If you're very naturally a reserved/quiet person, how do you break out of your shell?

Question

I'm a very shy guy, and I'm very reserved and I'm quiet most of the time because I like to just sit and think a lot more than I talk. The problem is that at school I always feel out of place and I'm really uncomfortable around people because I never have anything to talk about. I really want this to change, but how can I "break out of my shell"? The problem is that I am afraid that if I suddenly start talking to people a lot more and start trying to be more outgoing/active, I don't know how people will react to me, or what they'll think. I know people think I'm odd and even hostile, but I'm not-- it's just that I much rather prefer to keep to myself. Any help, please?

Answer 1

If you Humilate yourself enough you will be so humilated that you just don't care anymore.

Answer 2

how's about you start with you. find things that interest you and go on a small quest to learn more about them. from there, look around and see if you can maybe find others with similar interest. when you do, (1) hey, there's a connection there (2) you'll have something to talk about and (3) that will more or less help you over come that feeling of being a little too shy.

people always want to change in order to fit in but it's more about enhancing oneself in order to comfortably adjust.

Answer 3

I would go to people I was "aquainted with" meaning I was in the same class as they were, or had been formally indroduced before but did not keep aquainted. I would inquire about how they like the class, what they expected to get out of it. Get a sense of what questions I could ask by the responses I would get back. I found the less I was concerned/worried about me and more interested in them the easier it got. If I was worried that I would look desperate to find someone to talk to, or cling like a vine to someone just to have someone there and not look like I was "alone" I came accross as I felt. So I redirected my thinking. I focused on the activity, the people and became less concerned about "me."  I use to think that unless everything matched, dress, shoes, nailpolish, bag, makeup, I was doomed to make a bad impression. Times came where there was no time to be "perfect." If I wanted to work on my hair/nails till it reached my level of satisfaction, it meant I was late to the school activity/dance. So I went "dressed" but not "perfected. " Want to know something? Nobody made a comment, Oh you forgot your nail polish or you forgot to roll your hair. No one said anything except "you look nice, great, (whatever)" It did not matter to no one that those details were overlooked but to me!

So, if you fret, become obcessed bout your quietness, quirkyness, people will notice. Put those feelings on a shelf and just enjoy the moment like everyone else is there to enjoy!  The more you open up, the more you will find there are people who will like you as well as those who don't. Hopefully you will know which ones to hang with!

Answer 4

I have the same problem

Just do baby steps.....speak up once in a while

Answer 5

Go out and buy a new outfit. Then change your outlook, it doesn't mean you have to constantly talk to people. Take those ideas that your always quietly thinking about and share them with someone.. theres usually always someone who shares what youre feeling. You dont have to care about what people think, youll feel much better putting your own mind at ease by being more social. =)

Answer 6

dont try to be someone youre not, because THAT will come off as alarming to people. the world needs people like you as much as the outgoing ones. If you really want to break out of your shell, the first step is not worrying about any consequences. best of luck

Answer 7

i know your a quite reserved person but everyone has something to say to express... Your quite but you are a person with feelings, opinions and thoughts so say what you need to... find people with similar intrest join a club that interest you....like nike just do IT! cause i sure regret not doing anything but ive grown and i hope you will to good luck..

Answer 8

Well You Could Start With Asking Someone A Question. Or Something Like That?? Or Just Start Answering More Questions In Class And Start Convos With Your Class Mates. Just Be More Noticable. And Don't Worry People Wont React In A Bad Way The Will Probably Be Happy. :)

Answer 9

Do random nice things for people; if someone drops their books, stop and help pick them up; hold doors for people, etc.; get involved in just about anything... karate classes, volunteer at youth centers... you get the idea.  You can be friendly without talking, human nature will take it from there :)

Answer 10

When i see people like that, I usually go over to them and talk to them. Introduce them to my friends. I do it because i used to be like that. I got out of my shy period when i started listening to people. I learned from them, how they talked, what they said. I gathered all that, and made, well, me! If you like to keep to yourself, than that's fine. A lot of people believe that those who are "the quiet ones" are hostile. Its just a general stereotype. Try to engage in a conversation with someone, this way you can get to know them and they can get to know you. It doesn't necessarily have to be a group of people. Just one person, and then you can meet another person, and another. People just need to realize who you are. If you keep quiet, people will just assume things about you.  

Answer 11

I was the same way all through middle school and high school.  I am now a college senior and for the most part, I still prefer to spend most of my time alone.

When I was younger, I would barely say a word in school, but as I grew older and became more comfortable... realizing that people are not constantly judging me to the extent which I judge myself, I relaxed a little.  This does not mean, however, that I felt the need to socialize much more, but rather that when I did, I felt more comfortable doing so.

I am majoring in business management and human resources... but really I think I would rather sit in front of a computer monitor or work on something more complex (I want to actually use my brain).  I plan on going to grad school for I/O Psychology.

But back to you question... realize that most people are not very intelligent and do not have the ability to think or analyze things the way you do.  So what if they think something you say is weird?

As a mentor to first year students here on my college campus, I get to watch as the students leave behind the old "high school rules" of coolness.  Once people grow up a little, the "coolest" guys can now sit with the nerds and get along well with them.

I consider my introversion a gift to some extent (since it is supplemented with analytical thinking).  We all have different skill sets...

Answer 12

I am very similar to you..the way i start talking is when someone talks to me. Lately, i started to talk to people and ask them questions..and laugh and joke at certain jokes that they make.  I did not do that b4, but after doing this..i have made some good friends..who are like me in away...i can be playful and talkative..when im with the right ppl. B4 it was really hard for me to tlak to people i did not know..but if we stay quiet, how are we going to learn to make new friends?

So no matter what..you have to learn to greet people and talk to them, ask them questions .

If you became friends w/ someone..and they give you their phone number call them up..invite to them a movie..or something ..increase the friendship..that way you will me more ppl and more of their friends who you can become friends with.

Answer 13

Your best bet is to find a group of people with similar interests as yourself and build your confidence by becoming comfortable with them then work you way to new people. In high school I had the same problem. I started with no friends, but by senior year I had acquired many friends and became acquainted with most the school. Good luck. Just remember to be yourself as much as you can and ease your way into it.

Answer 14

brother why do you want to change your natural self? No one can stay happy if they try to act against their natural self/inclinations. And Their is nothing wrong wih being shy or reserved. As far as your habit of thinking and your insecurity is concerned, I agree though that this is an issue.However some of it has been caused by your own reluctance to be totally easy with your being an introvert and because of your your efforts at trying to be what you aren't.. My advice is dint force yourself to become an extrovert..however to overcome your feeling of fear and your inclination to think too much- make a few friends first rather then trying to seem an outgoing person who participates in everything and talks to all(since that would be un natural and discomforting to you)- make them friends who you think are interesting or nice or compatible with you and comfortable to be with.Make friends with someone who wont demand too much of discussions and time from you and would like you as you are.Talk to them about your thoughts and views, what you like and dislike, your life, studies etc ..this will help you to open up and overcome fears as soon you will realize you are comfortable with making friends and opening up to people is no big deal

Answer 15

I used to be that way, too, but after years of being used and abused by people, mostly because I just couldnt belive that people could act like that, I grew tired of it, Now I dont even give people a chance to abuse me. I have grown cynical, and jaded. I am still good to people I can trust, But I dont hold back on people if I think they are trying to take advantage of my good nature.  this isnt really what you were asking about, but just be carefull to not get jaded of the bad people out there, I guess.

Answer 16

I know exactly how you feel.. Im the same way.. the only thing that works for me is alcohol! Sad I know ;(