If someone makes a rude comment about an adoptee or first mom?

Question

Why is it assumed by "so many" that they are APs or PAPs.

What's with all the assumptions?

It's just like assuming that just beause someone lost their child to adoption, that they must be "******" .

Answer 1

I really hate the fact that people think that because honestly not all birthparents are messed up or on drugs or any of those things. I was adopted and to be honest my biological family was really messed up on drugs and drinking other then my mom and my grandmother. I have currently been sent friend requests and messages on myspace by my biological brother and two of my cousins. I have come to realize that my brother is completely messed up and so are my cousins, so even though my biological mom isnt messed up that doesnt mean that her other children arent. I am thankful to be adopted even if she isnt messed up because my current adoptive mother is great i mean at first she went back into being an alcoholic but shes been sober for awhile now and i couldnt be happier to be with an adoptive family until im old enough to make my own descions not to follow in the path of most of my biological family.

Answer 2

Well, you know what they say about assuming....

I agree with Kazi.  It doesn't apply to me, so I don't worry about it.

Answer 3

I usually don't assume that rude comments about adoptees or first moms are made by AP's and PAP's.  I think most of those comments are made by trolls--people with multiple sign on names--in an attemt to stir up trouble among members of the adoption triad.  I suspect they are the same way in real life--thriving on discontent.

Answer 4

I have to agree with Kazi, I don't think when people call bmoms, crack who*es that they are talking to me or about me.

Answer 5

I agree wholeheartedly with Kazi.  I have taken notice that many people who answer here have no adoption connection.  They have as much right to answer as the rest of us.

Answer 6

I think because we (APs) are an easy target as we are the clear winners in adoption. It doesn't make it right though.

I have never said one mean or disrespectful thing about adoptees or first moms, either online or IRL. I also don't think anyone has done the same about ME personally.

That's what I hold onto. I do hear generalizations about "APs entitled this." and "APs in denial that", but I don't take it to heart because I don't believe they are talking about me. I don't feel they can be as I simply don't feel that way. Even if someone is determined that I must.

Answer 7

I'm not sure.

One thing I WILL tell you--the MOST open minded people I have ever met (in my 40 sumpthin' years) concerning adoption and their ideas about it are people who have NOTHING to do with adoption--aren't adopted, aren't 'related' to any adopted people, and aren't in relationships with Triad people.

In my experience, APs 'defend' adoption and the myths that surround it, the most.

Answer 8

Totally agreed.  Again, every situation is completely unique and we all need to remember that.  Generalizations and assumptions about entire groups of people is unfair and hurtful.  We should all be focused on what is best for the child in every individual situation...realizing that some adoptions are for the wrong reasons, some are coerced, some are due to abuse/neglect, and even that some are truly chosen for the right reasons.  The more tolerant we can be of each other's situation, the more information and knowledge we can share with each other in a respectful and educational way.