baby was born so they could sell the baby for more money.  I think the adoptive parents here also adopted that baby, but honestly it should have been a packaged deal.

Good luck to you on your conquest of adult-adoption.

Answer 10

Because people think of the poor baby that was brought into this world w/o a plan to protect, feed, bathe, and support them.  Do you actually think a woman wants to be adopted by some person and taken from her home land with her baby?  It's a good gesture really, but I don't think it's possible...now you can invite them as a host.  

Answer 11

I think this question that one of my contacts asked yesterday may interest you.

http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...

Read the answers, and be wary of adoption agencies

Answer 12

"Orphanages in poor countries are often filled because women are too poor to look after their babies."

You're so right.  But then there are also older children like mine who could tell me quite clearly how their mother died of "coughing disease". I think that's tuberculosis.

We send money to overseas charities but are never quite sure that help is getting where it needs to go. With your plan of actually adopting a mother and child, you won't have those doubts.

How does that work? Is there a program you know of? Are you talking about sponsorship? Or really bringing a mother and child home to live with you? Would you then support her so she could stay at home to be a mom or would you share the parenting so the mom could go to school or vocational training?  

Answer 13

Yes orphanages are often filled because women are to poor but in China and India specifically girls are often unwanted. China has that one child policy and if you only get a girl they can't carry on the family name. Then in India many poor people still practice dowry. That is where the woman's family pays a large some of money and or property, gifts to the groom's family.   Orphanages are filled with healthy girls in both countries because of these issues. They are left anonomosly on a door step.  So for those two countries major social change is needed to stem the need for adopting kids out of  the country.  You can donate money in your own country to womens shelters, teen programs etc that help young poor mothers and that will help keep families together.