If single mothers are(apparently) so terrible then why?

Question

Don't the fathers make an effort to be in their childrens lives more and do more to keep the relationship going?

I keep reading about how children raised by a single mother end up being abused or turning out with problems as they get older, particularly boys-that they really need a father figure or they'll turn to crime, etc.

So I find it hard to believe that all single mothers become that way because they decide to go it alone, what of the men?

Should they be more responsible?

Answer 1

As the saying goes, it takes two to tango...

You can't place all the blame on the guy, after all the woman hooked up with him (whether for a one night stand or a bit longer).

On the other hand, the guy is being completely irresponsible by bringing someone into the world and then not taking care of them.

I think both feed off of each other.  The easier it is for the guy (and I do NOT mean all guys) to get away with it, the more likely he is to do it.  I have heard women complain so many times about their boyfriends who just aren't proposing, even though they have kids together, but she doesn't want to put any pressure on the guy, then where is his motivation?

If women acted more like ladies, you wouldn't have as many creeps out there thinking they can get away with whatever they want.  (Yes, I know it sounds like I'm placing more responsibility with the women out there, but who gets stuck raising the child solo?  Who, therefore, has the motivation to change their behavior?)

Answer 2

This is a complex question that has many reasons for it's answer. I do agree that there are to many absent fathers. Fathers must make every attempt to stay central in their children's lives regardless of the circumstances. I can't leave without saying that women today do not place the same degree of importance on family as women did in the past. When marriages go bad, women are much more willing to seek divorce than work through the problems. Women today see their happiness as equal if not more important than their children's overall well being.

Answer 3

For two people to engage in behavior so irresponsibly that it produces a baby, is the first problem in this scenario.

I am disgusted by both parties and by their selfishness. Condoms are cheap and the government has pretty much made birth control pills available to any women who will get off her a$$ to go and get them.

Shame was used in by gone years to give a moral compass for stupid people to follow. Maybe we should begin to shame these types of people once again and not give them a pat on the head anymore.

Answer 4

There are irresponsible men/fathers out there, yes; the problem is that people often blame men for the high number fatherless families (like they're the sole cause) but fail to realize that there are many mothers out there who prevent the men/fathers from having any kind of connection with their children out of spite and revenge.

The term "dead-beat dad" is often being used but never "dead-beat mom", despite the fact that there are also many irresponsible mothers out there.

Answer 5

No. Traditional roles need not apply in modern society. Feminism allowed consequentialist moral philosophies to determine each individuals actions. Don't throw hate at men, throw it at feminist. Men are just playing the game that feminist created.

Fathers that have consensual s*x with women should have the same rights as sperm donating men. Men shouldn't be obligated to care for the child. Reproduction is a female right. Responsibilities come with rights. In both cases, the men voluntarily donated the sperm and are technically biological fathers.

Answer 6

Who picked those men?

If the women would pick better men instead of trying to change a "bad boy" into a "gentlemen" then this problem would NOT exist.

There are so many geeks and nerds out there that whine about not being able to get women and most will probably die virgins. YET, you have the careless, reckless men getting s*x regularly. THEN the single mothers want to whine about the man walking out...

What do you expect?

Answer 7

parental alienation.

http://www.jsonline.com/story/index.aspx...

Nice story about modern technology used to bridge the gap created by selfish parents who get custody rape the non custodial parent for support then move away to "start a new life".

            The only way fathers will ever be able to have a large part in there childrens lives is to tie visitation(physical visitation) rights to child support. If the mother moves more than 65 miles away it gets halved, more than 500 miles 75% is taken away.. more than 1000 miles no child support.

     Most mothers love the money but frankly spoken dont care if there children have a relationship with there fathers.

Answer 8

Yeah men like so say how messed up boys are when they are raised by a single mother, as though the mother is inadequate. In reality, all children are messed up when the spend their lives wondering why they weren't important enough for their father to stick around.

Two parents are ideal, but the one parent who does all the raising and financial support shouldn't be blamed for any problems the kid develops later on.

Answer 9

There are many guys that would like to stay around but the mother (and society) are telling him that he is no longer required. He can stay and fight BUT even if he wins the mother can continue to make it difficult and even turn the child off him.Sometimes walking away is the lesser of two evils. Heartbreaking but for the best.

There are lots of reasons for a man to walk away that are beyond his control.

Capone's last sentence.

Answer 10

To be fair to The Fathers out there that want to be a part of their children's life. a lot of times they are pushed out of their life for many reasons. there are LOTS of fathers out there who want to be in their kids life but the mother will not let them see them.

Many times they have to fight in court for years and spend lots of money just to see the kids. and even when they can see them the mother will still keep them away. what can they do then? they fight to see the kids and still they can't. the fathers who want to be part of the kids life and there are LOTS of them out there need support they don't need someone who will keep the one thing they Love the most away from them their Children. It does happen a lot.

I just wish the father of my daughter would want to see her. but maybe one day.

NOT ALL single mothers are bad there are good ones out there who are just trying to make ends meet without any help. BUT there are LOTS of good Fathers out there who deserves to have the right to see their kids. after all they Love them too. Just my TWO cents from watching and listening to fathers and mothers with an OPEN mind. God Bless

EDIT: Sometimes single mothers make an HONEST mistake in their life HONEST mistakes happen you know. I am sorry so many people think they can judge another one and call them stupid when they know NOTHING about them. must be nice to be so PERFECT and never make any mistakes.

Answer 11

Kindly understand the below is not meant as an attack on women.  It's from a father's perspective which can be emotional, prejudiced and/or wrong.

All men are not angels and the below pertains to those fathers who WANT to be in their child/rens lives.

Largely my mother raised me and my brothers.  She was a go getter and became a professional

(after being a stay at home mom.)  It wasn't easy on her but we LIVED in a different time.  Children could play outside without big fear of getting kidnapped/molested.  

Women have done a great job raising us.  However today women are more overtaxed; there is less social support.  More women work today outside the home which leaves less family time.

Plus in the past there were larger & closer extended families.  That meant more rest for women.    

Modern laws make it easy for a woman to get rid of a father.  This applies to fathers who don't make a lot of money and get worn down by the legal system.  This includes women who use the system to hurt the father of their child/children.  

In our mobile society, distance also plays a part.

The father and mother could live in different states.  With less and less parenting time available to them, many fathers become disenchanted with the system.   Thus they blame the ex-wife when problems crop up with the children.    

Spending less time with the father can also include spending less time with the father's parents (grandparents.)  Sometimes the whole side of the father & what he has to offer especially to sons (including history of his family, sports, father's hobbies, talents, etc) is never transferred to the child.

According to the news media, male offspring are falling behind girls.  On average girls tend to adjust better to divorce than boys.  

It's hard for a father to be as responsible if the mother of the children block him from being a parent. This can include telephone contact.  The father simply becomes "erased" from the children's lives as if he never lived.

Studies prove many boys can get crushed by a divorce.  And that can prove disasterous per schooling (and the rest of his life.)  I know, my parents seperated when I was young and I hardly saw my dad after that  (it was not my mother's fault.)

Studies also prove that children with two parents do better in school/life than a one parent household (makes sense-two parents might not financially struggle as much, etc.)  

Would girls have a harder time  adjusting if they lost their mothers?  The answer most likely is yes.  Many little boys are left alone with no father figures.  Mothers today are overwhelmed, overworked and exhausted.

Answer 12

I don't think single mothers are terrible - any more than single fathers (which people don't talk about very much..). But it's interesting that so many of the answerers think that most men want to be a caretaker of their children. Give me a break. If women walk away from their kids they're evil-but if a guy does it's because the woman is keeping him away from his kids-every guy? I believe there are women who don't want to take care of their kids-so why is it so hard for these guys to admit that some men don't want to take care of their kids? Talk about denial.

Answer 13

It seems alot of times the mothers make it very difficult or impossible for them to see there kids. An there theirs just the ones that are worthless anyways. But the mother needs to figure out the kids need a string male figure. Without that they will not respect women an authority. I think many single moms just don't want someone else to question there rearing ability.