If u are a mom: did you have to "show" the dad how to take care of the child? or did he learn himself?

Question

so my child's father and i are not together anymore...and the child is only 2 months old.

i am trying to figure out who should have more custody over him..i feel that it would be best for the child to stay with me (because i know what i'm doing) but then again..its only FAIR that the father does part of it too...

but he has NO CLUE how to be a dad..and i find it WEIRD for me to "show" him..do u think he could learn on his own? i'm afraid of him messing up...

Answer 1

my eldest is 13 - and i'm still teacher his dad how to be a dad..

Answer 2

he won't kill the kid - that's all you need to worry about.  all else is his problem, not yours.

no, he won't do things the way *you* like them done.  my hubbie doesn't do things the way i like them done, either, but you know what?  that's his relationship with our daughter, not mine.

he'll sit there for AGES doing her hair "just so" - i can't be bothered, as i would rather have her smiling and no hair-do than cranky with pretty hair.  he'll put the "wrong" pants with the "wrong" top - oh well.  she's dressed.  sometimes i had to remind him, though, that she's not a fragile little bloom and he can probably take a few layers of blankets off since he's wearing shorts and a tank top himself.

the only  hard line i take is diet - he keeps wanting to treat her with candy and junk cereal.  she's already over 35lbs at 16mo and that's with breast milk and a healthy diet - i don't think she needs c**p fat on top of what she's already got and i certainly don't need her developing a raging sweet tooth like mine.

Answer 3

Do what you feel is best for the child.  It is important to have to both in his life either way.

Answer 4

He could probably learn on his own.  After all that's how most mother's do it.  We aren't born knowing how to care for our children either.   We tend to get the crash course, as in right after they come home from the hospital, on how to take care of our individual baby.   If he's a good dad, he'll do some preparing as in reading up and asking for help from his mom or someone like that.   If you absolutely can't trust him with the baby then that's a whole different story.

Answer 5

My first husband was hopeless and not interested in trying to take care of the babies himself - he was much happier sitting back letting me do it.

My 2nd husband really wanted to learn things himself and would ask me all sorts of questions - to be point of annoyance! He figured that because I had already done it I had all the answers.

We are expecting our 2nd together (4 from 1st husband) and I think 2nd time around he will know what to do and willingly do as much as he can.

In fact, he has already planned to let his 2IC take over for a few months so he can stay at home.

Answer 6

Ask yourself this: by the time your child was born, did you have a clue on how to be a mom? After 2 months are you an expert? You may know what you're doing, but in my opinion, taking care of a baby is the easy part. Wait until the child grows older and starts walking and talking.

Believe it or not, but some men are just as good if not better than many women when it comes to taking care of a child. If need be, you can "show" him how to change a diaper, and how to dress and feed the baby. After all, someone had to teach you. But then again, you may have had the advantage if you played with baby dolls as a child. That's how most girls learn: that and babysitting. So, yeah, you may have years of experience on that angle.

As far as custody, that should be a mutual decision between you and the father. I can understand your anxiety because all mothers have the feeling that no one takes care of their baby better than they do; and that includes the dad. When my daughter was a baby, I had to teach her dad how to change her diaper, but I also couldn't watch him do it since I always felt he never did it the right way (which was my way). But he did okay.

As your child gets older, you may find that there will be some things that his dad may be better at than you. One thing you'll need him for is when it comes to potty training your son. Also, when your child starts to hit puberty, there will be some things that dad will be best for and not you. Cause you're a girl.

But one thing you should remember is that no matter what age your child is, both of you will 'mess up' many times throughout your child's life. But don't worry, your son will forgive you.

Answer 7

With your son being so young he needs to be with you!!

Answer 8

you should be afraid of anyone messing up with the child.  one wrong move and anything can happen.  if you think the child would be taken care of better with you, it's your responsibility as a mother to make sure you have custody.  fathers should pull their weight, but not at the risk of the child being poorly taken care of.

Answer 9

instinct dear..

if there is love,, a person tends to care....

me,.,,, as a mom...

i know,, and feel,,, that i'm the only one who could love and take care of my son...

no one else more than I can...

Answer 10

lol i knew my mom wouldnt trust my dad with me alone until i was almost 5 months old...but most of the time dads will learn how to take care of the baby...i mean he's seen u do it and he will figure it out eventually.  just make sure he knows how to change a diaper, feed the baby, and the emergency numbers. he will figure the rest out on his own.

Answer 11

i guess this is a bi*chy response but the fact that you referred to your child as "the child" is very weird to me and you should not be worried about who has more free time without your son..i would just show him the basics but i think you should worry about your kid not what is "fair" that is pretty strange to me