If this was to occur would divorce rates go down?

Question

I recently read an article in which two sociologists stated that women today are more likely to divorce quickly because they are more likely to gain the most out of a divorce (full custody,alimony and in many cases the house,not to mention child support) they said that if custody and property were shared in amore equal manner women would not be so quick to embrace divorce as an option and would be more willing to work things out. However other sociologists dispute these findings and claim that more marriage counselling would be more effective in reducing divorce rates....what are your thoughts?

Answer 1

i believe that most people think the *best* gain from a divorce is not being around that person any more.....

Answer 2

If marriage counseling was required before marriage i think that would help a great deal. Not to mention if people would talk about what there own expectations from the future spouse that also would make the divorce rate go down.

Answer 3

I disagree. Women who get divorced are rarely that materialistic.

Answer 4

Can you actually give us a reference for that "study"?   I would like to read it.      

I would suggest if women decide to divorce quickly it only seems quick to someone on the outside.   They may have been trying to resolve issues for years and realized its for naught.   and yes they need stability for the children's sake.    Alimony is seldom awarded anymore- usually only to SAHM/D to allow them to get on their feet.

Answer 5

I don't know, but I think custody should be shared. Alimony should only be temporary to give the non working spouse time to find employment. All other assets should be split.

Answer 6

Yep... and I'm living proof.... LOL.  Men and women divorce from different perspectives... Men just want to be done with it... but the gals, for the most part want to make the men bleed.  It's an emotional response to the pain of an associated scorn.  just my 3 cents.. inflation you know.

Answer 7

Counseling might help when both parties are acting in good faith. That is seldom the case. Specially when a lawyer is involved. You see, the lawyer gains by ripping of as much as possible from the other party.

Also its a fools game to trust the "experts". Psychologist have the most to gain from counseling of the parties. Specially if its a long term. So its logical to assume that they will suggest it as the means.

So if both parties lose exactly the same. It would be less likely that one of the parties would find divorce the first option. Not to mention that there would me a lot less gold-diggers outhere.

But that wont happen, as there are many parties interesting in that the divorce rates stay high. Including lawyers, psycologist, marriage councelors,  etc, etc, etc.

Answer 8

I think pre marriage counseling goes a long way to preventing divorce so does knowing the person at least a year before getting married, when you have the rest of your life to be with someone there is no rush.

When our grandparents where married they believed it was for life and only because of drastic circumstances they divorced.

The 30-50's or My parents age group had more freedom and choices, women had their own jobs freedoms, securities.

Allowing both to feel able to leave the other. Men often leaving the wife for someone younger now that wives could work and support the family that they left behind. Women leaving men because they did not feel their needs emotionally met - again something that was not often taught.

18-30's Seem to get married in the mind set of well see if it works out if not lets chuck it..... Which of course if you go in with that attitude you will end up divorce. I fight with everyone close to me, my parents, sister ect but they don't stop being my family and we get over it. Same should be with my husband we fight we get over it and work through it.

I personally don't think that "not getting" anything out of it would drop the divorce rate that much. Since the same amount of poor people are getting divorce as rich people.

There are those that want to just take however they have always been there they were just more honest playing the "kept" persona of the old days.

Answer 9

If women stood to gain nothing from divorce, the rate would drop drastically.  Even it were a fair split, as you say, yeah it would decrease the rates.

Counseling may help some people, but I say if you need counseling then you're either with the wrong person or meant to be alone.

Answer 10

Divorce rates would probably go down if people stopped treating their marriage like a bank of assets and more like a relationship that has to be worked at.

People often spend more time and energy on finding the right car than the right partner, and talk about it more, too. Great start!

Every divorce is different and setting a standard 'rule' for everyone isn't going to be fair. The situation of a young, childless couple who have both worked is going to be very different to that of a middle aged couple with dependent kids, and that will be different to an elderly couple with many years behind them.

As for women getting 'more' out of the divorce, laws in this area are changed all the time.

In NSW (where I live) the custodial parent (male or female) can choose to stay in the family home until the kids leave school, after which the parents can agree to sell the house and divide the proceeds.

During this period both contribute towards the mortgage, but of course at the end they both have a substantial asset, and the kids (who are not reposnsible for their parents' situation) get to stay in their own home and neighbourhood with the friends, school and community they are used to.

From an outsiders's point of view, that seems quite reasonable to me, especially after knowing so many kids who do it hard because parents can't wait to sell up and run with the cash, not caring what happens to the kids.

If their are no kids in the arrangement, there are simple formulas to determine who gets what, that take into account what each has put into the marriage over what period, including money, unpaid work, home maintenance and so on. All these things matter in a marriage, and they matter in a divorce, too.

Cheers :-)

Answer 11

Yes women, on the whole, have everything to gain from divorce. Assets, children and maintenance and revenge against the ex. If there was an equal distribution of eveything after divorce then women would be less likely to divorce and lose the benefits of marriage.

Marriage counselling has been tried for many years without much success, why conciliate when you have everything to gain by being stubborn.

Answer 12

It might discourage those who are doing it JUST for what they'll gain, but to my mind, such people should never marry in the first place, anyway, as they are plainly incapable of the emotional values that marriage requires from both parties.

The best deterrent for divorce would be if our society restored a solid emphasis on the values that SHOULD go into ANY human relationship - not JUST marriage, but perhaps more important in marriage than anywhere else.

Values like thoughtfullness and consideration of others.  (In the case of marriage, of course, that "others" would be one's partner)  The so-called "Golden Rule" which translates into "Treat others the way you would want to be treated."

Plain and simply, there is NO substitute for trying to see life from the other person's viewpoint - for asking yourself, "If I were him/or/her, what would I want from me?"

Respect for the feelings of one's partner, even when those feelings are not necessarily shared.  They ARE real, after all, to the one who IS experiencing them.  

The willingness to give an equal measure for everythiing one gets from a relationship - that is in abstract considerations as much as (If not even MORE importantly) than material things.

If one partner wants the right to do something without the other's objections or anger, then he/or/she should be ready and willing to grant their mate the SAME consideration.  

ie, if HE wants her to respect his desire to watch Monday night football, then he should be prepared to respect HER desire to watch a "chic flick" on the "Lifetime" network on Tuesday night, etc.

If she can't yell at him and raise a fuss over him breaking a coffee mug, then he can't yell at her and raise a fuss over her misplacing the car keys.

It's t*t for tat.  What's good for the goose is good for the gander, too.

If values like those were taught to every child early on, reinforced as they grew, and carried into their adult relationships, divorce would become an endangered species really fast, and everyone would be immesurably happier!

Answer 13

My thoughts are these, in a perfect world:

People would not be permitted to marry until after they were 30.

People would be required to apply for a license and attend mandatory 'therapy' before marriage - and not religious based.  

Divorce should be much more difficult to obtain.  There must be grounds, and the requirements are much more stringent than 'irreconcilable differences'.

Bottom line - we need to avoid unlikely marriages, rather than working on the divorce rate!