If someone has very bad table manners is it better to tell them or ignore it?

Question

My mother-in-law does the following during dinner: licks her fingers, drinks out of other people's glasses, takes food off of her plate and put on others' plates [when not asked] and talks with food in her mouth.

Answer 1

Let her son tell her. Get her son to tell her.  

Answer 2

That's disgusting. Are you sure she's not doing it to p--- you off?

Anyway, Amy Vanderbilt said(no, I'm not g*y) that it is never proper to correct a guest. In fact, if a guest uses the wrong fork, it is incumbent upon the perfect host  to the emulate said erroneous behavior.

I say ********. Tell the old lady to quit l*****g her chops and keep her paws out of other peoples' food. It is your house, right?

Answer 3

Thats pretty sick..

dude I think you shouldnt tell her in front of everyone, because than it would look mean. You should probably pull her out of the room and let her know what shes doing... pretty sick man.

Answer 4

She should be told but I don't know if you should be the one to tell her, she is your mother-in-law and it could put bad feeling on her part. Have her son/ daughter say something to her.

Answer 5

That is pretty disgusting however if it is your MIL I suggest just ignoring it unless you want to start a family feud!

Answer 6

First off YuCk!!!  Sadly, I don't think you can say to much to her. Her "habits" are probably so ingrained that even you pointing  them out will not change her.

I have the same problem with my brother... he learned his nasty habits from my father. I have "talked" my brother and other people have told him ... There's no change.

Here's some tip to deal:

* If you are having her over to your home: Plan the meal and seat and plate, glass placements carefully. Arrange the other diners plates and glasses away from her. Stick to foods that are not drippy ( so she will not need to l**k her fingers. Buy really pretty paper napkins ( think party store) show them off to her at the BEGINNING  of the meal. Put some near her plate and LET HER SEE YOU USING YOURS.

*I was always embarrassed to eat out with my brother... I spent my whole time worrying about people seeing his behavior. I also was personally grossed out by some of the stuff he does. I came to realize that other diners were probably not watching our family and I would never see them again. I also limit going out to eat with my brother to places that serve nON messy food ( no BBQ places)

* Lastly if you have small children you can "work on" their tables manners with Grandma present... Perhaps she will try to improve to provide guidance to her grandchildren.

My heart goes out to you cause I know first hand how hard this is. Your not being picky ... Good tables manners makes the meal more pleasant for everyone. Good Luck

Answer 7

Does your husband notice this behaviour in his mother and have you talked to him about it?  I think he should talk to her and see what is going on, is she trying to make you look bad, does she do it at her own house when she has guests or is she showing signs of dementia?  Her behaviour is certainly strange to say the least.