If the best relationship you have goes bad?

Question

if the person you were planning on spending the rest of your life with suddenly cheats on you,(and your still head over heels for this person afterwards) is right to want that person back and forgive them?

Answer 1

Forgive him but don't try to take him back. He doesn't want to go back to you. It really hurts, I know, because you haven't had time to get your head around it and your heart is still with him, but that will fade in time.

He didn't treat you well. Of course you want him back. You still have that dream of 'together forever' in your head, and that's the hardest part to get over. Forgive him. He played a role in your life and maybe in time you'll look back and realise that he was the catalyst for a change in the direction of your life which leads you to finding some amazing happiness that you may never have found otherwise.

But it's going to hurt for a while.  

Answer 2

Don't listen to people who say "once a cheater, always a cheater", because that isn't ALWAYS true. It is a lot of the time, not always.

Did he just kiss them or sleep with her? I feel like that makes a huge difference. What kind of cheating did he do?

I believe I would try my best if I could tell he was truly sorry. Only if he was sincere would I forgive him.

Did he tell you or did someone else tell you, that is also a big question?

If he didn't and you found out another way, how can you trust he won't do it again?

This is hard and none of us can say which way you should go. And honestly, you aren't going to listen to  us. You are going to go with your heart even if you get hurt later down the road.

The big question you have to ask yourself is:

Since he cheated on you, will you be able to trust him again?

Good luck and I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.

edit: Whoa! He doesn't want you back, THEN NO! You don't want to be with him. Forget everything I said...Nope no way in h**l I would forgive him.

Answer 3

how funny (not haha, serendipitous)

I went through this same situation about two months ago, except that I was the cheater.

I could give excuses all day, but the bottom line is my actions are no reflection of how I feel about my fiance (yeah you read correctly). what i did (one night stand) had nothing to do with emotions or intimacy, and that's what you need to consider:

was it a one-time thing or an ongoing affair?

do you know of past girlfriends he has cheated on?

only you can assess what's right to do. I can say from personal experience that going through this and watching someone I love go through something so traumatic has definitely deterred me from even thinking about doing that. if I were to put myself in his shoes for that time, I honestly believe I would have done the same thing.

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I know it will get better if you let him prove himself to you. the only thing I would say about forgiveness is only do it once. if he does it again, that's when I would start packing.

everything will be fine. best of luck and I sincerely hope this helps!

Answer 4

I've been in a relationship with a guy who cheated on me with his ex and then got 'her' to ring me up and say our relationship was over. This is probably the biggest *** in the world (for me) and I was completely devastated and for some reason wanted him back.

I still now sometimes think about what had happened if I had tried to get him back, but right now I am in a long term relationship with the most incredible guy and am so glad that I didn't stay with cheating b*****d.

I believe in the term once a cheater always a cheater.

It will take you a very long time to get over him and you may just end talking it out and getting back together, but I'm sure the trust won't ever be as strong as it was before and you will always be left wondering if he is or has cheated on you again. I don't think you should take him back, for your own sake, because in a few months you will find new guys to date and move on.

Whichever decision you make, good luck for the future.

Answer 5

How crazy is this!? I was in this same exact situation about 10 months ago, and as another poster claimed I was the cheater. . . I know what I did was wrong, and i too said that I didn't want him back and that my heart wasn't in our relationship anymore. . . however, I realized after about 2 weeks that I couldn't live my life without him and couldn't see myself with the other guy especially after he revealed some less than thrilling secrets about himself to me (drug use on almost a constant basis) I have since gone back with my then boyfriend now fiance and we have a relationship that is stronger than it ever was since we both figured out what happened to make me cheat in the first place. It made us take a good hard long look at how we were treating each other and what we could improve. A month later he proposed and we are getting married in October and I must say that I have never been happier in our relationship since learning what happened and what I had to change about myself and what he had to change about himself. (Also how we had to treat each other)

Answer 6

I most probably would.

My head would be telling me no, But my heart would be saying otherwise.

So to answer your question. Yes id take them back and forgive them.

Hope this helps!

Answer 7

forgive them so they can cheat on you again...?

Answer 8

It's up to you if you want to give your relationship a second chance.  I do believe in second chances but you also want to make sure that you are not being played for a fool.  Finding out the reasons he cheated in the first place may help prevent future issues.  You also should counseling if you want to make it work.  It may have been a once time mistake, or it could become a habit.  Just be careful, only you know what the best decision is.

Answer 9

I think.... still want him back.  Give him another chance.  God had forgiven us how can you not forgive him.  Time heals the pain.  It might be the source of trial of your relationship.  Just pray...Nothing is imposible with GOD.....

Answer 10

regardless of what you want, if he dont want there is nothing more there to salvage, let it go and get on with your life because if not the only one who gets hurt is you...

he is done he made that clear, he walked, its over

yes you loved him, and it will take time geting over him, but you will have to try now, because living in the past doesnt work

Answer 11

It is natural to still want them but for how long?   Love simmers and soon you realise that they cheated in you once and they WILL do it again.  (I have been there) It takes time to get over a lost dream but eventually you will and it will open up more opportunities for you to find someone you can trust.

Answer 12

Forgiveness is the easy part, but getting the trust back is, well, most difficult and will take some thinking about for sometime. You deserve to be treated with dignity and 'secrets' don't attest to this. Unless you both agree to an 'open relationship' taking him back says, it is okay to sneak around on me.  Choose wisely grasshopper.  

Answer 13

I've been there before.A couple of months ago I used to be really in love with this guy & then I found out he was talk to another girl so we broke up.Then,3 months later I saw pictures of him & his new girl making out on Myspace.It was really hard & took me months to get over it but, eventually I just got over it. So,if you just hold your head up high & convnce yourself there's someone else out there you'll realize that he isn't the one.Hope this helped!

Answer 14

Of course you are going to want to be with them you had already planned your future together. Of course you will get many people telling you that you should get rid of him and move on, but that is up to you honestly. If you believe in your heart he will never do it again, and that you just cant be with out him then do what your heart says is right...Everyone can give advice but they never know what to do unless they are in your exact situation. You and only you can decide what is best for you. It is probably one of the hardest things to love someone so much and have them hurt you so badly, but sometimes that is the best thing in the world. Like they say "it is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all." I am sorry for your pain but just do what you believe is right.

Answer 15

Forgiveness is essential. That would be up to you. It depends on your situation. He may be the type of guy that cheats, realizes he did something done, swear to not do it again and keep away from making the same dumb mistake, then again he might be the type of guy that cheats on and sees nothing wrong with it, but willingly apologizes and turns around and does it again.

I wouldn't tolerate the cheating thing, I would need PROOF that it wouldn't happen again before I even took that person back

Answer 16

thats love.... && life.. just make sure this person dont cheat EVER again..... cheatin once... you can forgive.... cheatin twice.... omg its gonna HURTTTTTTT.. trust me i know... but just follow ya heart...

Answer 17

It's up to you to see if you can learn to trust that person again and see if that person deserves that trust. I would forgive him. I believe everyone deserves a second a chance.

Answer 18

I would forgive but not forget. If he doesn't want you back and is suppressing his feelings it's time to say goodbye girlfriend.

I know how much it hurts to get cheated on by someone you care about a lot, I've taken guys back after they cheated on me but the only reason I did was because they showed remorse. They all apologized to me and did things to win me back.

I had one guy who showed no feelings, said he didn't care if I was with him or not, and told me he hoped I killed myself. I said goodbye to him and moved on with my life. I'm now engaged to a really great guy who would never do any such thing. I love him more than anything and the loser who I thought was my first love, who I was suicidal over, who I just couldn't live without, is nothing but a memory now.

To be honest, he is a bad memory which I try to forget. I kicked that loser to the curb after he cheated because he didn't want me and I wasn't gonna stick around for someone who talked to me like that. Five months later I received call after call after call about getting me back but I never did take him back. It's been almost three years since I broke up with the guy that treated me so badly.

He still calls me and texts me saying I love you still and I'm always thinking about you. I ignore his texts and don't pick up the phone for him.

If your guy was showing a lot of effort in getting you back it would be a whole nother story. But since he isn't, I think you should move along without him. As much as it hurts, I'd do it.

Besides, guys love when you take control. If you show him that you don't give a c**p he will be begging for you back just like my loser ex is.

Answer 19

If your able to forgive him that's great that says alot about your heart. But don't think just because you forgive him that hes gonna change. Its his call if he wants to change. You can only control you. This will be something you need to fix before you get married. Good luck I will be praying for you.