If someone is telling you their troubles is it okay to...?

Question

discretely time them then after half an hour change the subject or say something happy to end it on a good note and then bail.

Especially if they are not asking for advice. They just want someone to listen and its not life or death but they are bringing you down.

Answer 1

thats an awful thing to do. if you care about someone then the least you can do is pay them some courteous attention when they're down.

Answer 2

I think the values of a good friend would be to listen, not time me if I was trying to discuss problems, otherwise you might find that people wont bother talking to you anymore.

Answer 3

If they are a good friend...listen regardless of how boring it may be.

If they are just an acquaintance or a new friend & you don't care where the relationship is gonna go - well, just blow them off & say you gotta go!

Answer 4

with me its totally ok, i mean if they tell you their problems its on your time. and besides if you get to involved it becomes your problem and then you get stressed. so its totally ok with the whole timing thing.

Answer 5

I would definitely do as you would, after they vented some. Then I too would discreetly bow out. No harm done. They had their release and I had my ear full. lol.

Answer 6

hahaha, for jokes yea!

otherwise, no!

Answer 7

If you are really uncomfortable about it, then I suppose so. I don't think you should though. This person may really just need someone to listen to them, and you may hurt them by not listening.

Answer 8

Keep urself in the friends place and imagine yourself hurting about something (something that hurts You personally) and having a friend think what you are thinking right now. Just something for u to consider.

I do suppose u can lightly change the subject or keep the phone if it is getting way too much, but do so in the politest way possible, not making it seem like u are brushing her off or that u don't care or "making light" of her problem by trying to joke bout it. I don't like it when people do that. If my friend were serious when I am discussing something hurtful, I'd feel more respected. My problem feels more respected.

When u do need to go, let the friend know they can write to u and u will speak to them soon on this and that u will reach them again to check up on them. Be the nicest person. And most importantly, keep urself in their shoes. Tomorrow, you very well might need a friend urself. Good times and bad times come and go in everyone's life. People are weak and strong in different times in their lives depending on what they are facing too. No one is immune to it. We all need a good caring support network. Some dont have it and those who do are indeed lucky.

Do take care of urself but be sensitive too.

Strike the best balance..

Answer 9

....just say "i've gotta go take a dump" and you'll be fine

Answer 10

I have a friend who goes on and on constantly about how bad her life is and how many problems and troubles and everything she has. She will tell me about bills and I have many more financial burdens than she. She is having more health issues but she does have a lot of good things in her life. I have tried to point that out to her but she can't see it for all the negativity that surrounds her. I listen to her and sometimes I have to interrupt her cause she just goes on and on and on. She tells me how mean her husband is to her and I tell her to leave him and she says she can't because he can't make it on his own. I say well he should be nicer to you then. I do like her but there are days I just don't want to hear all her problems because I've got my own stuff I'm dealing with.  

Answer 11

Well that depends who it is.. but you shouldn't time people.. if you don't really want to listen to them at all then be honest with them.. then let someone who is a friend of them talk to them and if they are depressed they obviously need someone to talk to.. but you don't let them go on and on and on talking in a negative way.. if they talk to you it doesn't have to be a monologue.. you can bring in your own opinion.. that shows you are listening and you can say something to encourage them.. to maybe even change their mind.. and say you understand but it would also be a good idea maybe to sometimes see that there is another side to every story.. and tell them what the good of this whole situation might be or if they are ill then tell them that they should stay strong and suggest they do something creative.. encourage them with something to get their will to live or their willpower to change a situation for the better back.. you don't only have to sit and nod and think '' oh my god .. this is dragging me into the dumps of depression as well.. if you talk to a depressed person you have to let them talk about it but you also have to tell them of alternatives that might help to get out of the depression or whatever it is.. you can talk back and not pity them.. but show compassion.. meaning you try to understand their feelings and you listen but even if you were a nurse or working in health care you don't have time for 30 minutes for each patient.. and if someone sees a psychiatrist.. shall I tell you what happens there.. they let a person talk and most of the time they don't let the person talk.. they ask all kind of questions.. and then when the person who sees the psychiatrist wants to ask finally something.. he or she says.. that was one hour.. time is up....therefore I believe more in group therapy for people.. a psychiatrist is watching his clock.. a good friend shouldn't and it should be a dialogue..  both of you talking.. not just the other person complaining.. rather also you ... encouraging them.. or if they go on and on about the same.. then divert their attention and try that way to make them think of something positive.. x*x